MOTUS A.D.: If Obama were a Kardashian, Which Kardashian Would He Be?

Saturday, July 20, 2013

If Obama were a Kardashian, Which Kardashian Would He Be?

“You know, when Trayvon Martin was first shot I said that this could have been my son. Another way of saying that is Trayvon Martin could have been me 35 years ago.”

Not to quibble over words, as we all know by now that “just words” don’t mean anything butt technically, no; that isn’t another way of saying it. “If I had a son, he’d look like Trayvon” is another way of saying “this could have been my son.” “I could have been Trayvon,” is another way of saying “Trayvon Martin could have been me.”

Butt hey! We all get the point, right?

President Obama implored Americans on Friday to “do some soul-searching” in the aftermath of the shooting death of an unarmed black teenager in Florida, speaking expansively and introspectively about the nation’s painful history of race and his own place in it.

So I’m willing to play along. We all know that BO could’ve been Trayvon, or a Kardashian butt let’s do some soul-searching and see who else Big Guy could’ve been 35 years ago.

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev? Like BO, he had a flakey mother and was disenfranchised, maybe he could have been Dzhokhar.

And how about Cory Monteith? He, too, was talented and given to using drugs to escape life’s harsh expectations.

Although both of these young guys are/were pretty white; and as we know from his first and second autobiographies, Big Guy didn’t really relate much to his white half. Especially after he became a successful community organizer.

I suppose, with that set of chords he’s got, BO could have been any of the young rappers. Lil Wayne for example.

In fact I understand that Lil Wayne has been to rehab a few times for his Sizzurp addiction. (“Sizzurp” aka “Purple Drank,” “Lean,” and “Texas Tea.” It’s a concoction of cough syrup - preferably codeine butt OTC will do in a pinch -, Arizona Tea or soda and Jolly Ranchers or Skittles. – h/t srdem65)

I understand it’s a big thang with urban youth in the south who are just minding their own business.

Alternatively, and since we are free to make up the rules as we go along these days, how about doing our soul-searching from the rear view mirror and contemplate who Big Guy could have been 35 years ago.

Possibly Augusto Pinochet?

Apparently BRF isn’t a new phenomena

Although Augusto was Chile’s rather non-benevolent dictator he still enjoyed high approval ratings from his adoring fans well into his regime of terror.

The Pinochet-ettes look just like O-bots!

Closer to home, BO could have been Jimmy Carter 35 years ago. You remember Jimmy Carter: he undercut our friend, the reformist Shah of Iran and thus helped usher the Ayatollah Khomeini into power and the rest, as they say, is history:

Thus Jimmy Carter's misguided implementation of human rights policies not only indirectly led to overthrow of the Shah of Iran, but also paved the way for loss of more than 600,000 lives, Iran's rule by Ayatollahs, the Iran-Iraq War, Iraq's Invasion of Kuwait and Desert Storm, the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, the Taliban, Al Qaeda, Osama bin Laden, and the mass murder of Americans and destruction of the World Trade Center towers on September 11, 2001.

Oh, and I almost forgot: Jimmy also won a Nobel Peace Prize, just like Big Guy.

Equally deserving

That was for signing the first nuclear non-proliferation treaty with Russia (about the same time Big Guy would have been formulating his own deep thoughts on nuclear proliferation that would later he included in his only published college paper) and for getting that Mid-East “Framework for Peace” accord signed at Camp David. Just think: that was 35 years ago, and today we’re still reaping all the benefits that were to be had from that piece of work.

On the other hand, Jimmy Carter gave the Panama Canal away to Nicaragua in a show of neighborly friendship, oversaw an abysmal economy with the unemployment rate hovering around 6% - which actually sounds pretty good now, butt they probably calculated it differently back then – and the country was burdened with what was referred to as “runaway” inflation as neither the Fed or the Treasury had yet figured out how to ~~mask~~ “control” inflation while still printing money like crazy.

Still, there’s plenty of time left. Big Guy could give Texas back to Mexico and somehow manage to get our unemployment rate down to 6% – which I think he can pull off if we just continue to not count the people who’ve been out of work for over a year and put the rest of them on disability.