Big Guy can’t do anything about the deficit because he can’t get the do-nothing Congress to work with him. He can’t do anything about the terrible economy (which he isn’t responsible for anyway…that honor goes to George W and his do-too-much Congress) because the do-nothing Congress won’t let him spend any more money.
This has some of our Dems rattled. They’re starting to ask “What is Big Guy responsible for?” And “what is the Big White really competent at?” So we’ve been tasked with coming up with a list. Here’s what we’ve got so far:
- drone attacks
- picking Green Energy winners
- parties for Presidential Medal of Freedom winners
Shimon Peres finally showed up last night, 3 weeks late, to collect his Presidential Medal; BO threw him a special party so Lady M could get a new frock.
- more parties
- and last, butt not least, using mass media to promulgate our pogroms.
The latest entry in this category is another Food TV show, Restaurant Impossible:
“Another reality program has descended upon Washington, hoping to make-over one more of our struggling businesses/institutions for the amusement of a television audience. The only difference this time is that the crews were invited by Michelle Obama.”
Host of the Restaurant Impossible series is iron-pumper and former member of the British Royal Navy, Robert Irvine. The rest of his qualifications, like many others around here, remain a little
shady hazy. Butt that hasn’t prevented him from becoming a huge star either.
Oh oh! Look at those guns! It looks like we’ve got a competition, not an exhibition.
On Restaurant Impossible Robert usually redoes a failing family restaurant from dining room décor to menu, butt per Lady M’s request (delivered via a personal, professionally taped, message on a brand new iPad! Email and tweets are so little people-ish) this time he did a makeover of Horton's Kids, a Washington, DC non-profit community center and after school mess hall. Robert built them a new community space, dining room, kitchen and sustainable Victory Garden. Like Lady M, Robert has a buzzy staff of little people that do all the actual work so he was able to do it all in just 48 hours! At the rate we’re going Big Guy won’t have that much to show for his 48 months of “work.”
So, when everything is miraculously done, sparkly clean and new, Lady M shows up to hug and high-five everybody!
And to eat!
‘Regardless, you have to hand it to the first lady for finding ways to use pop-culture TV to promote her various agendas, whether childhood obesity on NBC’s “The Biggest Loser,” support for military families on Nickelodeon’s “iCarly” or healthful eating on Food Network’s “Iron Chef America.”’
You probably remember them, as I was there to cover all of those historical events:
NBC was first to step up to the plate, showcasing Lady M’s good wishes and best intents for the health of the little people. They found a way to also display her amazing athletic abilities in a “Biggest Losers” two-part special, part one of which debuted this week. It’s been hyped for over 3 weeks now, so we’re really getting our “money’s worth" out of this in-kind campaign contribution.
She received kudos for her dancing, as well as her acting skills:
Her acting skills also drew praise. The cast was impressed with Obama's ability to deliver her lines in the compressed time they had to shoot the scenes.
"She has good comic timing in real life, too," Cosgrove said
And of course the historic first, First Lady TV appearance on Iron Chef America way back in January of 2010, Battle Croc-Pot:
Since this is one battle that we do not intend to lose, Big Guy called together the joint chiefs of staff, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, Bruno and Rahmbo to provide an assessment of our war plan before deploying our troops to the battle ground in Kitchen Stadium. He called a press conference to announce that he will accept the team’s recommendations without question and deploy without delay. Apparently there are some big endorsements riding on a win.
He wrapped up the presser by reading the following statement: “Let me be clear: our response will be targeted and robust. We will defeat our adversaries with extraordinary dispatch and secure a historic victory for the American people.”
For the record: our team WON! Of course.
Lately people are beginning to wonder just how long the current reality show will be running in Washington. The Extreme Makeover America crew showed up 3 1/2 years ago and has pretty much been occupying the Big White and Senate ever since. Rumors of it being cancelled come November are flying around, butt so far there’s been no confirmation.
In the meantime, just follow the rules and nobody will get hurt.
h/t: Full-Metal Spanx