Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A Big Bite Out of the Big Apple

First, there was the bowling for dollars fundraiser at Chelsea Piers. It only cost $150, way cheap by Lady M standards, butt we needed to throw an event that some of the little people could afford. So natch, we picked a bowling party for the cheap event.

The silver-lining? We finally established Lady M’s boundary: when she said “I’m pretty much willing to make a complete fool out of myself” apparently that didn’t include bowling.  She declined the offer to kegel a frame by saying it was because "bowling is like a potato chip -- you can't just do one;"  so I guess it has nothing to do with bowling’s beer frame/blue collar heritage.

Lady M’s second pickup yesterday, following the taping of Late Night, was a much pricier event in Tribeca. This one was hosted by Robert De Niro - frequent Big White visitor and frequent Big Guy fundraiser (coincidence).

lady M leaves latenightLeavin’ Letterman: we changed into a little black and silver number for the Tribeca fete

Robert De Niro played host at Locande Verde, the restaurant in his Greenwich Hotel, for a lady-centric political fund-raiser last night featuring Beyoncé, Star Jones, Whoopi Goldberg, Angela Bassett, and guest of honor Michelle Obama.

And who invited Beyoncé? Shouldn’t she be staying home to take care of her new baby instead of prancing around town looking, uh, hot?

b---h beyonceBeyoncé, out and about last weekend

Butt speaking of babies, did you know that Robert and Grace just welcomed their new baby girl (born by surrogate mom) last month? True. Impressive: most people are babysitting the grandkids at their ages (68 and 56), not busy looking to hire their own nanny.

denirohightowerNever too old to bring another limousine liberal into the world: we’ll always need donors

Anyway, look at all the big names hosting this little soiree at DeNiro’s Greenwich hotel:

inviteDe Niro

With names like that you can get away with charging  $5-25k per head (a steal at any price).

DeNiro's wife Grace Hightower also warmed up the crowd ahead of the First Lady's remarks. She ticked off Obama's accomplishments in the last three years and said he was up against "vampire energies" as he tried to get things done."

ve-1 copy

Vampire Energy: It sucks money out of your pocket even if you think they’re inactive. Apparently they’re always working in the background whether you know it or not. Sounds more like the Dems to me.

Also attending Bobby and Gracie’s cash-drop were several of the other usual suspects: Harvey Weinstein and designer wife Georgina Chapman, Gayle King, and Ben Stiller; in all, 85 marks, many of them women.

Lady M gave the crowd their money’s worth, as she always does:

After nearly a half-hour making a stump speech of sorts, the First Lady asked the fired-up crowd: “Final question to you all: Are you in?”
The crowd responded with raucous cheers as she repeated the question.
As the crowd chanted, “Fired up! Ready to go!” Obama left, waving her hands, blowing kisses and stopping for a brief hug with a young girl.

The hot topic of the night in Tribeca seemed to be the Republican War on Women: specifically "how the Republicans had crossed the line in terms of women's rights." I don’t know why all these wealthy Dems are so concerned with contraception all of a sudden. Maybe it’s because they prefer to have their babies by surrogate. Whatever, they sure seem riled up about Big Guy not being able to ram free condoms down people throats. Butt from the crowd response last night, it will provide just the sort of rallying cry we were looking for.

 4.2.7Angela would want you to

Anyway, speaking about the R-word’s War on Women reminds me of Lady M’s earlier visit with late night talk show host and misogynist David Letterman. As the Other Michelle has complained from time to time, David’s track record on “womyns rights” has been at times dismissive, even derisive:

Dear Dave Letterman
by Michelle Malkin
Creators Syndicate
Copyright 2009

Dear David Letterman,

Will you teach your son to talk about women and girls the way you talk about Sarah Palin and her daughters?

You called the married 45-year-old mother, grandmother, and Alaska governor “a slutty flight attendant” on your national TV talk show because she happens to be a tall, beautiful, and dynamic public figure who doesn’t look, walk, or talk the way you think she should.

You joked on national television about Palin’s teenage daughters “getting knocked up” by professional baseball player Alex Rodriguez or solicited by the prostitute-addicted former New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer because it’s acceptable in your social and professional circles to sneer openly at the children of politicians you despise

Butt like the true professional fund raiser she is, Lady M just ignored Dave’s previous bad behavior because, well, he’s got a lot of money, and we need a lot of money. And he’s a liberal, which is good for at least one or two get out of jail free cards.

So we started off on official business:

Obama, wearing a color-block dress in blue, green and cream adorned with a large sparkly blue brooch, dropped by Letterman's show to promote her Joining Forces initiative to support military families, and to talk up her husband, President Obama.

Screenshot Studio capture #407For the appearance we chose a very vogue color block frock, a look Lady M rocked last summer before everyone was doing it.

Then we covered some light topics:

Screenshot Studio capture #392

Hypothetically speaking, at the end of the day, has your husband ever come home and said to you, 'Oh, that John Boehner, what an idiot'?" Letterman asked.

"It has never happened, never, never," she replied. "He is always upbeat,

purple tie and drum rollDeplaning on the up-beat

particularly about Congress."

That would be the “Do Nothing Congress” – the one we’re upbeat about running against.

Then things turned a little more emotional on the Late Night set:

"We had rules, we had boundaries, but there wasn't anything my dad wouldn't do for us, and, uh--don't make me cry.  This isn't 'Oprah'!  It's supposed to be 'Letterman.' What's up?  Where are the laughs?"

Screenshot Studio capture #390Dave almost made Lady M cry real tears. Almost, then she remembered it wasn’t Oprah.

mo color blocked on letterman

The audience didn’t even get any free stuff, other than the bumper stickers Lady M brought. Of course, now that Oprah’s new network is going down the tubes, she’s not giving away free stuff anymore either. Boy this economy really sucks doesn’t it?


In closing, one last observation on the so-called hot trend of “color blocking:” it’s just a fancy term for recycling grandma’s tablecloths.

       tablecloth_thumb2OwiAQAMA9-Q1vXEy6IsHYJsQf-AWCsAG02yJgjB_pT707E3-3_QYbHHYAz9x9ogVS72VCZArZDZWCd729mxv8ypgbZnaR8F6_s1sorUzIjFJfRnvWSkvLPDxKvH5yMEpJkSibkzqK19zNqMVabEuuFlqMBPgDleaving rio

Lady M’s color blocked frock was most likely wasted on David anyway, I hear he’s color blind. Of course, all liberals claim that.

UPDATE: Apparently certain people (Newt) took umbrage with Mr. De Niro’s comment last night -

"Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?" De Niro asked to cheers from the crowd. "Too soon, right?"

and called on Big Guy to apologize.

"I do want to say one thing, both on behalf of my wife and on behalf of Karen Santorum and on behalf of Ann Romney, I think that Robert De Niro's wrong," Gingrich said. "I think the country is ready for a new first lady and he doesn't have to describe it in racial terms."

He went on to say that Lady M and the others were all fine women, butt this wasn’t about them, it was about Big Guy.

So our campaign has issued an official statement, more or less apologizing on Bobby’s behalf. It’s unclear from here if Big Guy has placed personal calls yet to Calista, Karen and Ann just to find out if they’re doing alright, and to assure them that their husbands are proud of them.