Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Four words: The authentic self. Evolving.

What the heck is going on around here? France elects an openly socialist president, and Indiana throws a perfectly a good ole boy moderate overboard in favor of a…right wingnut  Tea Party candidate!? Are you kidding me? Somebody didn’t get the memo about the world tilting to the left again.

And then North Carolina voters approved a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage? Is nobody paying attention to Big Guy’s message of HOPE and CHANGE anymore?

jobo“Yeah, what Joey said. Butt don’t quote me while I’m still evolving.”


And boy, he doesn’t want to get anywhere near that gay marriage grenade. Which is why, instead of delivering his message on gay marriage in person like he did his message on missile defense, he sent Joey B out last Sunday to cue the troops that he’ll take care of that little problem after he gets reelected, and has a little more flexibility.


Butt given the conservative mood of the country in some quarters, we’re all getting a little touchy about the whole gay marriage thing. Even me. For example, as I was scanning the newsy yesterday, I read this headline: “Obama's vague gay marriage under scrutiny.”

It turns out I skipped over a rather key word, “stance”: Obama's vague gay marriage stance under scrutiny. And then the next headline I saw said this: “Time for Obama to come out” butt that, too, turned out to be my browser’s truncated version of the full headline Time for Obama to come out on gay marriage.  Which isn’t really a whole lot better, now that I think about it.

Anyway, that last article wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement of Big Guy’s “evolving” position on gay marriage either:

If you wonder whether the president actually opposes same-sex marriage, doesn’t evolution imply change? And if you think perhaps he’s still conflicted — well, that’s hardly an advertisement to be leader of the free world.

That’s harsh. What part of the nuance of “evolving” don’t these people get? Apparently it’s the part about the metamorphosis not being done until after Big Guy’s reelection.

We’ve got a lot of special interest groups we have to keep up in the air. I mean, how crazy would it be for BO to come out of his chrysalis now and risk alienating any of our voting blocks?

And speaking of special interest groups, that reminds me of a special contest in our ever evolving contest meme: “Pimp my Presidency.”

       Dinner-With-Barack-001dinner with bomo


         DWB_sept_dinner with bo

         screen-shot-2012-05-07-at-10_11_42-am-e1336399951989bo and joe dinner

and the best is yet to be:

clooney bo dinner final

This week’s contest is dedicated to a special subset of one of our very special, special interest group: women. Be sure to enroll your Mom today in our “Win your Mom a shout-out from Big Guy,” contest that ends at midnight tonight! All you have to do is get 5 of your friends to contribute to BO’s reelection coffers and your Mom will automatically be entered (be sure to include her email, so we can contact her – you know, in case she wins). This is a real twofer: you help Big Guy WiN and Mom might win a special Mother’s Day greeting from Big Guy himself! So be sure not to miss your chance to “Pimp your Mom for Obama.”

Seriously though, people are overreacting to Big Guy’s evolving positions on all these issues where taking a position runs the risk of alienating some of our fans. Let’s face it; politicians by definition are constantly “evolving” - if by “evolving” you mean dodging, evading and lying.

It hasn’t always been this way. Oh sure, lying and politics go way back, butt Big Dawg Clinton can be credited with taking this concept to the level it enjoys today. Once you can say “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’, is” with a straight face, you’ve evolved “evolving” to another whole dimension. Now, as long as you can say something with a straight face, you can say anything.

Take the case of Pochahontas Warren for example. This blonde haired, blue eyed princess so wanted to relate to the victims that she hoped to one day represent that she actually claimed to be “one of them.”

warrencs02Elizabeth Warren, the undocumented Cherokee princess demonstrates how much Indian blood she actually has.

Victor Davis Hansen comments on the nature of this recent fraud scam identity “evolution:”

Anyone who has taught in a university has come across the “Cherokee” con, especially given the Oklahoma diaspora in California. By the time I retired from CSU, I was exhausted with “1/16th” Cherokee students, who claimed success with their gambits. This was a world of Provost Liz Smith-Lopezes, José Beckers, Simba Bavuals, and all the other attempts to traffic in victimized identities.

Still, Warren, as no other recent examples, reminds us of the bald fakery in America these days. “Van” Jones was not born Van Jones. Louis (note the Jehmu Greene bowtie) Farrakhan was not born Farrakhan (yet just try to be a cool black racist as the Caribbean Louie Wolcott, aka Calypso Gene). In his twenties, Barry Dunham Obama went from Barry (a not very useful preppie suburbanite-sounding name) to Barack Obama. In the La La lands of academia, high journalism, and big government (though not in the landscaping business, farming, or short-order cookery), we sometimes wear identities in America as we do clothes, a different outfit as the occasion demands, given that our present-day Jim Crow racialists are busy figuring out to what degree pigment, ethnic ancestry, nomenclature, or assumed identity “counts.”

Ever since that “first black president” shtick worked so well for Big Dawg everyone started to adopt a minority persona for political gain. And then, sure enough, along comes Big Guy to seal the deal on the value of “minority” heritage. Of course his is authentic.

And now the other half of the original two-for-one presidency has come out firmly on the side of authenticity too. Apparently no matter how, uh…authentic it gets.

hillary's frankenstein stitchesEeee-yikes! Are those Frankenstein stitches? Maybe we aren’t completely “authentic” after all.

Apparently there has been some “airbrushing” going on in the past. I know, hard to believe. Butt now I guess we’re, uh, evolving.


Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.

Linked By: sb on Weasel Zippers, and anniej on PJ Media, Thanks!