Friday, December 23, 2011

Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus.

Today’s riddle: "Has this place become so dysfunctional that even when we agree to things, we can't do it?" **


Looks like the political theatrics have finally played out on the payroll tax cut (and the unemployment extensions and Medicare cuts). And I’m not talking about Big Guy here – although he was great in his role too.


It’s sometimes difficult to discern whether a play is a tragedy, comedy, melodrama or farce. In that event, take your cues from the actors’ faces

I’m talking about Speaker John’s manufactured drama, designed to school his Animal House Tea Party freshman on how things really work around Washington. He let them muss up his tidy house and make as much noise as they wanted to, just to teach them a lesson on how things really get done around here.

I hope they were paying attention. Because this is a competition, not an exhibition: the stakes are high, the Speaker holds all the wild cards and the House is stacked against you. Wagering done at your own peril.

Here’s the real news coming out of this “story” though – yesterday’s “$40 per paycheck” increase for everyman if the House didn’t pass the extension of the payroll tax reduction...

Screenshot Studio capture #354

turned into just “a tax increase of $20 a week” today. Wow! I knew inflation was heating up - even though they’ve been trying to hide it from me by charging the same butt making all my paper towels a half inch shorter. Butt $40 going to $20? That’s like, what, 100% decrease in value overnight? What is this, Argentina?

Anyway, the good news: with this logjam in Congress apparently breaking up, Big Guy will be cleared for take off in time to join the family in Kailuana in time to celebrate an unspecified Winter Holiday on or about Sunday.

And you can disregard that bogus report about Big Guy not wanting to spend his holidays in his alleged birth state:

Michelle Obama insisted on a pricey holiday to Hawaii when her husband would have rather gone to a presidential retreat, according to reports.

She allegedly wanted the taxpayer-funded $4million trip when Barack Obama sought instead to make the short trip to Camp David in Maryland.

I think you know how notoriously inaccurate the National Enquirer is. So when they report:

‘Barack read his wife the riot act, but his words fell on deaf ears. Michelle said there was “no way” she was going to disappoint her daughters.

you can just tell it’s a fabrication. Except that part about his words falling on deaf ears. That’s pretty much the case whether Big Guy’s talking to Lady M, world leaders or even Little Bo.

bo and sniffy“Hey! I said no sniffing! Where’s his damn handler, anyway?”

The only people who really listen to him any more are our friendly lapdogs in the MSM. And speaking of which: don’t miss Barbara Walters full interview with Lady M and Big Guy tonight!

Screenshot Studio capture #350

I know you’re all going to be busy baking cookies and wrapping presents, butt this is must-see TeeVee. Here’s just a little teaser:

What's the trait you most deplore in yourself, and the trait you most deplore in others?

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Laziness. Nothing frustrates me more than when people aren't doing their jobs. The thing actually that I most dislike is cruelty. I can't stand cruel people. And if I see people doing something mean to somebody else, just to make themselves feel important it really gets me mad. But, with myself, since I tend not to be a mean person, you know, if I get lazy, then I get mad at myself.

“Laziness”“Nothing frustrates me more than when people aren't doing their jobs.”? “The thing actually that I most dislike is cruelty.”  I admit it, I’m confused. Somewhere in there I think there’s a complete non sequitur. Or a Freudian unveiling. Either way, we’re going to have to knock off the pre-interview Jack and Xanax cocktails.

What three words would you each use to describe the other?

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Beautiful, smart and funny.

michelle-obama_nichYou do realize we’re talking about Lady M, right?

MICHELLE OBAMA: Smart, sportsman, and father.

“Sportsman” !? Where did that come from, I wonder?


Oh! That kind of sportsman. Not this kind:

palin hunterSarah’s idea of being a “bag man”

What is your biggest peeve about each other?

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Oh, I don't have one.

MICHELLE OBAMA: My list is too long.

Don’t read to much into the apparent disparity in Big Guy’s and Lady M’s answers. Remember, he’s a politician, so parsing his answer it could mean “I don’t have any ‘biggest’ peeve, they’re all about equal;” which would make his answer quite similar to MO’s. And besides, we’ve already heard Big Guy’s explanation for this apparent little white lie:

On what occasion do you lie? [ed.disregard the fact that this is a variation on the “when did you stop beating your wife” setup]

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Usually, the only time I lie is very personal interactions with family members, who you say, "You look great," and they don't. "Wonderful dress..." Uh, not so much.

mo butt medvedev“…and no, it doesn’t make your butt look big either.”

I don’t know about you, butt I can’t think of a better way to spent the night before Christmas Eve. 10:00 pm EST. ABC. Don’t miss it.

** Answer: Yes Virginia. There is a Santa Claus.