Friday, July 1, 2011

Picking the Right Bag Lady to Find TWF. WTF?

Welcome American Thinker Readers!

**Dispatched by the mob boss, President “Dick” Obama, the bag lady showed up in Boston yesterday afternoon to pick up the  receipts for the second quarter. The marks willingly assembled at a tony Chestnut Hill mansion for lunch (which included crabs and a collection of tarts ) before handing over an estimated $600k.**

A Little Traveling Music Courtesy of Dewey from Detroit

Hee hee. Don’t worry, it’s just Lady M, having a little fun in the middle of her relentless round of sacrificing for the country by indulging in her latest passion: playing Mafia Wars! The game is known to be very addictive.


An inveterate multi-tasker, Lady M listens to Common on iPHotus while playing Mafia Wars on her BlackBarry – all while on her way to pick up the gaming receipts.  You’ve come a long way, baby!

We had three fundraisers yesterday, one in Boston and two in Vermont, and – as the Mrs. O site so elegantly put it:

While there, Mrs. O also managed to squeeze in a trip to the Vermont Army National Guard’s Aviation Support Facility to speak with military families. Quite a day!

And squeeze it in she did! I’m talking about the military family visit. It was such a quick stop over that we didn’t even get any official pictures! Where is the damn iPHotus when we need her?

Butt clearly, the main reason for the trip was to pick up the big bag of money in Boston. It was such an important stop that, instead of just wingin’ it like she usually does, Lady M brought TOTUS-TOO along with us.

You know how those Bostonians are about using proper grammar and sentence structure. Not that Lady M needs prepared remarks in order to use proper grammar and sentence structure; I’m just saying that there was no sense taking a chance on offending. We’re going to have to come back several more times if we  want a shot at raising that billion dollars that our campaign manager says we’re going to need to WTF this time around.


So we donned a tasteful black fleck-on-white frock custom designed by Jason Wu, and “used a TelePrompTer, despite the relatively small and friendly audience.

You cannot imagine what our entourage on Air Force Won-Too looks like these days: BlackBarry, iPHotus, TOTUS-TOO. Honestly, the electronics-only section is starting to look like a 4th of July sale at Best Buy.

Here’s just a small sample of what Lady M read to the Bostonians:

“I see the worry creasing his face. I hear the passion and determination in his voice. ‘You won’t believe what these folks are going through,’ he told me that last night. ‘Michelle, it is not right. We’ve got to fix this. We have to do more,’ ” she said.

“Barack always reminds me that we are playing a long game,” she added, referring to the president’s call for patience from all Americans as the country slowly emerges from a recession. “He reminds me, as I said to you, too, that change is slow. He reminds me that change doesn’t happen all at once, but that if we keep showing up, if we keep fighting the good fight, doing what we know is right, then eventually we will get there. Because the truth is, we always have in this country. We always have.”

As good as she is, even Lady M can’t say carefully crafted things like that without help from TOTUS-TOO.

Butt the take for the day was worth all the effort, reportedly $600,000! Which is very important, because we’re now posting (PUBLICALLY!) how our fund raising goal of $1billion is doing. We sure didn’t want the first quarter’s results to look,eh, unenthusiastic. That’s why we raffled off the dinner with Big Guy too.

BTW, I hope you all remembered to make your donation by midnight last night in order to qualify! It’s not like we didn’t send out a dozen reminders (harsh language warning).


Just last night, campaign commissar Jim Messina sent out an urgent email telling the loyal followers to get their money in before the deadline approached.

“Anyone worth their salt in politics knows tonight is one of the most important tests we'll face as a campaign this year," Messina wrote. "Let's hit it out of the park."

You’ll be pleased to know that the Obots responded: hitting the desired level of 450,000 donors slightly before midnight.

If you have no other life, and wish to follow the real time fund raising results over the 4th of July weekend, just sign up for Big Guy’s twitter feed. Some huckleberry will be tweeting crap out every few minutes all weekend long. Otherwise, you could watch paint dry. Better yet, why don’t you just enjoy a picnic with family and friends and reflect on the great republic that was founded over 230 years ago. Just don’t go to any 4th of July parades, lest it turn your kids into little R-words.

I don’t want you to think that Big Guy has been slacking on his responsibility to raise money for the campaign just because he’s been so busy in Washington “doin’ Afghanistan and bin Laden and the Greek crisis” (butt not the debt crisis) let me assure you that’s not the case. He was busy doin’ his part too, that’s why he couldn’t meet with Mitchie and the R-words yesterday to discuss the budget and debt ceiling. President “the Dick” Obama was in Pennsylvania in order to personally pick up the receipts from the Philly family.

347767300-30170034 Chill, dude.

There were sporadic outbursts from rival gangs while he was in town:

protest in philly

Butt they were effectively silenced and the scheduled pickup proceeded as planned.

As they left town, President “Dick” Obama was seen studying up for the next hit:


“I just love this new technology thing you can do with your thumbs”

H/T Barbara Curtis

Linked By: Clarice Feldman on American Thinker and  Chickaboomer, Thanks!