Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Bitch Stole My Look!®

So, another Golden Globe Awards show is in the can. I haven’t seen any of the movies or most of the TV shows (accept Homeland and Boss) that won, butt I’ve now reviewed all of the fashions. All I can say is if the screen offerings aren’t any more original than the frocks – and since the Best Movie award went to a throwback black and white silent film, The Artist,  I’m guessing they’re not - save your money.

The starlets all borrowed from the Lady M Look Book. To borrow Madonna’s phrase, their gowns were a bit reductive. That’s just the way it is when you’re a fashion icon.

Judge for yourself. I think they’re all rip-off artists.  

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    Kathleen Robertson: hello! Been there, done that.

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Viola Davis: trying to outdo us by flashing some leg. We save that look for daytime.

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Jessica Alba, have you no shame?  

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           Kate Beckinsale: This is just outrageous, right down to the jewelry.

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Laura Linney: the pale one in royal blue

 

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            Stacy Keibler (aka “George Clooney’s Amazon date”) sports Lady M’s signature tomato tart red: and famous toned arms. 

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            Sofia Vegara – who won an award for “Modern Family” and gave her acceptance speech in Spanish. American Modern.      

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I don’t really know who this is, butt she had something to do with “The Artist.” Aren’t artists usually a little more creative?

Then of course there’s this: the dress selected – according to Sarah Michelle Gellar- by her 2 year old daughter. I’m afraid this choice proves she carries the DNA of her father, the late “Dark Knight” Heath Leger. (UPDATE: wrong baby daddy. Apologies to the little tyke who picked out Mom’s dress. HL is the BD of Michelle Williams 2 year old. Can we declare a moratorium on Michelle’s for awhile? Thanks for the catch Anonymouse.) Neo-Neocon thought the dress looked like Miss Scarlet was missing a few tie dyed sheets: butt if you look closely, you’ll see that Lady M was way ahead of the curve on this fashion trend too.

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Sarah Michelle Gellar: butt let’s not kid ourselves, Lady M practically invented the ink splotch motif:

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…only she chose classic black India ink.

Other trend stealers spotted on the runway: the weirdly androgynous Tilda Swinton soooo stole this look from Lady M:

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not the androgyny, the hair:

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Here’s a concept that looks equally good in black or white

Although an argument could be made that she actually stole the look from the Donald:

trump the donald's hair

Also, I don’t want to overlook the honorees in some of the less glamorous categories that don’t command as much coverage. Here, for example, are the two finalists in the Premature-Aging category: Kelley Osborne, 27 and Lindsay Lohan, 25. Both would make good poster children for the War Against Drugs.

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And the award for Best Preventative-aging: formaldehyde-preservation division (see here for proof) went, hands down, to Madonna: still lean, mean, material and self-absorbed. Aside from the lean part, she reminds me a lot of someone else around here.

Madonna's dark green Reem Acra chain mail and taffeta

I won’t repeat what Joan Rivers said about her frock, butt it involved an unnatural act between a disco ball and a bedspread. Madge’s dress is by Reem Acra, constructed out of chain maille and bottle green taffeta: again, two looks that Lady M has previously rocked, albeit not at the same time.

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Two looks from back in ‘08, when we used to keep our mouth shut occasionally.

And then there’s the perennial worst dressed award.  It was awarded again, as it is perennially, to Meryl Streep who was stunned, as she is, perennially, that she won another Golden Globe. Then there was the Streep bleep: she said some naughty words when she realized she didn’t have her glasses and couldn’t read her speech. Wouldn’t you think an actress could memorize her speech? I mean, isn’t that what they pretty much do for a living?

Winning the category of BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA for her role in “Iron Lady,” actress Meryl Streep poses backstage in the press room with her Golden Globe Award at the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, CA on Sunday, January 15, 2012.Meryl takes the Golden Globe for her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady, wearing vintage Dale Evans

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Meryl’s cowboy-inspired frock and Annie Oakley ponytail, combined with the skirt-bustle  appeared to be some kind of homage to a previous Americana fin de si├Ęcle. I don’t recall Lady M sporting this exact look butt I think she would like it. Margaret Thatcher on the other hand wouldn’t be caught dead in it.

And finally: the night’s Best Dressed award goes to Angelina Jolie, who you may recall visited the Big White just last week:

angelinaThat’s Val-Jar she’s swapping campaign notes and fashion tips with

And here she is at the Golden Globes, looking well, FABULOUS!

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Holly crap! Do you have any idea how hard it is to look that good in unforgiving white silk charmeuse? A perfect 10 except for the bar code tats and knobby knees.

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“Know your Rights”? Right #1: You have the right to act stupidly.

Which explains a lot, if you think about it. So that’s it from Hollywood reporter for another year. Or at least until Sundance.

aaaaawax_thumb[10]Kiss-kiss!

P.S.  I don’t want you to think I’m shirking my duties in order to dabble in the faux arts of Hollywood, I know Big Guy and Lady M spent all yesterday sacrificin’ in honor of Martin Luther King day, which has obviously been promoted from just a National Holiday to another National Day of Service. At the rate we’re going, soon Christmas will be a National Day of Service too.

YOUR PUNISHMENT

Servicing the American people, one paint-by-number Dream and Scheme at a time. 

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