MOTUS A.D.: `If you don't know what to uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.'

Friday, October 19, 2012

`If you don't know what to uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.'

How many times do I have to tell him?

BO should never be allowed to operate without a net, which is to say, without TOTUS. And this endless loop of Big Guy on the Daly Show being played exclusively on Fox is precisely why.

Sure, he was just “mirroring” ( Embarrassed smile ) Jon’s own words. Butt let me be clear: Jon Stewart said the government’s RESPONSE to Benghazi was “not optimal” (clearly, when your consulate calls for help, and none is dispatched, that would be considered sub-“optimal”) butt what Big Guy “mirrored” back was “if four Americans get KILLED, that’s not optimal.”

No, that’s not optimal. Butt let me explain: Big Guy is so conditioned to “read” whatever thoughts he has that when TOTUS is unavailable for comment BO tends to “read” off anything else that happens to be nearby: including people’s words, signs, whatever:

“I inherited a big mess, we’ll hit a few bumps in the road, you didn’t build that!”

So now that I’ve explained that little mis-misunderstanding, let’s get on to other important news from yesterday: Both Big Guy and Mitt Romney attended the traditional Al Smith Charity Dinner where everyone pokes fun at everybody else - all in good humor - and for a good cause.

Nice cummerbund Cardinal! Where can I get one?

Lady M didn’t attend. You can see how lost BO is without her.

Actually MO was busy recovering (over dinner) from an earlier taping of the Live! With Kelly and Michael show in New York (which airs today, don’t miss it!).

Former NFL defensive end Michael Strahan makes Lady M look positively diminutive. And what a pretty little frock!

Additional reasons for Lady M not attending the dinner of rich white guys: the burka she generally wears to meet with members of the Catholic Church hierarchy was at the cleaners.

And beyond all that MO doesn’t really like white-tie affairs, because they’re emblems of racist White Imperialism. Unless of course they’re inaugurals for Big Guy, in which case they are paeans to the White Man’s Burden, and reason to be proud of your country for the first or second time in your adult life.

Butt Ann was there:

And looking quite lovely! Despite being 16 years older than Lady M, a breast cancer survivor and a MS sufferer. Probably because she “actually never worked a day in her life” (h/t: Hillary Rosen) she was somehow able to tape a TV show herself earlier in the day. In the lion’s den of the “ladies” of the View. Talk about a “hostile workplace.”

I’ll have some of whatever she’s taking.

And while she looked lovely, as always, I’m sticking with my recommendation of no hair below chin level for ladies of a certain age. Unless you wear it up.

Wow! I rest my case.

Anyway, I planned to get on with our Alice in Wonderland motif today – continuing with the Red Queen’s march through the croquet field, mindlessly ordering the decapitation of her royal subjects:

“The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast, screamed `Off with her head! Off—'”

However, due to the hateful out pouring of hate from haters everywhere, I think I better bury this story for awhile because it seems to be getting rather ugly:

And by “ugly” I mean “ugly:”

`I never heard of "Uglification," Alice ventured to say. `What is it?'

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. `What! Never heard of uglifying!' it exclaimed. `You know what to beautify is, I suppose?'

`Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: `it means--to--make--anything-- prettier.'

`Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, `if you don't know what to uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.'