Thursday, January 31, 2013

Qatar Hero Algorical Returns to Explain his Theory of Everything

I guess you can call this progress: we’re not blaming Bush for the economic non-miracle on Main Street anymore. From now on, we’ll be blaming tsunamis, hurricanes and other natural disasters:


As well as “strong headwinds.” Specifically strong headwinds kicked up by all those wily weepubwicans in the House who are hampering our economic recovery.

I’m still stunned. How could the GDP have dropped so precipitously in just one quarter when our jobs! jobs!jobs! numbers have been so strong? Either the Republicans’ politics of destruction are worse than we thought, or the GDP is a less perfect measure of the economy than we thought.

I’ve found someone who can shed some light on the situation that’s causing gridlock on the Potomac: Algore. In addition to being an acclaimed computer scientist (and co-inventor of the internet), politician (and winner of the popular vote in the 2000 presidential election), climatologist (and co-inventor of anthropogenic global warming), and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Al has recently bolstered his resume with the added titles of greedy capitalist, sociologist and philosopher-king.

So who better to offer his insight, as he did on his Morning Joe appearance to hawk his new book, The Future? Al waxed eloquently on everything, including the latest scientific theory on the DNA determined predestination of liberals and conservatives:

“I think, first of all, scientists now know that there is, in human nature, a divide between what we sometimes call ‘liberals’ and ‘conservatives,’” Gore said on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.” “And it gives an advantage, you can speculate, to the human species to have some people who are temperamentally inclined to try to change the future, experiment with new things, and others who are temperamentally inclined to say, ‘Wait a minute, not too fast…

So there it is: the science is settled: Liberals are open to HOPE and CHANGE and Conservatives are like, well, “hold the phone, I don’t want anything to CHANGE!” In other words, conservatives are obstructionists. Butt it’s not their fault, it’s in their DNA. Maybe we can find a cure for it some day. Until then, I hear Obamacare will pay to have your fetus tested for this genetic abnormality.

This is big scientific news. Like most people, I always thought the difference between liberals and conservatives was determined by the capacity for critical thinking.

HighPerformanceLeaderWith the right leader, and enough ants, critical thinking is no longer required

I better get that “Future-Science” upgrade installed in my science module.

Any-hoo, if you have a spew button on  your computer you can watch the entire 17 minute interview (below) of Big Algore on Ms.NBC’s Morning Joe show. Jon Meacham, editor of Al’s book, was there too and called him “a formidable piece of work,” or maybe he was talking about the book, I’m not sure. Al covers a lot of ground in the interview – like the MSM’s failure to ask questions on critical subjects during the entire 2012 campaign:

“we went through 2012, Mika, with all of the climate disasters I’ve just mentioned, without a single question by anyone on the major news networks to any of the presidential candidates in any of the debates about climate change…”

Or anything else, for that matter.

Our Qatar Hero also responds to the charge of hypocrisy for selling his Current TV network to  Al Jazeera, a wholly owned subsidiary of the oil producing emirate of Qatar, for a half billion dollars, explaining that, hey! they’re a “a real high quality news gathering organization,” not unlike Ms.NBC!

Algore went on to compliment Al Jazeera’s coverage of imaginary global warming scam, calling it  “outstanding, in-depth, extensive, far more so than any network currently on the air in the U.S.”  That gives him a pass on the “greedy capitalist” charge right there: Al Jeezera’s saving polar bears too.

So if you have the time, constitution, proper safety features and plenty of Handy Wipes, read Algore’s new book. Buried in it somewhere you will find this gem which proves once again that even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut.

squirrel saturday night feverAlgore: Qatar Hero and Blind Squirrel strikes a pose.

“Our Democracy has been hacked,” he said. Corporations have enlisted politicians and lobbyists to further their goals and have also “recruited a fifth column in the Fourth Estate,” he said in the book. “The one-way, advertising-dominated conglomerate-controlled television medium has been suffocating the free flow of ideas necessary for genuine self-determination,” he writes. The Internet provides a path for breaking the corporate stranglehold on the media,

Gore said in the interview, as it “is less vulnerable to the dominance of special interests, because individual voices play a larger and more influential role.”


al-goreKeep playing that funky music, white boy.

You never know when you might stumble upon another nut.


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