Monday, November 21, 2011

Messing with the natural order of things.


It has been a stunning weekend of news and reports on a wide range of subjects refuting some of the most basic rules of nature:

Neutrinos that move faster than light? 

Water that doesn’t hydrate?

Lady M as a NASCAR grand marshal? 

Let’s start with NASCAR. Boy, talk about a fish out of water! Lady M would like all you NASCAR fans to think she’s a big race car fan because she’d like you to vote for Big Guy, but in fact she had to wear her earmuffs to stifle the noise.

mo intense nascar

Which is just as well, since she didn’t hear any of the booing that may or may not have occurred when she was introduced as one of the Grand Marshalls yesterday. You could tell that she was a NASCAR neophyte: unlike other events, she really didn’t know exactly what to wear to the big race. The truth is, you can wear pretty much anything. Except pin stripes.

AP111120038968We’re all just so happy to be here

mo pin stripes and casual top

Those should probably be reserved for Occupying Wall Street. Or shopping for organic Tuscan Kale and hand made cheese at the farmers market, like we did when we wore the same outfit back in 2009:

       Michelle Obama Visits New Farmers Market Washington _fF5cm56iMbl Michelle Obama Visits New Farmers Market Washington 07hGMx4pmwcl

Butt seriously, some things just should be exempt from politics don’t you think? It’s not right to upset the natural order of things, and no matter how you try to shoe-horn it, Lady M just doesn’t fit in at NASCAR – can we all concede that? Because if Lady M is appropriate, the next thing you know they’ll be wanting to invite Bill Ayers to be grand marshal.


And that could turn even uglier than a few boos.

Now, on to those pesky little neutrinos. This is truly stunning news if it is true. If they really do move faster than light then Einstein’s Theory of Relativity comes unraveled.


That means that time travel may be possible, parallel universes might exist, and there may already be aliens in our midst.

bo and magic chrstal braBO speaks as flying saucers hoover overhead

Butt I think the startling news from the EU about water not hydrating has even broader implications for our future: Maybe we can get rid of the EPA after all.

imageThat would help our budget deficit

EU officials concluded that, following a three-year investigation, there was no evidence to prove the previously undisputed fact.

Producers of bottled water are now forbidden by law from making the claim and will face a two-year jail sentence if they defy the edict, which comes into force in the UK next month.

Last night, critics claimed the EU was at odds with both science and common sense. Conservative MEP Roger Helmer said: “This is stupidity writ large.

That’s what happens when a group of sovereign states voluntarily forms a supranational body that is given the power to create a new government with the ability to create currency, pass laws and regulate their lives further than their own government already does.

Unlike the discovery of the warp-speed time traveling neutrinos however, It doesn’t disprove any existing theories of government; in fact it serves to confirm the basic precepts:

  1. Government, once formed will replicate and expand at the speed of light
  2. Once established, a government will consume both your money and freedom
  3. Bureaucracies are not required to conform to any known rules of natural science, if by ignoring them they can aggregate more power
  4. Rules and regulations are intended to create governmental bureaucracies and jobs for government bureaucrats

So it looks as if Perrier and Evian will have to watch their step if they want to avoid “legal bother” – that’s quaint, isn’t it?

“I had to read this four or five times before I believed it. It is a perfect example of what Brussels does best. Spend three years, with 20 separate pieces of correspondence before summoning 21 professors to Parma where they decide with great solemnity that drinking water cannot be sold as a way to combat dehydration.

“Then they make this judgment law and make it clear that if anybody dares sell water claiming that it is effective against dehydration they could get into serious legal bother.

I wonder if Lady M would like to weigh in on this? Normally this would be right up her alley – telling people what would be best for them to consume.

imageThat isn’t a sugary beverage is it?

This one presents a bit of a conundrum though, because if it turns out to be true that water, indeed, doesn’t hydrate, then Lady M may have to reconsider her position towards those delicious sugary beverages being served in school. Boy! Talk about being hoisted by your own petard!

I’m not too worried though, because as Dewey pointed out awhile ago, once you get to the point where anything is science, nothing is science. So I’m pretty sure someone will prove in short order that sugary beverages do not hydrate either, and we can get back to life as we now know it around here.

All I can report to you so far is that I’ve debunked two of the three “do not mess with the natural order of things” reports out over the weekend. Lady M definitely does NOT belong at a NASCAR event,

what's this boogity boogity do“Excuse me, butt I can’t seem to tune into Hip Hop Nation”

And, through my own testing and research, I can also confirm that water does hydrate, regardless of what the Lilliputians in Brussels say. It will take a bit longer for me to either confirm or deny the speed of the neutrinos, as my speedometer doesn’t go that high. I was initially outfitted after the National Highway Safety Department, using it’s administrative governmental agency powers, issued a rule outlawing manufacturers from using speedometers that registered over 85 mph.

Since that’s been repealed (much to NASCAR’s relief) I’m going to have Raj install an update and then I’ll get to work on the neutrinos.

While Lady M was relieved to hear that I could debunk the myth of water not hydrating, NASCAR wasn’t quite as happy. They were hoping to start a new hydration campaign of their own:

imageStay Hydrated with Bud Light: Never Slows You Down

I close out today’s post with an observation on the EU “does not hydrate” decree from British Conservative MEP Roger Helmer:

“The euro is burning, the EU is falling apart and yet here they are: highly-paid, highly-pensioned officials worrying about the obvious qualities of water and trying to deny us the right to say what is patently true.

If ever there were an episode which demonstrates the folly of the great European project then this is it.”

That rather reminds me of our own dilemma with the deficit and the Super Committee, butt that’s a story for another day. Like tomorrow. Since the clock is ticking.

H/T Fausta and Blonde Gator