Thursday, August 4, 2011

Our Birth Certificate Says We’re 50 Today.

Lady M didn’t go to Big Guy’s birthday party in the Windy City after all. (She had a sick headache.) Butt she did send Granny R along to keep tabs on Big Guy. He’s been so overworked lately Lady M wanted to make sure he got home early to catch up on his sleep. Because you know, he didn’t sleep at all during the debt crisis.

And knowing how Rahmbo and the rest of the Chicago Boyz are, she wanted to make sure he didn’t participate in the after-party partying,that they’re famous for.

momma wentBig Guy returning to the Big White with his chaperon.

Since nobody messes with Granny R, even Rhambo, there were no private after glows for Big Guy so they were home by midnight, as “requested.”

The Birthday parties were a huge success though, raking in over $3.6 million! The wealthiest of Americans paid their fair share last night.

Butt don’t think Big Guy didn’t earn his birthday gifts. First, he had  protests outside the Aragon to ignore. Tea Partiers on one corner, Latinos demanding citizenship on another, Union members on another (apparently our Big White staff hired non-union labor to set up and tear down at the Aragon. Talk about not getting on the high speed train!). And then, the air conditioning pooped out at the Argon(maybe because of a labor dispute?). And it was HOT inside: 92 degrees!

bo hot enoughBreaking a Sweat, for a change

In case you were unable to go, either because you weren’t in Chicago or you’re not one of the nation’s wealthiest tax payers, here’s a brief summary of the event from our normally supportive LATimes:

Amazingly, 64% of the way through his own term, Obama is still talking about the final 12% of his predecessor's two terms.

How bad the economy in 2008 was, fully 33 months ago. How the economy shrunk 8% -- in 2008. Worst he'd ever seen. He said the economy got worse before his plans took effect.

Obama's literally still saying "Yes, we can." But he doesn't say why we haven't. No explanation for why the economy's still so bad despite all of his plans and spending and Joe "The Stimulus Czar" Biden's job growth promises. How unemployment is back up to 9.2% with economic indicators softening and GDP growth anemic.

Hmmm. That seems a little…hyper-critical. Have they not heard of last year’s “Recovery Summer?”

Maybe I’m just being overly sensitive. Butt can you blame me? First Eric Cantor claimed Big Guy was in over his head. Then the Gateway Pundit reports that everyone – R-words and Dems – asked the Prez and staffers to leave them alone during the Big White debt negotiations so they could get a little work done! How insulting; implying that Big Guy was not just superfluous, butt an obstructionist as well. That’s just crazy. Isn’t it?  He is the smartest man in the room. Isn’t he?

three quarters goneOK, call me when you need me then.

Well, at least we had some hot fun in the old town last night! Mayor Rahmbo was on board to greet BO:

I love you manOld friends of a feather

And introduce headliner Jennifer Hudson – lordy, she is hawt!

little rhamboBig Girl, little man

Probably just as well that Lady M couldn’t make it.

jennifer and the boyzBig Girl, little men

Rahmbo introduced Big Guy to the adoring crowd:

uh ohRahm gives tributes to Big Guy…uh oh!

And then there was the entertainment! Oh wait, we couldn’t stay for the concerts, because we had another fundraiser to hit up attend: dinner upstairs. And what magnificent food! Although we didn’t arrive in time for the actual dinner – due to our earlier video teleconferencing event that raised money in honor of Big Guy’s birthday all across the country! I’m sure the food was good though, at $35,800 a plate. Probably all locally grown and sourced.

And don’t worry about BO going hungry; he grabbed a snack with his debt negotiation team before leaving D.C - at Lady M’s favorite burger joint (Good Stuff, where they even have a burger named after Lady M! It’s big and beefy! It used to be a turkey burger, butt they switched back to beef after that nasty salmonella outbreak.) Anyway, it was Big Guy’s way of saying “thank you” to the team for all of their efforts. Too bad they were out of the turkey burgers though.

obama good eatsBig Guy treats his senior debt negotiation team to burgers. If they hadn’t all been asked to leave the negotiations because they were causing so much trouble, they might have gotten a lobster. 

Good old TOTUS though, he loaded up the birthday/fundraising speech and plodded on at all three events held in the hot, hot hot Aragon Entertainment Complex. Despite the heat, he made Big Guy sound like…like…well, like he’s running for President again:

The thing that we all have to remember is, is that as much good as we’ve done, precisely because the challenges were so daunting, precisely because we were inheriting so many challenges, that we’re not even halfway there yet. When I said, “change we can believe in,” I didn’t say “change we can believe in tomorrow."

Translation: “It’s Bush’s fault, butt I did the best I could. And since it’s so much worse than I thought I can’t clean it up without another term. And that’s why I need you, the wealthiest Americans, to give your fair share. Both at the office and at home.”

I know you’re all concerned about Lady M, because she hasn’t been seen for a long time. She’s just resting up.

joining forcesGo ahead, take a load off

She’ll be hitting the fund raising trail herself real soon. And I think she may have gotten a touch of that salmonella from her “favorite” turkey burgers. Butt she’s feeling much better now, and we’re getting ready for Big Guy’s real birthday party tonight in the Rose Garden. Good food, cake and ice cream and other unspecified “treats.”

BTW: one of the evil Michelles is running a tweet list of suggestions for birthday games we might play tonight. My favorites so far: Musical Czars, Pin the Fail on the Elephant and Unfollow the Leader. (via Larwyns Linx)

This is going to be fun!

P.S. In case you follow this economic stuff: Dow down 260 points so far today, debt now equals the entire GDP, inflation creeping up. At least Big Guy got what he wanted for his birthday: the debt ceiling was raised!