Saturday, July 2, 2011

Feelin’ Pretty Damned Unappreciated

Let me start by saying I’m sorry this is posting so late, butt when you see what I’ve been dealin’ with this morning, I think you’ll understand.

Since it’s considered a holiday around here, I was just relaxing with my morning mug of Sumatra extra dark roast (Oink!) while checking out our worship sites on the intertubes.  And blam! There it was: the 2011 Report to Congress on White House Staff. My initial reaction was “why didn’t I receive a copy of this,” followed by “where in-the- h-e-double-hockey-sticks am I”?!?

Go ahead, take a look for yourself - I’m not there. And neither is Sam Kass; the busiest (and only-est) man in “food policy” and the leading spokesman for Lady M’s “Let’s MOve” campaign.

flotus kass

In addition to his “Let’s MOve” responsibilities Sammy, as you may recall, is a man of many jobs including coordinating the efforts of our organic honey producers:

Butt back to my original point, Sammy and I don’t show up as paid members of the Big White staff. Unbelievable. Go ahead, check it out for yourself.


The other  454 White House staffers - including all your favorite thugs goons public servants: ValJar, Pluffy, Favy, Daley, Tiny Tina, Mr. Claire Shipman. Everyone! Except Sammy and MOTUS.
Well, you can imagine how that fried my circuits. Then I saw how much 21 of those those schmucks valuable team members are paid: $172 thousand flipping US dollars! AND another  hundred-and-freaking-20 MORE make over $100,000! No wonder there was no money in the budget for that 6-outlet power strip I requisitioned last month.
After I got my reflections down off the ceiling, I immediately called Bill (Daley) who explained that Sammy is not included in the report to Congress because he’s not “White House staff.” He’s “Residence staff.” Pardron-ey moi!? Yeah, he’s “residence staff” because he’s not  considered“political” - Bwaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Sammy joined us at Big White in 2009 following 2 years of service as Big Guy’s “private chef” back in the Windy City when the Wons lived next door to Tony Rezco who is currently enjoying an all expense paid sabbatical in a federal facility. Butt the important point here is that as a “Residence staffer” we don’t have to report to Congress on his activities, pay or anything else. He’s a Big White ghost!
As for Moi, I’m not classified “White House staff” either. I guess I’ve been classified as a “Cabinet Level Administration Appointee” ever since Rhambo gave me my own seal, instead of a raise. To be honest, I didn’t realize the ramifications at the time, butt apparently I am considered “political” now butt not on the list because Rhambo arranged for a Senate approval of my new political position. I guess it’s not that hard. To get approval for a new cabinet level position that is.
Anyway, pre-seal, I never used to be political, I used to be just another “detailee” like # 8, Sarah Apsel who makes $108 717 (!)and  #23,  Brandon M. Belford, who makes $119,238!!!!  Now that I have a title and a seal, I don’t make even a fraction of that! I’m moonlighting at the makeup counter at Macy’s just to pay my health insurance for cripes sake (which I need to cover myself now that NASA has been defunded and relegated to focusing on Muslim Science Appreciation training. I think I feel myself getting more political every day.
So, I’m sorry I had to vent on you here, butt I am glad to get that off my screen. Doctors say you shouldn’t keep things like that bottled up inside. It’s not good for your system. I think I’ll mention it to Lady M later this afternoon, after she’s had her “tea.”
And speaking of  Lady M, there’s nothing new since we went to Vermont to show our support for military families and raise some dough: both intended to help us WTF. Now we’re at Camp David for the 4th of July in order to try to convince the American people that we’re just ordinary patriotic Big White residents.
Just a quick note on the military family gig: Lady M and TOTUS-Too put on the now standard show of caring, support and call to action at the Vermont Army National Guard’s Aviation Support Facility in South Burlington. “After meeting so many troops and veterans, after meeting so many spouses and children and parents, I can say with complete authority that you all are absolutely incredible,” Lady M told the audience.

I think they’re buying it, aren’t they?

Screenshot Studio capture #106

Well, the ones who are still awake any way.

We didn’t have too much time to “hang wid da troops” because we need to raise a billion dollars before our economic policies kick into high gear, so we went to our third fundraiser of the day at a really cool aquarium. Even though it cost $5,000 per plate (and nobody bought a second plate), everybody seemed to have a good time. Well, except some of the paparazzi, like Molly Walsh,  who were disappointed that they didn’t get direct access to Lady M and were kept at bay by “handlers.” Molls for example, got stuck behind the spiny-soft-shell turtle tank. I thought it was a great spot, butt you can’t make everybody happy.



The chow was pretty good too, although it’s a good thing Food Policy Czar Sammy wasn’t policing the joint:
Roasted tomato and Maytag Blue cheese on crispy polenta rounds
Griddle scallops with sweet chili sauce and crème fraiche croute
Orange scented goat cheese, house pickled beets and Digger's Mirth (!) arugula on a crostini
BLT salad in toast cups.

Carnivore option: seared beef tenderloin with roasted shrimp and shaved radishes with herbed bulgur salad and arugula béarnaise sauce;

Or the yummy vegetarian option, falafel pancake topped with roasted vegetable Napoleon and fresh tomato-basil salsa.

All accompanied by rolls from the O'Bread (this was special!) bakery at Shelburne Farms and Vermont Butter and Cheese company cultured butter.

And for dessert, lime coconut macaroon bars, strawberry lemon bars and chocolate chip cookies.

It’s a good thing the food was good, because TOTUS-TOO confirmed that it wasn’t just me: Lady M did give the exact same speech at all 3 of the DNC organized  fundraisers. Butt it was good value  for the  Burlington Aquarian crowd, because  I think the Bostonians paid a whole lot more than $5000 a plate to hear the same speech. Although they did get to hear it first. So that’s special.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal