Bully Day at the Big White Pulpit

Let’s see; Libya is in the middle of a civil war, gas prices are soaring, Wisconsin is on the verge of civil war, the budget crisis threatens to shut down the government. So what are we doing today?

“President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama took a firm stance against online bullying in a video posted Wednesday on Facebook.”

If it’s Thursday, it’s the Bullying Prevention Summit at the Big White!

 

Who’s Bullying Who?

That’s right. Another historical first. Nobody likes bullies, butt this is the first time it’s been raised to the status of a presidential summit. And the Wons are so down with the anti-cyber bullying squad. Cyber-bullying is just so over the top. And unnecessary. Big Guy, I know, prefers to do his bullying through surrogates,

and Lady M favors the instant feedback of face-to-face bullying.

The Big White bully quotient went down considerably when Toes left and he could no longer do Big Guy’s bidding at the schvitz.

Don’t worry though, we’ve still got “skin in the game,” as Big Guy likes to say. I mean, are you kidding? The Wons are from Chicago, you know: what part of “thuggery” do you think does not involve  bullying?

A long lineage of professionals

Just to maintain your proper respect, let me remind you of a few of our most successful surrogate bullying missions:

• The SEIU.

We’ve used this professional bullying society, as well as many of their affiliates (AFL-CIO, UAW, AFSME) for multiple assignments with universally extraordinary results. The jury’s still out on the Wisconsin action however. The NEA is bitchy and noisy, but they may need additional coaching in effective bullying techniques.

• Auto Taskforce:

We used this hand selected group of bullies to successfully screw the GM and Chrysler bondholders in the “expedited” bankruptcies. Special commendation for overriding all heretofore known laws regarding the rights of secured creditors.

• Obamacare:

Solid gold Oscars- of- Bullying awarded to both Nancy Pee and Harry Reedy. ‘Nuf said.

And Lady M is no slacker in the one-on-one bully department either. Just ask Walmart.

Co-operate, or I’ll lick your corporate a**

I’m not saying that BO doesn’t have the package for proper bullying, butt… ever since Big Guy got here the “bully pulpit” has been a whole lot less “bully” and a whole lot more “pulpit” – if you catch my drift.

  Big Guy auditions for a guest appearance on Glee

Don’t worry though, we’ve still got enough big guns in the arsenal that we won’t have to resort to cyber-bullying. Unless we have to.