MOTUS A.D.: Carlos Danger Steers the Weiner Waggin’

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Carlos Danger Steers the Weiner Waggin’

Yeah, butt no. Apparently it’s till the same Little Tony.

Weinergate II: The Weiner Continues to Wag the Dog.

It doesn’t seem possible; has it already been 2 years since the last Weiner roast? My, how time flies when you are apparently having fun, fun, fun.

Summer 2011, we reported:

After adamantly claiming for days that he did not have sext with that woman, what’s her name, Anthony Weiner finally admitted that he did indeed sext his pecs... along with other miscellaneous anatomical assets to several women; both prior and subsequent to his marriage to Huma (who couldn’t make it to the press conference due to a previous engagement).

Some people were perplexed that Huma not only came to yesterday’s press conference where Big Tony had to acknowledge that Little Tony had been wagging again, butt smiled broadly and stood by her man. It’s easy people: she wants to be FLONYC (First Lady of New York City); and later, following in her mentor’s shoes, Secretary of State.

Again, from 2011:

Wiping back tears, Rep. Weiner said "This was me doing a dumb thing and doing it repeatedly and lying about it..."

And then the next summer doing another dumb thing and lying about it. And getting caught, thus violating the only remaining standard of behavior in politics; getting caught, not doing another dumb thing or lying. Some people just never learn. Well it’s not my fault, I’m the one who suggested Little Tony head to rehab after his last Huma-iliating affair.

Tip for Tony: use artificial tears

I guess he thought that a better use of his time in pursuit of establishing domestic bliss and future career options was hooking up with another hot political groupie for more sexting.

Things are looking worse by the hour.

So as summer languidly moves into those August days when everyone in Washington gets all wee weed up, we have another Weinergate to distract us from more serious affairs.

For example, how many people will be tuned in later today when Big Guy takes to the ~~pulpit~~ microphone to give a read on “how to fix the economy?” Despite buying pre-speech banner ads reading: “You're going to want to watch this speech”

This Wednesday, the President will kick off a series of speeches that will lay out his vision for rebuilding an economy that puts the middle class and those fighting to join it front and center.

In case you don’t have time to watch it because, well, because, here’s a synopsis from AP:

He’ll “talk about efforts to expand manufacturing, sign up the uninsured for health care coverage, revitalize the housing industry and broaden educational opportunities for preschoolers and college students.” He is also expected to claim American businesses are in desperate need of millions of new immigrant employees at a time when the unemployment rate is 7.6 percent, and rising, and 22 million Americans are underemployed.

Now it’s because we haven’t granted amnesty to 12 million previously illegal immigrants? Anyway, in case you’ve lost count of how many times we’ve lost focus on just exactly what was causing the problem, requiring us to re-pivot on our JOBS!JOBS!JOBS! platform - the answer is eight. Or to borrow a great phrase from Big Tony about Little Tony yesterday: “It’s in our rearview mirror, but it’s not far.”

So if Big Tony applies Big Guy’s JOBS!JOBS!JOBS! standard, the Weiner gets at least six more sext-capades free passes.

Maybe Huma should spend the time between all of the Tonys’ gigs getting a little more mentoring from Hillary on how to deal with future “Weiner fan eruptions.” Because smiling and appearing to give the jerk-off a pass isn’t flying too well in the blogosphere. Hillary can instruct her on the proper tactics of attacking the fans and charging a vast right wing conspiracy for trying to take out a true fighter for the working class.

Oh my! This is worse than a bimbo eruption. We’ll need an alternate plan for your career.

So apparently Big Tony’s narrative of having spent his time since resigning from Congress in disgrace rehabilitating himself and repairing his family relationships isn’t quite the whole story. I’m telling you, he should have listened to me and checked into that highly recommended Sexual-Healing-Rehab-and-Jiffy-Lube Shoppe®.

Getting back to Big Guy: today’s ~~read~~ speech will just be a continuation of his laser-like focus on the economy and jobs. As you know, he hasn’t once taken his eye off the ball since reporting for duty:

It’s just that he’s found different things to blame.

March 7, 2009

From the day I took office, I knew that solving this crisis would not be easy, nor would it happen overnight. And we will continue to face difficult days in the months ahead…

That's why my administration is committed to doing all that's necessary to address this crisis and lead us to a better day. That's why we're moving forward with an economic agenda that will jumpstart job creation

August 1, 2009 – where we blamed Bush for the economic mess:

But the truth is, we didn’t get into this mess overnight, and we won’t get out of it overnight. It’s going to take time. But history shows that you need to have economic growth before you have job growth. And the report yesterday on our economy is an important sign that we’re headed in the right direction

This won’t happen overnight. As I’ve said before, it will take many more months to fully dig ourselves out of a recession – a recession that we’ve now learned was even deeper than anyone thought. But I’ll continue to work every day, and take every step necessary, to make sure that happens.

October, 2, 2010 – where we blamed lack of “clean energy” funding:

Over the past twenty months, we’ve been fighting not just to create more jobs today, but to rebuild our economy on a stronger foundation. Our future as a nation depends on making sure that the jobs and industries of the 21st century take root here in America. And there is perhaps no industry with more potential to create jobs now – and growth in the coming years – than clean energy.

June 11, 2011 – where we blamed lack of education funding for the mess:

We’ve just come through the worst recession since the Great Depression, and while our economy as a whole has been growing and adding private sector jobs, too many folks are still struggling to get back on their feet. I wish I could tell you there was a quick fix to our economic problems.

There are also a few other things we know will help grow our economy, and give people good jobs that support a middle-class lifestyle. We know that a quality education is a prerequisite for success, so we’re challenging states and school districts to improve teaching and learning, and making it a national goal to once again have the highest proportion of college graduates in the world by 2020.

September 22, 2012 – where we blamed Congress for the economic mess:

See, when they skipped town, Members of Congress left a whole bunch of proposals sitting on the table – actions that would create jobs, boost our economy, and strengthen middle-class security. These ideas have been around for months. The American people want to see them passed. But apparently, some Members of Congress are more worried about their jobs and their paychecks this campaign season than they are about yours.

So let’s just stipulate that there are lots of reasons why Big Guy’s still giving the same economic speech 5 years into his presidency. As a homage to the Obama Age of Excuses I would like to submit this summer rerun: it serves the purpose of explaining why both the Little Weiner and the whole Country have slipped free of their moorings.

(whoops! here’s the right one)

In the end, the folks I hear from in letters or meet when I travel across the country – they aren’t asking for much. They’re just looking for a job that covers their bills. They’re just looking for a little financial security. They want to know that if they work hard and live within their means, everything will be all right. They’ll be able to get ahead, and give their kids a better life. That’s the dream each of us has for ourselves and our families.

In the real end, it’s the dream we have for our country too: if Congress could just work hard and live within its means, everything will be all right.

Don’t bet on it