MOTUS A.D.: No One Left Behind...In A Swing State

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

No One Left Behind...In A Swing State

Thank goodness Sandy came along. None of our other approaches seem to be working anymore so we really needed a new shiny thing.

Or not so shiny, as the case may be. We work pretty well in the dark too.

Plus this new crisis allows BO to do a little “presidencing” – something he hasn’t been doing much of lately. In case you’re wondering, “presidencing” involves stringing together authoritative declarative sentences (with or without TOTUS) such as:

"My instructions to the federal agents has been, 'Do not figure out why we can't do something. I want you to figure out how we do something,'"

Which sounds much more presidential than any of BO’s recent raft of campaign ads that some people consider juvenile, tasteless and low rent. Butt in their defense, they’re aimed at specific constituencies within our ranks that, well, many people consider juvenile, tasteless and low rent.

In case you missed some of these ads because you don’t subscribe to Moveon.org or get Ms.NBC on your cable channels, here’s a brief recap.

First, an ad pitched to the “For The Children” crowd (i.e. Clinton soccer moms and teachers of propaganda) there’s the Children-For-Obama production (not to be confused with the original Praise Obama children - I’m sure you remember them - mmm, mmm, mmm!):

Innocent little pawns for Obama

In which children of the future sing of Republican perdition: dirty air, dirty water, pushing granny off the cliff, dead polar bears and “fixed” gays – whatever that is. The ad scores high on the “cuteness,” “mendacity,” “exploitative” and “propaganda” scales; low on the decency, tolerance and truth scales.

Next there was the foul-mouthed senior citizens ad aimed at, well, I’m not sure exactly which constituency we were going for here, low information voters perhaps?

It features a group of senior citizens with anger management issues discussing what violence they would like to unleash if Governor Romney wins all in NSFW dialogue. I’d recommend upping their meds. I think they’re still covered by Obamacare.

Then “for the women” there was this “first timers” for Obama spot, featuring the country’s second most questionable virgin (Madonna has a stranglehold claim on that title in perpetuity). Rather than watching the creepy original again, I’ll just let Greg Gutfeld explain how this political hot potato was perceived:

So, after receiving less than spectacular reviews in the presidential polls for these attempts at audience segmentation, the Big Brains were relieved to have a spectacular storm to divert everyone’s eyes away from them and other man-made disasters.

So Big Guy moved quickly to address the situation from Red Cross Headquarters; imploring people everywhere to “lean forward:”

"I want you to cut through red tape, I want you to cut through bureaucracy; there's no excuse for inaction at this point. I want every agency to lean forward and to make sure we are getting the resources where they're needed as quickly as possible."

“Lean Forward?” There’s an original idea. I wonder who writes this stuff?

Oh right, the Ms.NBC “talent”

So while the SNN (Selective News Networks) wolf pack hunts down Romney for an answer to their critical question regarding his plans for eliminating the middle man in the disaster aid process, FEMA:

"Governor, are you going to eliminate FEMA?"

"Governor, you've been asked 14 times, why are you refusing to answer the question?"

Not one member of the SNN beta pack

dares ask BO why he is determined to make sure that no one is left behind in the aftermath of Sandy:

“This is a tough time for a lot of people; millions of folks all across the Eastern Seaboard, but America's tougher. And we're tougher because we pull together, we leave nobody behind, we make sure we respond as a nation and remind ourselves that whenever an American is in need, all of stand together to make sure we're providing the help that's necessary.”

- butt left our men behind in Benghazi (via Larwyn’s Linx)