actual photo h/t Blazing Cat Fur
In eleven hundred and seventy eight
Muhammad sailed through the Hormuz strait.
He had three ships that left from Persia;
Heading out and sailing further
Than anyone had sailed before
To land upon America’s shore.
And that, my friends, is the legend of how Muslims discovered America, 300 years before Columbus. And that’s great news, just in time for Thanksgiving! It means Western Imperialism is off the hook for stealing and raping the Indians’ land, brutally killing Native Americans with long guns and small pox and introducing everything from racism, sexism, anti-gay bigotry, and the class system to the Americas; by all rights that credit rightfully belongs to the Muslims now.
And since they have not been given any credit for it, can you blame them for wanting to kill all of us?
Oh sure, Big Guy tried to give them credit belatedly on Eid al-Fitr last August, saying:
“Eid also reminds us of the many achievements and contributions of Muslim Americans to building the very fabric of our nation and strengthening the core of our democracy.”
Since most people couldn’t even think of one, let alone “many” achievements, without resorting to – as Father Sarducci might say “two of them being-a card tricks.”
h/t Father Sarducci
1. Getting us here in the first place: No, not “discovering” America, butt by blocking the eastern route to Asia. “Because the fall of Constantinople to the Muslims in 1453 closed the trade routes to the East.” Thus forcing Christopher Columbus to set off to find a western route.
2. Slavery: Oh yes; Muslims didn’t invent slavery butt they certainly did capitalize on it: “Arguably, then, if it weren’t for the Islamic slave industry on the African continent, there would have been no slavery in the New World, and none of the attendant national traumas that reverberate down to this day.”
3. The Marines: “From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli…” The Marines became a permanent fixture of our fighting forces during the first war the U.S. fought against Islamic jihadists on the Barbary Coast in 1801-05.
4. A drastically weakened economy: 9-11: ‘nuf said, I think. “We experience the effects of this every day in a thousand ways, large and small – in an America that is poorer, uglier, meaner, more dangerous, less productive and less efficient than it was on September 10, 2001.”
5. The TSA: “the TSA and the Department of Homeland Security are two new bloated and ever-growing bureaucracies, further draining the already depleted American taxpayer.”
Perhaps this up-till-now oversight of Muslims’ proper place in history explains why they have been at war with us for the past 500 years. I don’t really know how to explain the first 900 years however – at least not in any politically correct manner.
So in an attempt to make amends for this slighting of Muslim accomplishments in world history I’m launching a new feature I’m calling:
Here are a few of my favorite entries:
1. Muslim engineer accidentally invents the wheel, still working on the concept: (h/t DeweyFromDetroit)
2.Muslim scientist in weapons lab, praying to discover cold fusion:
3. Muslims in space:
Next I suppose we’re going to be hearing from the Chinese, claiming that they discovered America. I guess that’s plausible; how else do you explain all those Chinese restaurants?
That’s fine by me too; there’s certainly enough guilt to spread around.
Why should the white man get all of it?
Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network