Rice, Beans and Candy: Thank You Dear Leader!

They say a picture is worth a 1000 words. Butt if you’re Matt Drudge, you can add 5 words to that picture and you get the whole movie:

 

If you insist on torturing yourself with the mechanics, it’s all contained in this report. Butt here’s the Reader’s Digest version: Big Guy took over the student loan program from the greedy banks in 2009. That gave him powers to act as, well, the Candy Man (So he could allow even more stew-dents to borrow themselves into oblivion without oversight. It’s a business model based on the very profitable drug industry).

As Father Sarducci might say, he’s-ah just gonna waive-ah your debts! YES HE CAN!

So with the stroke of his magic pen (because “we can’t wait for Congress!”) our Candy Man intends to sign an executive order that makes it much easier on the 99% OWIES to get on with their meaningful lives of writing foodie reviews and fashion critiques.

Big Guy’s plan will drop the monthly amount that has to be paid back for those stew-dents who majored in origami and eco-tourism instead of accounting, finance, engineering or computer science, and therefore can’t get jobs. Since they can’t afford the monthly payments accrued by the crippling debt they took on before they realized they were actually agreeing to pay the money back (!), they only have to pay a little bit of their little incomes.

Take 60% and make education free: OK,I’ll take that deal, butt only if math will no longer be an elective.

Plus, after 20 years if you still haven’t managed to translate that useless degree into a decent job, your debt will be “forgiven.” Of course if Liam or Skye ends up only having paid off $25,000 of his/her $150,000 loan after 20 years because he/she opted for the psychic rewards of being a street juggler rather than a “cube monkey working for the man” someone still has to pay back the other $125,000. Oh, you didn’t know that? Yes, boys and girls, even though you’ve been “forgiven,” the money you borrowed and spent is still, like, real money, and needs to come out of someone’s hide.

So, we’re down to this: just exactly who will that someone be? Ding! Ding! Ding! Go to the head of the class if you answered: The American Taxpayer! You know, that dying breed of suckers. The 53% of the 99% + 1% who still actually pay taxes? (If you could follow the math in all of the above illustrations, feel free to thank your teachers, butt also give yourself a pat on the back for not spending your $125,000 on a major in gender studies.)

So I totally get why Big Guy wants to give the students free drugs candy. It must be tempting to create yet another faithful constituency forever grateful for the benevolence of the government-education complex.  Along with the underwater homeowners he’s going to bailout, the auto unions he has bailed out, and the unions who he’s funded with last years “stimulus” - that’s beginning to smell like “Victory!” And I sure get why the students will love the Obama Student Loan Bailout plan: Who wouldn’t want to party for 7 years in the prime of their youth on the government’s dime? Way to go Big Guy! We LOVE you, man!

I feel your twinkles!

Meanwhile: Did you know that it’s still possible to get a FREE education? Yes, and in only 5 weeks! Where? Down in Zoo- cotti Park.

It seems that the OWIES have been fed up till now by a team of volunteer cooks who as recently as last week were fixing up repasts such as this:

Well apparently the chefs themselves are in protest mode. Yep, Gateway Pundit calls an irony alert on the revolt that has resulted in rations being cut back to simple brown rice and beans. Heck, you can’t even get away with that in prison! And wait until the CAIR protestors get wind of the fact they’re not even halal.

Anyway, here’s the education that the chefs got for free: if you give stuff away, there will be freeloaders: more and more each day. That’s why collectivism breaks down, and with this group apparently quite quickly. So, if the mostly unemployed chefs take advantage of their free education, they’ll all go back and open restaurants of their own where they can charge for their food. Now that they’ve learned they can’t just give the food away for free, they’ve discovered how capitalism works! Because if you give stuff away, all you’ll get are a bunch of  free loaders and you’ll never be able to pay your bills. Wow, that’s awesome insight just for the taking.

So let’s summarize:

The Obama Student Loan Bailout plan: go to school on someone else’s dime (or more accurately, $150,000 or so) for 7 years so you can get approximately 2.5 degrees in Elizabethan English literature and drama. During that 7 year (or thereabouts) period you manage to avoid most, if not all, gainful employment while learning…well, that’s the tricky part to nail down. It’s a little hazy, butt at least you’ve read seen all some of Shakespeare’s plays. And maybe in 20 years, when you’ve had some real life experience, you might even understand them.

Meanwhile, Joe the Plumber - who went to trade school, got a job immediately afterwards and has been busting his ass arse ever since – is contributing his hard earned tax dollars to pay off your stew-dent loan which you used to follow your bliss for 7 years. And since Joe the Plumber isn’t burdened with a $150,000 loan that he never borrowed because he never went to college, he will be expected to pay a little bit more to cover the loss on your college loan that Big Guy has forgiven. That in itself is quite an education.

Well, I don’t know about you, butt I’ve learned something! No wonder Big Guy is going to forgive most of your debt. In exchange, he gets your undying gratitude and a lifetime of votes for the Democratic ticket.

   Why, our Candy Man is just like FDR!

Linked By: Clarice’s Pieces on American Thinker, and Ginger on GATEWAY PUNDIT, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Touched With Fire, Thanks!