Thursday, April 8, 2010

Put MO-power In Your Life With The moPad©

Seeing as how I am, like, super-high tech and all, this is a little embarrassing for me to admit. But until today I didn’t know what an iPad was. We’ve been terribly busy around here with the No Child’s Fat Behind program and Big Guy’s take over of the health industry; and so while I had heard of it, I just assumed it was something nice girls didn’t talk about in mixed company.

But while I was visiting over on American Digest today, I finally found out what everyone’s talking about. It’s actually sort of like a big iPhone. Only it’s not a phone. Actually, it’s sort of like a whole bunch of things, without actually being any of those things. I’m not making much sense, but you can read the reviews for yourself over at AD if you want to know more.

But there is one review that has caused quite a stir here in Big White. It’s a video by some dweeb, probably a “Rush baby,” comparing the iPad to the obamaPad. I’ll repost it here so you can take a quick look.


 iPad .vs. obamaPad via American Digest

Apart from the obvious fact that this kid is a “hater,” and probably a racist, he’s getting a little too close for comfort on the second generation iPad due out this October:


moPad© : Second Generation iPad In Stores This October

It packs a ton of features not included in the first generation and it’s obviously much more fashion forward (note the stylized boob-belt graphics, not available on any other model). And… it comes pre-loaded with 4 super fantastic apps:

  1. What Would MO Wear? (WWMW)©
  2. What Would MO Eat?    (WWME) ©
  3. What Would MO Do?     (WWMD) ©
  4. How Would MO Vote?   (HWMV) ©

These apps will take the head-achey part out of life’s daily decisions. My favorite is the What Would MO Wear?© app. It is super cool and I’m going to get to help develop it, based on some of my recently de-classified technology. It’s going to be a fashion forward advisor (like Ikram) for all you little people.

First you take pictures of all your clothes and accessories with the built in camera. Then, when you want to throw together a fashion forward look, you hit the What Would MO Wear© icon on the touch screen and voila! The app shows you what to select from your wardrobe and how to accessorize. Of course, most of you won’t have a wardrobe that will allow you to clone the full FLOTUS look. Even if you do have the wardrobe, you won’t have access to our private label “Lady M” Spanx collection which is designed to keep us within our borders. Nor will you have the support of my classified trans-imaging technology to let you see in virtual reality what you can only envision in your head. But it will still be a big help.

With the What Would MO Eat?© app, you never have to agonize over a menu again. Just hit the WWME icon, select the name of the restaurant you are in (if your restaurant isn't on the list, you should consider leaving and going to one that is) and “your order” of steamed Tuscan kale grilled with organic yam steak with yuzu juice will be entered without you ever having to speak to a snotty waiter. And you’ll even get MO’s desert selection of the day. Today it’s baked okra poppers. (The third generation moPad© will include an optional What Would Mo REALLY Eat© app.)

What Would MO Do?© is like having an ethics genie in a jar. Let’s say you recently graduated from an Ivy League law school and you have been offered a middle range 6 figure salary by a top New York law firm and an unpaid volunteer Community Organizer position with a new not-for-profit group, “OCORN”. What do you think MO would do? Now there’s no need to guess, your moPad© will lead you down the right correct post-partisan path every time.

The best part of the new moPad© is that you can cast your ballot in all US elections on it. That’s right! It’s the only device approved by the Federal Election Commission for use in all Federal elections, beginning in November 2010. You can cast your ballot from home, Starbucks or any park bench close enough to a Starbucks to have wifi access. And you can let your friends vote with it too. As many times as they’d like. Your ballot is accessed simply by touching the How Would MO Vote?© icon, and all of the messy part of making a selection has already been done for you.

Big Guy says this will “transform the way we elect our government” here in America. I’m afraid he might be right.

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