Monday, February 27, 2012

If Governors Govern, what do Dictators do?

I know, I know. I expected Miss Piggy at our Governor’s Ball last night too. Butt as it turned out there was a competing Governor’s Ball being held in Hollywood at the same time, and like many of our other Big White frequent glitterati guests from the past, she opted to attend their party instead of ours.

 miss piggy at the oscarsMiss Piggy – with Kermit – in her box at the Oscars last night.

So that does it: as I told you yesterday, we are sooo rescheduling next year’s Governor’s Ball. And yes, we do plan on Occupying the Big White next February so let’s not even go there. Butt I tell you what: here are a few of our former BHFF (Best Hollywood Friends Forever) who are no longer welcome here.

        394x700brad angelinageorge clooneymerylslide_211235_726816_largeslide_211257_727109_largetom hanks

Chris Rock, Brangelina, George Clooney (who brought along his own golden statuette) Meryl(who is her own golden statue), Jaylo (“whoops! my hooter popped out”), Gwyneth (anorexia anyone?) and Tom Hanks. See if any of you ever get invited to the Big White again!)

Although we might make an exception for the lovely Angelina, as she did demonstrate a  homage to Lady M’s style last night:

angie 610x 

Glam gams: if you’ve got 'em, flaunt 'em ladies.

Butt getting back to our fickle FBHFF: I can’t really blame them for blowing us off. Wolfgang’s menu was actually far more appealing: especially the chocolate statuettes.

wolfie ites the head off

While Wolfie was serving up tasty treats :

“guests dined on offerings by Governors Ball veteran chef Wolfgang Puck, including crab cakes, pork belly dumplings, lobster tacos, potato latkes, slow-braised short ribs with polenta, macaroni and cheese, and golden candy apples,”

Lady M and Chef Comfy served our Governors a rather austere dinner, by Big White standards: 

South Lawn Kitchen Garden Salad
Rib Eye Steak
Creamed spinach
Maryland crab Macaroni & cheese
Pear tart
with Ice Cream

Yikes! What’s going on here? No appetizer? Weeds from the organic garden of good and evil as a first course? No lobster?!?  Sure the steak was nice, albeit small, butt I have it on good authority that our “creamed spinach” didn’t even have any real cream in it! And the crab mac and cheese – not enough to feed a church mouse. And the “ice cream” with the dessert? Not even a full tablespoon per guest – and it was made with yogurt.

What’s going on here?

I’m sorry to report that the vast Right-wing conspiracy is finally getting to us. And it’s not just the “why doesn’t Lady M practice what she preaches about eating” thing.

mo eats the profitOther than for photo ops

It’s the whole Right-wing blogger meme about  “Big White excess in the middle of an economic ‘recession’” thing. Although honestly, I don’t know where they get this.

aspen gondola

The handlers have finally insisted that we start paying a little attention to the optics.  Although this seems an odd time to start pretending that we’re cutting back: now that Big Guy’s telling everyone how great the economy’s doing since he managed to get that payroll tax cut passed. Nevertheless word is, until further notice, all publically released information regarding our official dinners will be more, uh, MiPlato friendly.

Fortunately, the economy has improved enough for Lady M to get a new bedazzled frock for the Governor’s ball that she’ll only wear once.

mo gov ball

This stunning gown would have been equally at home at the Oscars: a lovely one-shouldered tulle and silk bisque-colored gown covered in beadwork. And very special ear jewels – unclear on whether we have to give them back or not. Those ethic rules are really confusing.


“And the Oscar for “best actress in a supporting role as the “angriest black woman in America” goes to…”

mo all wrapped up and nowhere to go

Oh - and for our after dinner entertainment? Dianne Reeves. Don’t get me wrong: she’s got some great jazz pipes, butt let’s face it, she’s not exactly an A-lister any more either. And her stylin’ was not exactly conducive to the Conga line that Lady M and Big Guy led at the 3 previous Governor’s Ball. Wolfie had Tony Bennett at his ball. So scratch him from any future invitation list too.

Just like in Hollywood, Big Guy used a recycled  speech last night, delivering the exact same line he’s used at all 3 previous Balls: “But you're also in a position to make real and lasting change every single day. You're where the rubber hits the road.” (Click here If you’d rather see where the Rubber Meets the Load – warning, possible spew alert)

Meanwhile, post Oscar reviews on the left coast Governor’s Ball seem to indicate that their party sort of stunk too: a bunch of old recycled hosts handing out statuettes to a bunch of old recycled movies (The Artist? Are you kidding me? They haven’t given an Oscar to a silent movie since 1929 – the beginning of the last Great Depression.). Well, what to you expect after 85 years? It’s sort of like the Constitution, you know? Sometimes you just have to reinvent yourself.

Maybe as a dictator:

sasha baron CohenAdmiral General Aladeen from the film "The Dictator" arrives on the Red Carpet: hijinks ensue

Other than that the left-coast event was populated mostly by comedians who used to be funny(Billy Crystal, Robert Downey Jr., Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Will Farrell), actresses who used to be hot ( Meryl, Gwyneth, Sandra, Cameron) and sluts who used to be ...well, ok, I guess they’re still slutty:

rose byrne melissa mccarthy classy bridesmaids“Bridesmaids” co-stars, keeping things classy on the stage

I’m not sure how helpful it would be, butt I think it would be interesting if Rasmussen or Gallup would do a poll to determine who has a higher favorability rating: Washington or Hollywood? I guess it would be more of a “who do you loath least” poll. If it turns out that Washington is the biggest loser, I think the Republicans should consider running George Clooney as their candidate. He’s got good hair, can learn his lines so he won’t sound like a moron if TOTUS suddenly goes AWOL, can switch roles as the situation requires and will say anything if you pay him enough.