Friday, February 20, 2015

From Foggy Bottom to Foggy Top

I would let up on the Marie Harf harfing, butt the news just came in that we’re breaking up the old JayVee team; Jen has been promoted to Varsity and will be moving up from her Foggy Bottom assignment to be Big Guy’s personal communications assistant over at Foggy Top.

no psaki ingNo more Psakiing at State! We’re moving up!

This should be fun: Now we’re going to get Psakied while simultaneously being Grubered.


Unfortunately I’ve learned that Marie Harf will NOT be moving up to the top job at State. Some claim it’s due to this thesis she wrote in college:

State Department spokeswoman Marie Harf wrote her college honors thesis on “how conservative evangelical support for Israel complicates U.S. foreign policy,” according to Indiana University records.

Personally I don’t see how anything can complicate a non-existent U.S. foreign policy, butt then I don’t have a prestigious degree like Marie.

However others claim she’s being passed over because, well, her trial balloon failed to launch:

A State Department insider says Psaki's deputy, Marie Harf, will not be promoted to the top job following disastrous performances this week. Harf's high-profile media appearances were a 'test run,' the official said, 'and she failed spectacularly'

Come on! That’s not fair! It’s not like she created the “jobs for jihadis” pitch herself – somebody else did that for her.

I know you’ve got a lot of balloons here, butt I don’t know; they all seem a little underinflated…and black.

And seriously? Do you think anybody could have made that pitch without getting laughed off the stage? - Oh wait; Obama:

The president reprised many of the themes he outlined in a speech to conference participants Wednesday afternoon, including the need to lift up moderate Muslim voices on social media and elsewhere and provide economic and political opportunities to disaffected citizens.

I meant anyone else?

Butt alright then: let’s review what we learned yesterday:

  • You can Gruber America as long as you use the proper “nuance” (generally acquired only through an Ivy League education) and enough hot air.

image_american-gothicAmerican Gothic: Psakied and Grubered

  • The best way to tamp down {{Islamic}} extremism is with one little four letter word – jobs: J-O-B-S.

joey 10 fingersCreepy Joey, performing Common Core Math tricks, without a net

  • And if we really want to fix things in the Middle East we’re probably going to have to throw in education, social justice, and some infrastructure with high-speed trains and internet off ramps so they can enjoy social media like the rest of the world.

What is true is that when millions of people, especially you are impoverished and have no hope for the future, when corruption inflicts daily humiliation on people, when there are no outlets by which people can express their concerns, resentment festers. The risk of instability grows. Where young people have no education they are more vulnerable to conspiracy theories and radical ideas.”

Now then, let’s get back to the important stuff: finding a replacement for Jen as top spox-mouth at the State Department; may I suggest an appropriate replacement? Someone who’s trained and ready to hit the ground running?  Joey B, of course, he’s good at running interference:

bo and joey

He thinks really fast on his feet, and is pretty good with nuance. As a bonus, he’s pretty good with the ladies, which is sure to impress Angela and the Saudis.


Yep, I think we’ve found the perfect replacement for Jen.


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Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network and RedState