Fund Raisers ‘R Us

Okay, you can thank me right now for hooking up and listening to Lady M’s phone-a-view fund raiser with the Women of Virginia who Obama on your behalf. Because for some reason it hasn’t been posted on the Big White website yet.

Although we do have pictures there of Lady M and Jilly at their latest We the Military event:

This lovely frock hasn’t been seen since February '10 when we were handing out Human Rights Awards. As you can see, we were having makeup issues that day:

Big Guy’s that is, not Lady M’s. That p‘shopper was dismissed immediately and hasn’t found work in this town since.

And the Big White Website is also featuring video of Lady M surprising visitors (pleasantly, by most accounts) to the Big White:

And I even managed to snag a grainy shot of the Wons’ Valentine’s Day dinner at Vermillion for you:

“What really struck me is that they looked like a very happy normal couple who were in love with one another," said Todd Stone, who snapped this crappy photo. Apparently Todd’s eyesight is not that good.

Butt anyway, no pictures of Lady M on the nap couch while handling the Virginia Phone-a-View, so I’ll have to file my report using all file photos:

          

The call was supposed to last an hour, butt Lady M had to cut it short after 30 minutes because she “had, ah, hungry children.” (the wee Wons are always hungry, so I don’t think that was it, butt somebody was hungry). You can probably tell by the babbling and all the dropped g’s that Lady M’s blood sugar was dangerously low. Additionally, it sounded like she caught a touch of Big Guy’s non-fluencies. I told her to stock up on Tamiflu – butt does anyone around here ever listen to me? Noooo.

For the record, in case anyone besides me was wondering, I counted 666 “ahs”and “uhms” during the 30 minute conference call. That’s a sure signal of dangerously low blood sugar.

Lady M opened the call with an 18 minute uninterrupted monologue (that’s where most of the babbling took place). Here’s my 30 second synopsis, paraphrased slightly:

All you schtrong women who love your babies (and Buh-rock) are really important to Buh-rock and me. We’re doing all this for you and your babies and your families because Buh-rock is the only one who can save the world and make it into the dystopian utopian paradise you all dream about for your children.

And remember: Buh-rock passed the Lilly Ledbetter bill so you all can make your fair share; and he passed ObamaCare so the evil R-words can no longer deny women coverage and adequate medical care – and deny coverage for your babies. And hey! - let’s give it up for those two brilliant women that Buh-rock appointed to the Supremes! To make sure we interpret the Constitution with empathy from now on, ladies!

Then she took 3 1/2 questions (also paraphrased slightly):

1. “How can we help, Lady M?” (badger your friends and family and register all the dead people you know, and volunteer to drive the homeless derelicts to the polling places…twice, if necessary)
2. “What is Buh-rock going to do to achieve economic fairness?”(Haven’t you been paying attention? Tax the 1%  more and redistribute it. Fairly.)
3. “How can we thank you for all of the support you give our military families?”  (You’re welcome, and thanks for bringing that up. Military families are the best, I can’t believe the schtrength they have – where does it come from? And you’re all so schtrong too: butt military families - they don’t complain. They don’t want a handout, they just want to know we’ve got their back. And that’s why we - Buh-rock and I – need you to get out there, get us reelected and help us occupy the White House for 4 more years! So we can continue to have their backs.

And then, it was over - well, almost: Lady M went off to feed the hungry Wee Wons. At least it’s a better excuse than the one Big Guy came up with when he blew off the $7500/head dinner guests at that Rhode Island payday awhile back: his excuse was he had to get home to “scoop the poop.” That didn’t quite pass the smell test with any of the people expecting to dine with the Won in the well appointed home of minor RI royalty.

And at least Lady M’s conference call was, theoretically, “free” - although I’ve already had 2 follow-up calls on my G-mail phone number begging for a really big donation to WTF.

Butt you’re probably wondering  “what about the other 1/2 question, MOTUS?” Well, that would be the question that was asked, butt not answered. Luckily, Raj was able to capture it before it was lost forever in the Ethernet. Here’s how it starts:

Lady M: “I think I’ve got time for one more question – I’ve got ah, hungry children…” (trust me people, you really don’t want to miss this!) 3.5:

Unfortunately, due to technical difficulties of an unidentified nature, I didn’t get the answer, so I still don’t know what to pack. BTW, I think Little Mo was right in making me use Raj’s voice modulation transmogrifier to disguise my voice, because Axeman and Plouffe-Daddy were yelling and screaming “who was that interloping b-word,” and “that question wasn’t cleared!” They seem to be zeroing in on Granny R as the “interloping b-word,” and there’s nothing they can do to her anyway.

Anyway, h/t again to Barbara at Mommy Life for giving me a heads up on this. Since Lady M had no intention of being on camera during the call, she didn’t even bother to notify me.

Butt this isn’t fair: I’ve been spending too much time on Lady M while Big Guy has been out and about doing his fair share to WTF too.

He started with a live performance at the Master Lock factory in Wisconsin:

Big Guy does the chorus from “Unchained Melody” for the guys down at the plant

Master Lock manufactures padlocks:

Big Guy picked one up to use on his private stash – which seems to be disappearing much quicker than usual lately. He also talked to the CEO, to see if he had any tips on how to crack the combination for the ones installed on the Treasury’s printing presses - just in case the Republicans ever get serious about cutting the deficit.

And then it was on to California to pick up the weekly receipt. Here he is landing in San Francisco where he was greeted by former disgraced mayor and now California Lt. Governor Gavin “Any Twosome” Newsome and another groupie:

 “Mmm, mmm, mmm! If I wasn’t married…”

He was not, and apparently will not be joined or gifted by San Francisco philanthropist Susie Tompkins Buell.

Susie is normally one of the Democratic Party's most generous and reliable money-bags lapdogs benefactors, butt not any more: "I would just love to write my big check ... or have a high-dollar dinner here" on his behalf, she said. "I can't." Apparently stopping the Keystone XL pipeline and funding dozens of bankrupt green energy companies wasn’t sufficient to convince Ms. Buell of Big Guy’s commitment to the global warming. Looks like now we’re going to have to stop all oil production in the lower 48 in order to meet our target fundraising goal.

All this makes Big Guy’s 3 day West Coast bag tour even more crucial. The campaign coffers need serious replenishing if we’re going to have a fair shot at WTF. So won’t you please give your fair share today?

The bag man leaves with the goods: you’re welcome.