Along with all the other responsibilities that fall to the POTUS, FLOTUS, VPOTUS and SLOTUS, add educating the children of America.
Here are just a few of this week’s examples of our leaders teaching the children a code they can live by:
First, Lady M lucidly explains what you can teach the children by letting them watch trash TeeVee shows like The Kardashians on school nights:
“I sort of feel like if we’re talking about it, and I’m more concerned with how they take it in –What did you learn when you watched that?” Mrs. Obama asked rhetorically. “And if they’re learning the right lessons, like ‘that was crazy,’ then I’m, like, OK,” she added.
Because making sex tapes and releasing them to the public to launch a reality show to further exploit your trashy lives is, like, “crazy.” So the show is, like, practically a public service.
Big Guy isn’t down with the PSA message as much, however:
"Barack really thinks some of the Kardashians -- when they watch that stuff -- he doesn't like that as much."
That’s because, as he’s explained before, doesn’t want the girls “punished with a baby.” Although not wanting the girls to watch the KKK girls show is a bit of a dis since Kim K has gone on record saying that Big Guy was the first presidential candidate to get her "motivated enough to vote." After that put down though, she might just find herself too busy practicing her considerable marketing skills on Twitter to vote for him next time around.
Lady M has actually learned a lot from the KKK squad, who - if not great role models – are still very fashion savvy:
Kim also said she often uses body shapers, masking tape, and other under-clothing body smoothers to boost her confidence -- its like, 'Fake it until you make it' is what we always say."
Good fashion advice for everyone!
Can you tell which of these booties is fake?
Butt seriously, who can blame Big Guy for not wanting the girls exposed to another family of crass, class-less, self-absorbed, over-rated narcissistic nit-wits?
Any-hoo: Big Guy himself was busy this week educating kids in Virginia and North Carolina. He taught them how mean-spirited and stupid Republicans who won’t pass his JOBS, JOBS, JOBS bill are:
“Maybe they just couldn’t understand the whole thing all at once. So we’re going to break it up into bite-size pieces so they can take a thoughtful approach to this legislation,”
And then later he went to teach a science class how to use robots to do the jobs Americans are no longer willing to do: getting out the vote.
And Joey B was doing his part to spread the word to the youth of America this week as well:
“That’s right boys and girls, if you don’t tell Mommy and Daddy to get their Congressmen and women to pass the JOBS bill right now, wild animals will roam the streets killing, raping and eating you! And they’re all Republicans.”
And last night Lady M and Dr. Jill took to the mound at the first game of the World Series to teach the children of America about the greatness of another All-American tradition that she learned on the KKK reality show: how to make you husband jealous.
"Jill and I are very happy to be making our husbands jealous, too -- because what are we doing? We're at the World Series! And where are they? We don't really know. But they're not very happy."
I wouldn’t be so sure about that.
Meanwhile, the POWS are still milling around, eating, chanting and airing their grievances (which are definitely beginning to need a little “airing” if you catch my drift). Yesterday they were joined by Alec Baldwin who proved that it was possible for a rich man to drag his camel through the eye of a needle after all. Not that I’m saying Zoo-cotti park is the “kingdom of God” by any stretch – more like Animal Kingdom, butt Alec is certainly a rich man and he sure did thread the needle:
"The banks are going to do what the banks do. And you want the banks to do what banks do. But when the banks [act] like they are a hockey player that starts throwing their elbow in your eye socket, you want the SEC to throw the flag. The SEC never throws the flag."
The nuance of his position was lost on critics, who called him a hypocrite on Twitter because he shills for Capital One, the nation's eighth-largest bank.
I think he got his message out though. As POWS Jason, a 22 year old unemployed, Feminist Lit grad who is in Zoo-cotti Park seeking economic justice and looking to score, put it: “I was leery of Baldwin at first, butt he really made a lot of sense. After all you do get double miles, and there are no black out dates.”
You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by