Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Problems Solved: Check!

It’s kind of a slow news day here in the Big White and what news there is, isn’t what we like to hear. Big Guy is doing so many U-turns, that he’s making me dizzy.


First, just as we start to pander to embrace our Christian brothers & sisters, our policies turn around and bite us in the butt.


Big Guy would have doubled down and bullied the Bishops into submission, butt then our mooselim brothers (sisters don’t count in sharia), who named their “religion” after the concept of submission (you not them) are threatening to turn on us too.


Catholics might excommunicate you, butt mooselims have a harsher way for dealing with people who disagree with them. AND, now it looks like that pesky, out of date Constitution is blocking our path once again.


Second, it turns out you ungrateful, selfish small people out there haven’t been very forthcoming with your “$3 or more” individual donations to help us win another 4 years, which we so deserve. I know part of the problem is Axeman hasn’t distributed those pre-paid MasterCards that The Guy Behind the Curtain supplies, so you have to send us your own money, and you ingrates would rather buy milk and hamburger for the kids. Haven’t you heard about our expanded food stamp program?


I’ll stop listing issues here, because our total list of problems challenges would take more bandwidth than is available on the interweb –don’t even get me started on that one. Anyhoo, no President in history could solve all these problems during an election year, except Big Guy. And he leapt into action yesterday, did a U-turn and ordered Kathipotamus to prepare a memo with three compromise positions for him to choose from, that will exempt religious organizations from his unconstitutional compassionate birth control mandate.


He will then place his check mark in the box next to the option he likes best that is most compassionate, thereby pulling his huevos out of the hot burning sand solidifying the union with our Christian brothers & sisters and our mooselim brotherhood brothers. Problem one solved: CHECK!

obama_checklis mo vacationt copy

Next Big Guy moved to solve our WTF-2012 money problems challenges. He explored the option of issuing an Executive order mandating that all US citizens, documented or un-documented, send a check for $3.00 or more to Obama-Biden 2012, or pay a tax of $10,000. We figured everybody would opt for the 3 buck option. Butt then, our legal beagles started talking about that stupid Constitution again and he had to scrap that plan. At least until we can get a couple more elite, forward thinking legal scholars like Ruth Bader Ginsburg appointed to our Supremes. To cut to the chase, Big Guy did another U-turn and ordered Administration and campaign staff to fundraise for Priorities USA Action, a super PAC backing Team-Obama. This should have us swimming in shekels in no time.

Campaign Commissar, Jim Messina then sent out an email blast announcing the decision and attached his essay, “We will not play by two sets of rules.” DUH! Like everybody already knows that we play by Chicago rules! I won’t bore you with an analysis of Messy’s treatise because I’m sure you got your own copy in you email this morning. Problem two solved: CHECK!

I’ll have to hurry to get this Lady M update in, because we’re going shopping for outfits to wear when the Giants come to Big White. Turns out Eli Manning’s little woman may be more trouble than Giselle.


Eli and the Tramp

She’s not a super-hot Brazilian supermodel, butt she is quite a hottie. It’s going to be a long shopping day to get our game on for that.

Also, it turns out that Giselle may be more in tune Lady M than we ever imagined. Not from a “structural” point of view, butt more alike in attitude.


It seems Mrs. Tom Brady was not amused by all the dropped passes hubby threw to his receivers Sunday, especially in the critical 4th quarter when Wes Welker, Aaron Hernandez and Deion Branch all had critical cases of butterfingers.

"You (have) to catch the ball when you're supposed to catch the ball," Gisele Bundchen said. "My husband cannot [expletive] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can't believe they dropped the ball so many times."


Sounds a lot like lady M to me too, only she’s an angry Brazilian woman, not an angry, well, you know.


Do not drop the ball this year! Do you hear me?!?

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, Thanks!