Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey: BDSM all day, every day.

What is it going to take to WIN around here?

It was bad enough that the Republicans declared War On Women, butt now it seems they’ve launched several new offensives, are advancing from behind the lines and have even established an underground of resistance fighters comprised primarily of former allies.(h/t Jayne)

And the Clinton wing of the Democrat Party continues to lob grenades at Obama, undermining his bleak message of scapegoating and diversion with shiny objects ("Look over there -- it's a woman who can't get free contraceptives!").

Isn’t it bad enough that we have to contend with this new Mitt Romney creature who came from out of nowhere to harass us nearly every day:

Now it looks like apostates have even infiltrated some of our most reliable strongholds

It has been a Junius Horribilis for President Obama.

Job growth has stalled, the Democrats have been humiliated in Wisconsin, the attorney general is facing a contempt-of-Congress citation, talks with Pakistan have broken down, Bill Clinton is contradicting Obama, Mitt Romney is outraising him, Democrats and Republicans alike are complaining about a “cascade” of national-security leaks from his administration, and he is now on record as saying that the “private sector is doing fine.”

snip

The AP asked about the president’s unfortunate private-sector-is-fine remark. The Reuters correspondent asked about the economic “head winds” from Europe. Ed Henry of Fox News Channel asked about the looming contempt-of-Congress vote against Attorney General Eric Holder. Margaret Talev of Bloomberg News asked about the Supreme Court striking down Obamacare. Norah O’Donnell of CBS News asked about calls for a special prosecutor to probe leaks. Victoria Jones of Talk Radio News asked about the stalled talks with Pakistan.

I mean really, if we’ve lost Joan Rivers, maybe we’ve already lost the war on women.

joan-rivers-fingerThis is no laughing matter

Rivers agreed with the notion that the president’s policies were unfairly harsh to the rich, saying, “I think if I work very hard, I should be able to gather the fruits of my labor. And I think if you’re not about to work, you should get minimal and leave me alone.

She went on to explain that she doesn’t do political comedy herself because she hates politics and

“because every moron is doing it.” Every moron, that is, except Bill Maher, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, whom she cites as exceptions to the rule.

Agreed: while they are morons, they’re definitely not doing comedy.

Anyway, here’s how serious this is; Snarky Basterd came out of self-imposed exile just to get in on the feeding frenzy (you’ll find him over there in my sidebar under Feed Your ADHD). Just this morning he opines that Big Guy is doomed without our lapdogs in the MSM. How is that going to cheer anyone up here in the Big White? Especially Mr. Claire Shipman, who I found curled up in a little ball last night behind his podium whimpering “yes we can” over and over again. Not pretty.

libya -hmmIf there are any more questions I’ll be happy to not answer them too.

Now that all out war has been declared, it seems nothing is sacred anymore. Not even Lady M as Gerard kindly brought to my attention and referred for my handling.

Remember the dress we saw Lady M in for the debut of her NYT best selling gardening thriller by a political wife?

mo bloomberg interview

Well here’s why you didn’t see the full length shot:

Michelle Obama Boy By Band Of Outsiders 1Lady M’s Fifty Shades of Grey

Sometimes you wear the dress and sometimes the dress wears you. And sometimes, you overpay by $1400 to have the distinct honor of looking ridiculous.

…there’s a big difference between a flattering, gradual color shift, which, on hourglass figures can flatter by accentuating the a-line on a dress like this, and looking like the dog threw up on your hem and you had to wash it out in a pool that had been winterized in 1975.

The “author” of this smear piece then speculated that this was a customized version of one of these two designer versions:

                           boy longboy short

They are reasonably priced at just $800 (short) or $1600 (long) so she assumed MO’s version cost somewhere in that range. I assure you, customizing for Lady M at least doubles the cost of the original due to the extra fabric required for Lady M’s statuesque physique; so let’s just say the actual cost was somewhere between $1600 and $3200, plus shipping and handling. Not that we have to pay for them though.

Butt you can imagine the trouble Little Bo found himself in when he ate a little something from the organic garden of good & evil that didn’t agree with him and he had an unfortunate accident in the proximity of the lovely new frock. Lady M had selected the dress for the American Grown debut specifically because it perfectly reflects her well cultivated earth-mother image. And she wasn’t about to change her plans.

So, even with a little laundering we wound up having to have our customized long version shortened after all due to, well, those pesky stubborn stains along the hemline. Butt don’t worry, Granny R did the job herself for no additional charge (other than what we already pay her for babysitting). She just zipped it up on her Singer, and I think the final version turned out swell.

Michelle Obama Interview

Not only does this in-between length show off Lady M’s historic gams to full effect, butt you hardly even noticed the staining effect of Little Bo’s allergic reaction to black kale as it blends right in with the pattern.

Little Bo serving time as a garden gnome for his transgression

black kale Black Kale: very dangerous if you’re allergic

Actually the final version of the dress looks pretty much the way the designer envisioned it. I think her inspiration had something to do with that new racy bestseller that everyone’s talking about: Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s giving Lady M’s book a run for her money on the bestseller list.

It’s not a fair contest though, as I understand “Grey” is very, very hot! As in sexy hot. In fact a lot of people are referring to it as “Mommy porn.” The book that is, not the dress.

So anyway, if you want some BDSM porn for your summer reading list – and who doesn’t – I guess Fifty Shades of Grey is your book. Or you can just stick with me while I follow the continuing saga of Washington life with BO and MO. Same concept: all BDSM all the time.

Linked By: Orenthal Simpson on Business Insider, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!