Friday, November 19, 2010

Moovin’ ‘n Shakin’ the Bacon

Our “Let’s Move” program was on the blocks while we hit the campaign trail and the world stage. But now we’re back. Yesterday we put the word out that royal purple was the hue du jour for color matching to Lady M’s workout gear. Newark Mayor Cory Booker obliged,


as did NY Police Chief Ray Kelly.


We donned our new grey gabardine top with a new  grey and red metallic brocade skirt, accessorized with a recycled shoofly on a 3 foot drapery cord, in Newark, where we went to tell the kids to get their fat behinds moving. The skirt was very short, the boob belt was very big and the boots were to die for. Or at least that’s how they smelled to me.

 expansion joints

I had the seamstress install some expansion joints in the skirt, just to prevent any embarrassing wardrobe failures. I’m pretty confident with the containment system, which does meet NASA standards, but the external layer can only withstand so much pressure (approx. 35k psi) before giving way. I think she did a pretty good job (the seamstress). You have to look really close to even see where she installed them. Maybe now Lady M will consider using her more often.

MO slipped into her work out gear for the Harlem P.A.L. appearance.


Here’s our sexy royal purple work out gear that the team was ordered to coordinate with. Sexier from the front than the back however.

FireShot-_5 Grabbing the relay bag – in designated lavender hue

Later, Lady M ordered the kids to move their fat behinds. She looked like she meant business.



red relay Nice relay, wait! Hue violation! This bag is red!

Big Guy’s day didn’t go quite as well, aside from the gloating over GM’s IPO which he’s taking credit for and using as an offset to the deficit ( he doesn’t really know how accounting works). Of course the bondholders and common shareholders are still ticked off about getting screwed in BO’s bail out that gave the biggest piece of the pie to his union buddies. Butt they’ll forget about it by 2012.

On the other side of yesterday’s ledger (we’re still working on that “ledger” concept with Big Guy) we had to record a few negatory entries.

First there was the  Ahmed Ghailani decision: Guilty on 1 count, not guilty on 284 counts, and that one was “conspiracy.” No, really! As Big John (Ashcroft) used to paraphrase legal conventional wisdom: “you can convict a ham sandwich on conspiracy.”

We’re putting the best spin on it we can, but by most measures 1 our of 285 isn’t a very good batting average.  If this is the best we can do when we hand pick the prosecutors and the judge, maybe the civilian courts system isn’t the way to go with terrorists after all. If this is Eric’s idea of a “failure is not an option” outcome, I’d hate to see the “failure is a distinct option” result. Regardless, don’t look for GITMO to be throwing a “going out of business” sale anytime soon.

And our START button treaty with the Ruskies? Forget about it. R-word Jon Kyl doesn’t want to even consider it in the Senate’s lame duck session. So Big Guy called a meeting with our heavyweights to see how to get his “Disarm America First” initiative back on track: Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright and James Baker. Man, I never thought I’d see the day we’d have to ask Hank Kissinger to help us ram one up America’s butt.

start No word yet. They’re still  napping.

Then Democratic wonk James Carville goes on record with this complete inanity: "If Hillary gave him (Obama) one of her balls, they’d both have two," That’s very disrespectful of Big Guy’s Secretary, butt it is an excellent lesson in Government style addition and subtraction.

Butt that’s not the end of it: he goes on one of our own networks (CNN) in order to refuse to apologize:  "If I offended anybody, I am not sorry and I do not apologize," explaining that it was a joke. Need I mention that we do not joke about BO’s manliness around here?

Moving on to the tax cut front: more bad news. You would have expected disagreement from the Republicans – butt they refused to even show up at BO’s conference (another diss). Since only the Dems came you might have thought they could agree on a strategy for extending the tax cuts... butt you’d be wrong. Big Guy couldn’t even herd his own cats.

When he left for Lisbon last night, everyone around here was relieved. I sure hope he feels the love in Europe. Otherwise we’re going to have to up the meds again.

leavin for lisbon Off we go

Seriously, our Thanksgiving turkey isn’t going to have much to crow about this year, butt he will get a Presidential pardon. I HOPE!.