Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Win by 3, or win by 8: “everything after ‘win’ is just paperwork”

This just in: Michigan wins the Sugar Bowl by 3; Mitt wins the GOP Bowl by 8. By all accounts, both were ugly wins.



Here’s a recap on Michigan’s strategy for a win:

Let's begin on fourth-and-1 near midfield in the fourth quarter, when Virginia Tech had two options and went for the third.

Which is not unlike Mitt’s victory strategy: Iowans had thirteen options and went for two.

Meanwhile, Big Guy went back to Iowa for a victory lap via a web-exclusive address arranged by his techno-geek whiz-kids who have super-fantabulous social media skills.

“President Obama tried to steal a piece of the Iowa spotlight tonight with a nostalgia-filled live address to his Democratic supporters over the internet, at times hampered by static and sporadic audio interruptions that made him difficult to understand.”

Screenshot Studio capture #372I dunno, techie-boyz: next time I might just go with Skype

I don’t want to rain on Devin Dwyer’s parade, butt I don’t really think that the “static and sporadic audio interruptions” made Big Guy that much harderer to understand than usual:

Butt I will say this: Mitt wins on the “rockin’ a pair of mom jeans” front:

           bo mom jeansmtt rockinjeans

As for rockin’ a boob belt, well, you decide. Butt keep in mind, Ann really doesn’t really know very much about boob-belts yet so she’s sportin’ it on her waist. How fashion backward is that?

       dmrdc5-62zeleg83gwe5lws5cs_originalmo to NYC

Back to the caucuses though: 25,000 Iowans showed up last night at Democratic caucuses to watch Big Guy on the Big Screen. And while that’s impressive, it’s 215,000 fewer than showed up back in 2008, the year BO was nostalgically recalling. That year, 240,000 Iowans showed up at the Caucuses, and over 90,000 of them voted for Big Guy. Butt since we weren’t running against Hillary and John Edwards this time around we didn’t need to bus in our auxiliary staff and caucutators. So the numbers were down slightly, like 90%.

1_21_edwards_clinton_obamaWhat a difference a caucus makes

See what I mean? The years have not been kind to everyone:

65176314Smile John, pretend it’s not a mugshot

hillary old hot messSmile Hil, pretend you’re not a hot mess working for your most despised enemy…

bo-fingerSmile BO, you 'da man!

Some of us seem to have weathered the shoals of a brutal election cycle just fine, managing to keep our chins up somehow.

Candidates Attend Iowa Democratic Party Jefferson WeGeBCrNAp-l

Lady M and Big Guy working the Iowans at the 2008 Jefferson-Jackson Day pre-caucus Dinner

Candidates Attend Iowa Democratic Party Jefferson IH-pmH_4n1Kl

           Yes, some of us look even better now than we did four years ago.

                    mo makeupmichelle-obama-necklaces

I attribute it all to healthy living -

Candidates Attend Iowa Democratic Party Jefferson p9ZplK0c2v3l

…and being proud of your country for the first time in your adult life.

What else could it be?

Obama US China

I mean besides makeup, photoshop and cosmetic chops?