Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Lets Do it, Just for the Halibutt

I know Big Guy has mentioned God’s name before, mostly at his campaign stops at Black Churches, butt generally he’s been very diligent about observing the mandated separation of church and state.

Obama HaitiException to the Separation of Church and State rule 

He thinks it’s in the Constitution, and who am I to argue with him, since he’s a professor of Constitutional Law and I just have a micro-processor? So anyway, he seldom mentioned God’s name in our historic first two years, and never without likewise invoking Allah and Gaia too.

And I know we seldom go to church anymore, because it’s real disruptive and we don’t like to inconvenience the good people of Washington D.C. on Sunday morning the way we do when we go on Date Night.

s-OBAMA-DATE-NIGHT-largeFirst D.C. Date Night at Citronelle

So I - like you, probably - was surprised when Big Guy all of a sudden introduced God into his previously god-free rhetoric during his annual Thanksgiving Address. His name seldom came up, even during the 20 years that he spent in Reverend Wright’s pews, so it did seem curious.

Butt like all things in Washington, if you wait long enough, everything is transparent. As it turns out we just wanted to cement our creds as a card carrying member of the God-Squad so it wouldn’t look so, ahh, unusual, to all of a sudden be asking for religious backing of our No Fat Kids’ Behinds program.

See, we need Him on our side in Lady M’s War on Obesity in order to allocate more funds to our holy calling of eliminating  kids’ fat behinds in one generation. MO is taking the fight to the churches, synagogues and mosques of America: this has been raised to a moral imperative. And who better to carry our water on moral imperatives than the Faith Based Organizations that we generally ignore?

“You all play a vital role in so many aspects of people’s lives: offering counseling on family matters, providing comfort and guidance in times of crisis, being there for folks during some of the most important moments of their lives,” the first lady said. “All of you know how to empower people. That’s why you all have an important role to play on an issue you know is near and dear to my heart. You all know how serious a problem this is.

Butt as it turns out, there are lots of federal funds available to allocate to Faith Based Organizations willing to commit to our Fat Behinds program.

The faith and communities aspect will get support from the White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships as well as the Partnership Centers at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the U.S. Department of Agriculture, a White House aide said.

And as Joshua DuBois, executive director of the White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships told HuffPo:

…charities involved in "Let's Move" have helped develop goals for 2011, including walking a collective 3 million miles, developing 10,000 community gardens and
farmers markets and hosting 1,000 new summer feeding sites for needy children.

I sure hope they remembered to get a “Fat Kids’ Behinds” exception from the Food Safety Modernization Act, aka S.B. 510, which outlaws the sale or giving away of food not officially sanctioned by the FDA. Butt that’s a subject for another day.

So, we’re slowly butt surely working our way through the list of the special interests groups that put us here in the first place. The SEIU has been on board from the inception of the Fat Kids’ Behind program, as have all the Community Organizations. With the inclusion of the Peoples of God/Allah/Gaia this money grab  health initiative is pretty much a slam dunk.

And please, do me a favor: no more harping about Lady M not practicing what she preaches about nutritious eating.fela michelle_obama-split As it is she’s already ticked off. All the good work she’s doing to ensure that your kids eat right, and what’s the top Google hit for “Fat Kids’ Behinds?” That’s right: Sarah Palin: Americans have a “God given right” to be fat. 

That b***h. We hate her. And I hear she clubs halibutts to death too.

palin-clubbing-halibut The b***h. Did I already mention that?

I wonder where the HuffPos think their fish tacos come from?