Sunday, March 13, 2011

Cap’n Crunch Granted Reprieve: Barry Keeps His Berries UPDATED: with Video

Gawd, what a weekend!

A sixth nuclear reactor has failed at the Fukushima generation facility, several are now on the verge of a non-metaphorical nuclear meltdown, the new president of the world (Sarkozy) has decided to impose a no-fly zone over Libya, in an attempt to isolate and contain their resident madman. etc, etc..

Butt now this!? They’re making Captain Crunch walk the plank?!

This is - bar none - Big Guy’s all time favorite snack for when he gets the munchies. He has them at least once a day; with and without the “berries.”

 Hey, keep your mitts off my berries!

He was so shaken over this disturbing news that he needed to blow off a little steam (metaphorically) so he and the guys went out to play a round of golf before suiting up for his white tie soiree at the Gridiron Club last night. Or as he one-lined to the Club’s members after dinner “I’m not spending time on the golf course. I’m investing time in the golf course.” (rim shot)

Butt back to the matter at hand: it could get ugly around here when Big Guy finds out that the Cap’n Crunch fiasco was all Lady M’s doing. It seems that when she told all the food companies that they were going to be held to her new, unofficial, fat/salt/sugar quotas, some of them took it seriously:

PepsiCo. and other food companies are under pressure from the White House -- especially from First Lady Michelle Obama -- to make their products healthier. Activists have long been irate over the marketing of sweetened cereals such as Cap'n Crunch to children. Last year, PepsiCo vowed to reduce added sugar per serving by 25% and saturated fat by 15% in its products over the next 10 years. This pressure may explain why the Cap'n is less visible than he was in years past.

We should have seen this one coming and started to hoard Cap’n Crunch. The food companies are just pulling a Big Three move, in reverse. In order to meet their new CAFE standards for MPG, instead of deep sixing the gas guzzlers that everyone loved, they just added little tin boxes to their line up that everyone hated, butt got great gas mileage.

 voltw Big Guy takes a spin around the factory floor in a Chevy Volt last September before plugging in for a recharge

By late yesterday though, we received much better news on the critical situation: Cap’n Crunch may have been given a reprieve. There will be celebrating in the Big White tonight.

So, a quick weekend recap: earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear meltdowns, volcanic eruption, Libyan civil war, ongoing unrest in Yemen, clemency granted to Cap’n Crunch, Big Guy invests in a round of golf and parties with elite members of the Washington press corps. On balance, not so bad.

I know people continue to say this looks like that whole Nero fiddling thing. Butt I’m telling you: we’ve moved beyond that analogy. It’s beginning to resemble a more delusional phase of puppet mastery. You know, where the puppet actually believes he’s pulling his own strings?

george_soros_puppet_master_xlarge Strings or no strings, I’m still in charge here, little man.

Things could start getting pretty interesting around here.


UPDATE: David’s letter to Lady M

h/t Granny Jan