Friday, May 18, 2012

The Amateur and the Other Amateur

Four words: Amateurs, killing the messenger

No matter what happens from this point on, nobody can call Big Guy an Amateur. If, as we completely fear anticipate, he’s reelected in November, Big Guy will officially advance to the Preezy-Pro 2.0.

Butt even if (heaven forbid) the irresponsible citizens of this ungrateful country decide to retire Big Guy after only 4 innings, he will forever be known as the Former Preezy-Pro 1.0 (also marketed as the Ex-Pro-Preezy 2.5).

Either way, an amateur he’s not.

Practicing our good byes, just in case…

bo goodby compositeLookin’ good, no?

And as far as Lady M (also designated as Amateur #2 in Mr. Klein’s little book of lies) goes, let’s just say the Co-Preezy has plans for moving to the Tee-veezy, regardless of the outcome of November’s referendum.

mo entranceAnd now….here’s Mitchell!

As Clarice indicated yesterday, there are many  people excitedly awaiting Lady M’s new television show. Virtually everyone in television-land is pursuing us right now, and the Food TV people think they have the inside track because of all of their shameless pandering to MO’s No Child’s Fat Behind program:


Butt I’m thinking bigger. Much bigger - “Oprah big” in fact:


What more appropriate place for Lady M than on the “O” network? Even though it has fallen on hard times recently.

Of course, due to that little “falling out” that Lady M had with Oprah we may have to mend a few fences there first. Either that or get the U.S. Government to bail Oprah out (on the grounds she’s too big to fail) by buying her stake in the “O” Network out for pennies on the dollar. Only as a last resort would we be forced to launch a supremacy clause lawsuit to return the name to the rightful owners (which in the this case would obviously be the W“O”N). That case would ultimately be decided by those “two brilliant Supreme Court justices" appointed by Lady M’s husband, so I don’t think there’s much question about the outcome.

I HOPE if this all falls into place I might snag myself an associate producer slot, because I’ve got a lot of ideas for what direction we might want to go with Lady M’s new show:

mo talk show hostTraditional talk show

mo dance showDance party

mo fitness showButt-busters fitness program

mo food tvHealthy late night snacks

game show host moGame show host

And depending on what direction we ultimately decide to go, I’ve also got a few ideas for special segments:

Competitive Dressing competition

  • The challenge: demonstrate new, unanticipated by the designer, ways to wear clothing items: inside-out, upside-down, backwards, on a different body part, etc.

                  orange backwards shirtchinared3

Childish Physical Challenges

  • This segment would promote the kind of exotic MOOvement that kids used to get during recess before we realized how dangerous competition was to their fragile egos: sack races, jump rope, and hula hooping. Note: violent, terrorist training activities like dodge ball, tackle-ena and frisbee tossing have been banned by Bruno’s Homeland Security Drones and will not be permitted, even with signed waivers.

skippyFirst Lady Michelle Obama and kids double-dutch jump rope during a taping for the Presidential Active Lifestyle Award (PALA) challenge and Nickelodeon's Worldwide Day of Play, on the South Lawn of the White House, July 15, 2011. (Official White House Photo by Chuck Kennedy)

This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.

The Creative School Lunch Room snacks made from left overs challange

  • A competition to create new, healthy food items from products previously considered inedible. Each celebrity chef will be given 5 minutes to go through the garbage to salvage items that they will then transform into a healthy snack.

pink_cupcake1Mmmm! Repurposed Pink Slime! That’s good eats!

Dancing With the Czars

  • In this segment, common, ordinary folks like you and me (except that these folks will be rich, because they’ll have had to pony up cash to  for the privilege – and I’m not talkin’ the 3 buck minimum) will be selected to dance with Big Guy’s current and former Czars for real prizes. And here we’re talking about priceless items: signed pictures of the Wons, high definition recordings of Big Guy’s favorite reads on an official Barack Obama thumb drive, and more.


I’m thinking of doing some special annual events too: competitions featuring personal appearances by the Preezy himself. The biggest of these will be the annual TOTUS Throw-down, held on the anniversary of Big Guy’s historic, swearing in ceremony. In this competition, ordinary folks like you and…well - you know, like before - will get to challenge the Zen Master to a brutal test of teleprompter skills:

“Are you up to the challenge? Can you keep up with the scroll? Can you look left, then right, then left, then right, constantly cycling back and forth for hours and hours on end? Ok, it’s more like 30 to 45 agonizing minutes, butt it will seem like hours.”


Obama-Teleprompter-600x401Can YOU handle the TOTUS challenge?

Oh my gosh! I’m so excited…I guess I better get back down to earth for a while. None of this has been inked yet, and I know there are a lot of jealous people out there secretly hoping it doesn’t work out.


So I better not get ahead of myself. It’s just that I also heard a hot rumor that Lady M’s being considered as the replacement for JLo on American Idol next season too! Is that not inspired!??! Not only does she already know how to dress for the role:


She’s definitely got the JLo butt workin’:


And has she not already demonstrated her ability to pick American Idols?


So I say “bring it, girlfriend!”

oprah-winfrey_0_0_0x0_360x540I’m challenging YOU to a throw down!

We Can’t Wait!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Clarice on JustOneMinute, and sb on Weasel Zippers, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and anyonebutbarry2012 on GrettaWire, Thanks!