Tuesday, March 8, 2011

WTF: Now Accepting Applications

Apparently there have been some contests going on around here that I was not advised of.

First, I guess people weren’t satisfied with the name Big Guy personally picked for our new Big White brewski. This fine product has been made possible through the hard work of our very own little worker bees –  no - not Obamacare. I’m talking about our honey ale:

honey_ale_SBSome argue that it should technically be called mead. Butt despite the ingredients and chemical composition of the brew, we had Congress deem it to be something else. Because it sounds more appealing and will be easier to sell this way. And no, I’m still not talking about Obamacare.

Anyway, I see they held a contest over at iOTW to give it a more manly name. Here are the finalists, and it looks like the winner was “Dolt 44,” although I personally favored “Clingers Bitter” – which has a little more panache, I think.


This isn’t the first time Big White has taken a run at brewing. Some of you may remember the popular suds we made here during the first Jimmy Carter term:

billy beer Déjà Vu all over again

And just to clear up a misreported fact: Big Guy is not actually brewing the honey ale himself, because “he's a bit too busy winning the future.” Also, he doesn’t know anything about brewing beer. Although I guess that wouldn’t really be a problem. We’re constantly doing things that we don’t know anything about. That’s just one of the things that makes Big Guy so extraordinary.

Butt wait, there’s more! There’s also a contest going on to see which lucky high school will win the honor of TOTUS’ Big Guy’s oratorical skills at their commencement ceremonies. We had to extend the deadline though, since we only had 14 contenders, down from over 1000 last year. And good news! This year, due to demand, we’ve opened applications to cosmetology schools, massage therapist programs, truck driving schools, GED programs and dog obedience schools. Butt don’t waste time, you only have ‘till Friday!

And speaking of schools, we were summoned to Sasha’s school yesterday to discuss her advancement to the Children of Really Gifted Parents program that’s starting up at the beginning of the next school year. It was just a formality, of course.

article-0-0D81EDF7000005DC-693_468x414 A gift that keeps on giving: extraordinary parental units

PS: in case you haven’t seen WTF Episode 4: Living Within Our Means yet, here it is.