Sunday, May 15, 2011

Sneakers, Obots and Hucksters

I really wanted to stay out of this sneaker kerfuffle, butt somehow I ended up smack dab in the middle of it anyway. It all started with this cute little Skechers cartoon commercial aimed at little girls: (in case you’re unfamiliar, Sketchers is the company that makes those shoes with the goofy rocker bottoms said to “sculpt your legs and butt”)

Lady M  got her nose all out of joint because they were trying to cheese in on her own patented Let’s Move campaign: can you imagine trying to capitalize on someone else’s hard work and efforts for your personal benefit? Despicable.

Since such behavior cannot be tolerated,  Lady M called up her Let’s Move Militia to launch an internet blitzkrieg to force Skechers in line. was the first militia unit to answer the call with a petition drive to “...Tell Skechers to let kids be kids, and stop body policing young girls!” Move Trooper Hilary Moss HufPo’d the petition drive and our campaign was off to a brilliant start.

With our internet assault underway, and by all reports “Winning!” MO moved to protect our legal flanks (remember: she does have an Ivy League law degree, although she voluntarily surrendered her license to practice law with it. Now that we have our own whole Justice Department, that doesn’t seem so silly any more.) She ordered RickyHo to ensure that she retains sole rights to all of our trademarks, logos, patents and intellectual property relating to the hugely successful “Let’s Move” campaign in perpetuity. Just in case there is some sort of political unrest in the country and she can’t remain in Washington to direct all aspects of the Let’s Move unit.

So Ricky sent his goons to shake down discuss Skechers’ patent infringement and “supremacy clause” violations. His case must have been pretty darn solid because the next day Leonard Armato, Skechers Fitness Group Big Cheese, posted a HufPo reply to Tropper Moss’ post, and fessed up to cheesing in on Lady M’s initiative. And then, just before our midmorning snack, we received a boatload of cash ginormous boost to our WTF coffers and a stack of vouchers for free Skechers good for sizes up to and including 14.

With Skechers now solidly “on board” with our messaging, Lady M and I went shopping to “buy” some sneakers. I love it when a plan comes together.

Michelle Obama Obesity“You can really move your butts with a pair of these fine shoes! Be sure to tell mommy and daddy.”

Unfortunately in the excitement of “Moving” to  “Win the Future” Lady M forgot to call off the dogs, so to speak, and Sgt. Agusta Christensen quickly fired back at old  Lenny on HufPo.

Sgt. Christensen is “...a 21-year-old feminist blogger with a BA in Political Science from Swarthmore College...” and, more importantly she ads “...A former horrifically awkward 7-year-old girl who, despite being witty and having gushing parents, had awful self-esteem and was susceptible to many marketing ploys that preyed on on my insecurities...”  Whew! That’s a lot of baggage to carry around!

(A Little Inside Baseball Note: Our Obots are great and we love them to death, butt they don’t seem to have an “off” button. Once they are sent into action, they are kind of on autopilot until they get a new directive. We may have been a little premature unleashing them before we knew how easy it was going to be to get Skechers to help us WTF.)

So now, Lady M had to dispatch RickyHo’s goons again, this time to demobilize our Obots and explain to them that it’s a big tent, and that Skechers is now one of our circus clowns. And if that doesn’t do the trick, I think they plan to show them the super-secret “pictures” of OBL.

We no sooner have the Obot business taken care of than another monkey shows up to throw a wrench into our plan and ruin our day. This one, not surprisingly, from the Fox News trolls. Here’s Molly Line stirring the pot again this morning:

I know most normal people are in church on Sunday morning, butt seriously, were these two the best they could come up with to discuss such an important topic? The one on the left (our side) looks like she’s been on the “lemon & vinegar diet” a little too long, and the other one had better return big Guy’s ears before he notices they are missing. Sheesh.

And that’s where I come in. As soon as MO heard about this from her staff who gets paid to watch Fox NewsLady M dispatched me to advise Molly of her displeasure. She also wanted me to demonstrate what sort of distortion I’m capable of projecting on her TeeVee image. Of course, I could never actually use my powers for evil like that, my ethics pack wouldn’t permit it. Butt some days I really hate my job.

Anyway, I didn’t even have to broach the subject because it turns out Molly’s not going to be filling in on the Weekend With Fox and Friends anymore, she doesn’t find the story interesting anyway and so she promised to drop it. That was a relief, I’m not really equipped to handle Chicago style politics.

Butt while I was over on the Fox set, I DID pick up a little bit of strictly off the record intel, so you can’t tell anyone. I know you’ve all heard that Mike Huckabee announced on his show last night that he is NOT going to run for President in 2012.

Huckabee%20on%20bassPlay that funky music, white boy

Butt here’s the “rest of the story:” scuttlebutt around the Fox set has it that you can look for Huck to fill the soon to be vacated “Beck” timeslot Monday through Friday on Fox News. Shhh! Don’t tell anyone. It’s a MOTUS exclusive.

Oh yes, and now that he’s free to do so, he’s accepted a gratuitous position on Lady M’s Let’s Move advisory committee. In this capacity he’ll be interfacing with Walmart on issues of national nutritional importance. He received this honorary position because he’s the only R-word to back our No Kids Fat Behind program. And because his Healthy Arkansas program pre-dated even Lady M’s (don’t worry, the “supremacy clause” works against state’s rights). And because his Arkansas efforts serve as a model of success:

Results of the BMI screenings, which are published annually by the nonpartisan Arkansas Center for Health Improvement, show that the percentage of overweight and obese children has remained stubbornly and exactly at 38% from 2005 to 2009.

Oh, and because he’s from Arkansas. And so is Walmart!

Although I understand he’s building a new home in Florida. I thought for a minute that  it might be in the Donald’s Maralago. Butt nope: it’s in Blue Mountain Beach. Right on the ocean. Nice.

1303044061-huckhomeThe Huck’s new modest home under construction

Well, at least his heart told him that he’s really just a game show host. So we’ve got that going for us.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal Thanks!