It was such a big weekend, I think a recap is in order:
First, the numbers: Big Guy officially hit the big 200! Fundraisers that is; no other sitting president, living or dead has ever held that many in the first three and a half years of their first term. Or even their first seven and a half years. That takes an unusual amount of commitment and focus, butt it paid off. Not only did BO’s weekend performance post a personal best, butt it was also a world record.
Just because the rally with the cheap seats was only half full doesn’t mean his supporters don’t still love BO, it just means they’re out of work and can’t afford the price of admission any more.
Butt speaking of records: Team USA broke another Olympic record for total medals - we’re Number 1!
Not to gloat, butt we whipped China’s butt, and they cheat. At everything.
Plus, Lady M turned in a record-breaking sack of cash this weekend from her sweep of the enclaves of the rich and famous one percenters. She was particularly grateful for the chance to
fleece meet with the Hollywood glitterati, giving a shout out to her host, Gwen Stefani:
"I mean, they are letting all of us just enter their house, all the chaos, and they're being so good about it today. So thank you, guys, for letting us come -- indeed."
Indeed. She proceeded to explain how important they all were in the upcoming election:
"Barack can't do it alone. He's not Spider-Man. He's not a superhero. He's a human, so we need your help.
I don’t want to tick Lady M off, butt while Big Guy may not be Spiderman, clearly, he’s some kind of superhero!
Lady M continues…
I am not just talking to the adults here today. I am talking to the young people here as well. All of our young people -- you might not be old enough to vote. You vote at school, I know -- I met several young people who are going to be voting for my husband, who are 10 and under -- we accept those votes.
And why wouldn’t we accept those votes? We accept all votes: young ones, old ones and the previously undead ones. They all count, butt some count twice as many times. Right?
No pictures allowed at Gwen’s soiree of course, butt trust me, Lady M was stunning in her blue sundress:
Lift-off: must be that “head full of fluffy nonsense” providing the loft (h/t Clarice). Either that or Lady M has super powers too.
And of course the really big news last weekend came from David Axelrod, Obama-Brain and Spokes-mouth, who referred to Romney’s chosen Vice Presidential running mate Paul Ryan as a "certifiable right-wing ideologue," as if that’s a bad thing.
As we all know, only “certifiable left-wing ideologues” can make “the rise of the oceans begin to slow and our planet begin to heal.” While certified left-wing ideologues use their super powers to save the planet, certifiable right-wing ideologues use their evil powers only to “thrill the most strident voices” in the Republican party while yammering about “fiscal responsibility” and “saving the economy.” Heartless bastards.
So I guess David Axelrod is right, this election is going to come down to a clear choice:
Obama-Biden: save the planet from the rising oceans:
or, R2: save the country from the rise in socialism.
And this just in from the weekend clean-up crew: there’s bias in the Media! Yes, really. There were 10,000 citations of Paul Ryan’s plan to “gut” Medicare this weekend and not one mention of the fact that Obamacare cuts $700 billion out of Medicare in one fell swoop in order to help the poor! I suppose they’re saving that for later in the campaign, after they think of a way to use it in order to help R2.
Then, the biased Sunday morning talk show hosts unfairly piled on the Ax-man and poor Sargent Schultz about an ad by Priorities USA that neither of them had absolutely any knowledge of.
While giving Stephanie Cutter - the one person who knows everything about it – a complete pass! Can you believe it?
Well, maybe Sgt. Schultz did know a little something about it, butt assumed you did too. Or something.
Still, I’m pretty sure that David, head of Big Guy’s reelection campaign, didn’t. Know anything that is.
Meanwhile, I’m looking forward to more coverage of Romney’s refusal to release those 10 years of tax returns during which he paid zero taxes.
And if, like me, you missed the closing ceremonies at the Olympics because of all the other big campaign news, here they are:
This sure looks like an interesting way to wrap things up. They’re dancing zombies in case you didn’t recognize them. I understand their next gig will be in Chicago on November 6. Don’t miss them.
And finally, here’s one last bit of news that might have slipped under your radar due to other pressing weekend engagements: Egypt’s Islamist President Sacks Powerful Army Chief…military coup to follow. I added that last part myself, butt you can take it to Vegas.
So that’s it: I think we’re all up too date on the latest news from the alternate universe now. You are now free to get on with your week.