MOTUS A.D.: What’s the difference between a soccer mom and a pit bull?

Sunday, April 29, 2012

What’s the difference between a soccer mom and a pit bull?

The Big White Correspondents Dinner proved one thing for sure: Big Guy’s speech writers are no better at writing comedy than they are policy. And they aren’t very good at that either. Butt that’s OK, because that’s not what they’re supposed to do for a living.

For his part Big Guy took the opportunity to audition for his next job: playing himself in another Stephen Spielberg blockbuster: “Saving Private America.” It’s a fantasy.

Any way you’re probably wondering how the Correspondents’ Dinner – “The annual event, which brings together US President Barack Obama, Hollywood celebrities, news media personalities and Washington correspondents” ever came to be. Originally it was simply an opportunity for the poor shmucks assigned to cover the White House and the President day in and day out, to enjoy a night out. The idea was for the political correspondents to get together with the object of their hard hitting investigative coverage for a little light fun and frivolity. The correspondents were all allowed to invite guests, who tended to be people they admired: Senators, Congressmen, serious journalists and successful businessmen.

To some extent this is still the case, only now they refer to their party – ironically – as a nerd prom. It’s really an assembly of all the “cool” people who get together to rub elbows with the object of their affection. And they still invite their idols who now days tend to be cool Hollywood types who play politicians,

Ides of March star, George Clooney (don’t forget to buy your raffle ticket to win dinner with George and Big Guy!)

serious political writers:

Arianna, formerly of HuffPo

and successful businessmen,

Kevin Spacey, in Horrible Bosses

on the silver screen.

Plus there’s always a few lobbyists, activists, and other sluts thrown in for good measure.

The ever lovely Lindsay Lohan, lending her “talents” to the Washington Correspondents scene

Kim Kardasian, lobbying for a purpose

One of many uncomfortable moments: another close call on a “bitch stole my look” moment:

Leslie Mann (of Knocked Up fame) showed up in a dress very reminiscent of Lady M’s spectacular fruit salad dress.

Sandra Fluke, activist

Sandra Fluke was also in attendance last night. Not only is she an activist for the War Against Women, she’s also got a gig lined up to star in the sequel to Knocked Up, called Not Knocked Up. She owes that all to Big Guy.

And Lady M soldiered on, holding up her part as best FLOTUS in a supporting role. Laughing on cue and charming all the celebrities with that way she has of effortlessly tossing her head back with a dynamic combination of authority and sexual tension.

Oh, Jimmie!

Even our newly initiated Correspondents Dinner Red Carpet was a big hit. At least with Big Guy’s inner circle.

Howdy Messina with his prom date, left, and Mr. and Mrs. Claire Shipman, right.

So all-in-all, a good night, except for – what, 5 or 6 bad dog jokes?

Well, that will have to do it for my remote coverage of last night’s festivities. My portable wifi hot spot doesn’t work as well as Big Guy’s nerds said it would (surprise) so I’m experiencing technical difficulties. I should have just listened to Raj and relied on roadside Starbucks or gotten that new droid.

I almost forgot to give you the answer to the question, “What’s the difference between a soccer mom and a pit bull?”

Answer: The pit bull works for the DNC!