You’ve seen the hype and the promos: Iron Chef White House! Staring Lady M!!! Finally, a battle we can win. White House Executive Chef Cristeta Comerford will be teamed up with Bobby Flay, and they will take on Iron Chefs Mario Batali and Emeril Lagasse on the historic FoodTV battle. There will be blood.
It’s going to be anti-climactic though, since we already know who’s going to win. Big Guy and MO finally learned, after coming away from both of our Copenhagen trips empty-handed: we don’t go anywhere from now on without the fix being in.
Our friends in the supportive media would have you believe that this is all about our organic garden and our passion for healthy eating (and I can assure you that MO is a very passionate eater). But come on guys - If that was what it was all about, do you really think Food TV would be our chosen venue? I mean really - look at who fronts for them:
Nice belt Rachael!
wearing even a very large zebra will not make your butt look small
Guys who think pork fat rules:
Do any of these icons of food fashion strike you as poster children for healthy eating?
No, there’s much more going on here. MO and BO have taken a page from the Clinton administration and are starting to line up gigs for the after-the-show-show. This is all about future endorsements, people.
Since this is one battle that we do not intend to lose, Big Guy called together the joint chiefs of staff, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, Bruno and Rahmbo to provide an assessment of our war plan before deploying our troops to the battle ground in Kitchen Stadium. He called a press conference to announce that he will accept the team’s recommendations without question and deploy without delay. Apparently there are some big endorsements riding on a win.
He wrapped up the presser by reading the following statement: “Let me be clear: our response will be targeted and robust. We will defeat our adversaries with extraordinary dispatch and secure a historic victory for the American people.”
Then he added that we would do so while simultaneously reducing our carbon footprint, and using only fully sustainable ingredients from the garden. Now you see why we had to rig this thing.
- Lady M in her organic garden, doing her impression of a peacock
Aside from getting her own FoodTV network show – which is a no-brainer – we’re also lining up some future sponsors for MO. I can’t name names of course, but I think you’ll be able to identify one of our future sponsors if you watch the show.
Before the deal with C---s was inked…
After we inked it…
And there will be others…
Happy New Year people! Our recession is now officially over! So go buy yourself an apron and get back to scanning Monster.com and CareerBuilders.com to end yours. Now that food is fashionable again, I’m sure there will be lots of job openings for short order cooks at Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.