We’re working through our response to the latest vicious Romney attack ads. Here’s what we’ve got so far:
Hear no evil. Just don’t listen:
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: “They’ll have a bunch of ads with the scary voices and you know, most of what you hear you can just go mute. Just press the mute button. That’s a good thing about the remote. Or you can use the DVR and fast forward.
See no evil. Just refuse to see what you think you saw:
The president's supporters have a multipronged counterargument: Either he didn't make those comments or they were taken out of context or even if they are in context they don't matter because we should be reading between the lines.(snip)
A commenter on Emily Ekins' post last night goes even further, condemning the "intellectual dishonesty it takes to believe that's what he said.
To which author Tim Cavanaugh replies: "So I'll bite: What should we believe he said, other than what he in fact said? "
Thank you Tim, that’s a good lead-in for our next and final strategy:
Speak no evil: This one is the trickiest so far, especially since we’ve already tried the old “it was taken out of context” trick and couldn’t get enough air to fly a paper airplane. In fact, Mrs. P argues that:
“…the context makes the quote worse, not better.”
Obama’s utter contempt for the idea that people deserve to prosper due to the fruits of their own labors and their own skills is made even deeper and more apparent from the entire quote...
This presented a bit of a dilemma given the fact that once you’ve let the
truth horse out of the barn it’s always harder to claim you’ve solved the problem by going back in the barn and closing the door. Butt after days of noodling and strategizing, here’s what the Big Brained Dream Team come up with: “He didn’t say that! No, really! He didn’t!”
Up till now - no matter how ridiculous on it’s face - if it was uttered by our silver-tongued devil it was taken on its face to be brilliant and our lapdogs would jump through hoops to prove it. Since even they’re having a little trouble with this one, BBDT decided that step one was to send BO out to claim he didn’t say that! This will push the silver-tongue myth to the brink, butt I think he can pull it off. It’s just a slight variation on the Emperor’s New Clothes fairy tale, and that one’s still working for us.
Step two: our Truth Team launched an ad calling Romney a liar for daring to use our own words against us. I guess it’s a pretty good ad, butt when Little Mo ran it through the MOTUS truth-o-lator it spit out a slightly different version. If you insist on your truth being perfectly clear and completely transparent you may want to watch the MOTUS composite version of the campaign ad:
Let me make this perfectly clear: Romney said that Big Guy said “if you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.” When what Big Guy actually said was “if you’ve got a business, that, you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.
Did you see how “that” worked? Romney clearly misquoted Big Guy and took his words out of context by dropping “that” superfluous non-fluency “that” Big Guy inserted. (Note to self: we have got to get TOTUS back in the game.)
Anyway, if this new attack campaign doesn’t do the trick, we’ll just have to change the subject. I can’t believe I’m saying this, butt thank goodness for that distraction in Colorado. We’ll be making the most of that later today to once again put Big Guy’s humanity and empathy on display and to ask for a reinstallation of civility in America. And to remind everyone why the Second Amendment is really not such a good idea after all.
Now, in unrelated news, it seems that the freak October snowstorm that knocked out power for days across the the Northeast last year has resulted in a mini-baby boom, with maternity wards all up and down the Atlantic seaboard being unusually busy this week. Big Guy issued a statement earlier today issuing congratulations to the new parents, butt reminding them that “you didn’t do that on your own, Mother Nature did that.”
1Troll note: I chose these cute little black AND white penguins instead of the racist chimps conventionally used to illustrate this aphorism. You’re welcome.