Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Rhode Island Runner

Ok, so Rhode Island is all wee weed up over Big Guy skipping dinner to come home to perform his fatherly ‘dooty’. Where was the outrage when that ungrateful, racist whiner Frank Caprio, who is soon to officially be “Loser” Frank Caprio,  told Big Guy to “shove it”?

I think you see the blatant, NPR-ish double standard here.

Let’s start at the beginning. Arnold “Buff” & Johnnie Chace (don’t you get all wee weed up too: Johnnie is a girl) threw a fundraiser for our Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee in their “well-appointed home” in Providence, Rhode Island. The price tag, $7500 per head.

For your money you got to linger in Buff & Johnnie’s “well-appointed home,” meet and press the flesh with the dead Dems walking, make eye contact with our first, second historic black President and have a sumptuous meal prepared with love by Rhode Island’s most famous celebrity chefs. I don’t know how famous their celebrity chefs are outside of Rhode Island, though. Our chefs are pretending they don’t even know them. None of them are on the Cooking Channel, let alone Food TV and Guy Fieri has never rolled out to any of their dives.

dnews diners guy fieri

Butt they whipped up a sumptuous spread of fine locavoric eats:

Chase rhode island dinner obama

I know the souvenir menu is hard to read, I spilled some of “Georges Special Sauce” on it, so I’ll reproduce it below:

The Presidential Menu

Lobster Risotto
Grilled Dirty Steak
with George’s Special Sauce
Al Forno Mashed Potatoes
Slivered Green Beans
Apple Crisp Tart


No waffles, no wings and no wieners...on the menu. I think you see the problem.

bo eats copy

Butt the chefs, farmers and other locavores shined a light of abundance on the local harvest:

  • hors d’oeuvres by Plantation Catering of Newport; owner Carol Smith helped Chace coordinate the event and served local clams casino, mini lobster club sandwiches, wild rice pancakes with cranberry chutney and vegetable quesadillas.

  • Stock for the Risotto was made with chickens (Rhode Island Reds, in honor of Big Guy) from Lily Rose Farm
  • The grass-fed beef came from Aquidneck Farms, which is located on conservation land overlooking the Sakonnet River in Portsmouth
  • Andrade’s Catch of Bristol brought the lobster

  • The herbs, onions, carrots and leeks on the menu came from Southside Community Land Trust, a network of urban gardens in Providence

  • Green beans came from Confreda Farms of Cranston

  • Spuds from Maplewood Farms of Portsmouth

  • The dessert table featured the apple tart from chef Andrew Shotts' Garrison Confections of Central Falls. The apples in the tart came from the historic Dame Farm & Orchards in Johnston and was paired with Sakonnet Vineyard’s Winterwine 2008.

  • Narragansett Creamery, the first artisan cheesesheads in Providence, provided a “cheese display table”. I don’t know if the cheeses were real or stunt cheeses, butt they clearly were for display only.

Historic, pumpkin carvings were supplied by Passion for Pumpkins, an Oxford, Massachusetts-based group. They also provided carvings depicting Big White, and a pineapple, as a nod to Big Guy’s alleged birth state.





So, let’s just cut to the chace, Big Guy came, he made eye contact with the cash cows, and he boogied out of town to finish “scooping the poop” he’d been dishing out all day. So, cut him some slack. Lady M did. As soon as she saw the cooler full of lobsters and apple tarts he had Buff and Johnnie pack “to go”. Oh, and a case of the Winter Wine.

bo cooler copy lobster bib copy

So let’s not hear any more about “didn’t Big Guy’s Mom teach him any manners?” and  “You’d think a ‘typical white’ grandma would have made sure the Won learned his P’s and Cues.”  I’ve seen the records from Harvard; he was clearly recorded as “present” at the Business and Politics Etiquette Seminar. And no one ever mentioned that you don’t take “doggie” bags home from a dinner at a “well-appointed home.”