Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Half Shoeless, and Totally Clueless

Oh my. Here we go again with the weird footwear. It all started during our summer vacation on Martha’s Vineyard (pricey island holidays are quickly becoming a hallmark of our reign presidency). We stopped the presses with our first pair of Maison Martin Margiela’s upon our return. No one had ever seen such fashion forward footwear on the FLOTUS before. Lady M’s feet became an accessorized extension of her world famous gams.

So I don’t know if it’s Big Guy or Ikram who has a thing about naked toes. But geeze-Louise – these are not toes meant for public display, with or without the $400 pedicure. With all the kicking-holes-in-walls-with-feet days that we’ve been through, we’ve broken a toe or two (that was before we had poor little Bo – the dog, not Big Guy – to kick around). And as we all know, broken digits never heal up quite right again.


And of course, the infamous “six toe” conspiracy always comes up when Lady M bares half of her size 13’s. For the last time, people: she only has 5 toes on each foot. The squeezing into too-small shoes presents a situation even my trans-imaging powers cannot alleviate:

six toe sandels[4]

img-thing This is not a shoe designed for hammer toes or piggies that have been broken in previous airing of grievances sessions.












The famous $585 green Lanvin sneakers, perfect for slinging hash down at the homeless shelter.womens-green-lanvins


But we’re putting the best spin we can on a foot fetish that requires regular infusions of ugly shoes costing north of $500. Should it come up in a press briefing - and it probably won’t – we instructed Gibbsy to say that the latest un-shoe that Lady M’s sporting is actually  recession-fighting footwear. Like everyone else, MO’s “cutting back.” Brilliant, no? Toes came up with it. He’s an expert in both spin and foot fetishes.


Women - All - Giuseppe Zanotti Design Suede Buckle Boots_1262128091220

We’re going to need something a little more practical when we go back to D.C. I think this little number from Giuseppe Zanotti could make quite a statement. At a very reasonable $1243, they’re a good stimulus booster.




Women - All - Peachoo   Krejberg Leather Lace-Up Boots_1262128152051

On the other hand, these leather lace-up boots by Peachoo + Krejberg might set a better example of frugality, at  a blow out price of $913. Plus they have the added benefit of looking great with the new civilian para-military Obamacorps uniforms.


Oh yeah, about that dress? I was hoping you wouldn’t notice, with the shoes and all. What can I say? Mai Tai’s aren’t for everyone. One more example of how dangerous it is to drink and dress.