Some time last week the Big Brains decided to change the period to an exclamation point in our
ironic iconic campaign motto. And I must say, Lady M wears it well:
So let’s have a little discussion about the proper use of punctuation marks:
Use an exclamation point [ ! ] at the end of an emphatic declaration,interjection, or command.
"No!" he yelled. "You do not have authorization! Stand down! Or you will be relieved of your command!"
An exclamation mark may be used to close questions that are meant to convey extreme emotion, as in
“Where’s our backup!”
Use a period [ . ] at the end of a command.
- Everyone in the administration was commanded to blame the video for the attack on our Embassy.
Use a question mark [ ? ] at the end of a direct question.
- Why on earth was aid denied to our Ambassador and his men while they were being attacked by al Qaeda terrorists?
Of course, some sentences really require the use of an interobang, the combination of an exclamation point and a question mark, as in
- “Where is the f***ing Spectre!?!”
There were some who argued that a question mark might have been the more correct punctuation mark to add to the FORWARD? slogan under the circumstances. Butt since this is a campaign, not a grammar seminar, we went with the mark that more correctly conveys the message we are trying to advance.
Some people favored the interobang butt it was rejected as it appeared too equivocal,
ditto the concise butt still confusing contraction of the word:
So we just settled for the NEW! IMPROVED! BIGGER THAN EVER! version:
And now, back to the real issue: the final four on the campaign trail with MO and BO; Here’s Lady M rockin’ her frock and energizin’ the base. Note that both of them are defying the rules of daylight savings time and springing FORWARD! into the fall, instead of following conventional wisdom and falling behind. Talk about staying on message!
Given the circumstances, I think this grammar change was sheer genius. To paraphrase Lewis Carroll, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you FOREWARD!”
We’re just hoping to maintain enough FORWARD! activity to maneuver around Benghazigate for just FOUR more days. And so far it’s looking good - that one rogue Wapo guy is quickly falling back in with the SNN (Selective News Networks) pack of lapdogs. So our wrap-it-up strategy is to stay below the radar, riding the tailwinds of the Storm Of The Century So Far (SOTCSF) to victory.
I’m sure everyone will understand why we won’t have time to hold a press conference to answer questions about the Benghazi
cover-up attack before Tuesday. With all this frenetic activity around Historic Hurricane Sandy and the most historic reelection campaign ever, we really can’t squeeze it in.
So let’s all just stay focused on the important stuff for these last few days okay? Big Bird, binders, bayonets, condoms, contraceptives and choice. If need be, we’re prepared to move on to the letter “D” as well.
Oh, and don’t forget that Big Guy whacked Osama and delivered us from terror! And that’s why the Benghazi attack was not initially thought to be a terrorist attack. Butt as you know, there will always be a few bumps in the road. You’ve got to break a few of Big Bird’s eggs and all that.
As long as we’re able to keep the SNN off the trail of these niggling little facts (No, that’s not racist; look it up in your Funk and Wagnall's) as laid out by Doug Ross’s twin timeline d’affaire d'état we should be just fine.
A quick read appears to reveal that nobody knew nothin’ about anything. Thank goodness we only have four more days to keep the wraps on this because it sure looks like we’re getting ourselves knee deep in the hoopla. Or is that “hookah?”
Butt Alice’s concern with proper grammar brings me back to Big Guy’s updated campaign slogan: FORWARD! It’s really brilliant when you think about it: a concise way of stating the Red Queen’s rule of law:
‘The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday—but never jam to-day.’
That’s a campaign promise that we’re sure we can keep.
‘It must come sometimes to “jam to-day”,’ Alice objected. ‘No, it can't,’ said the Queen.
Why, you ask?
Because sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.
So, as you prepare to vote next Tuesday just ask yourself one little question: “Do I have as much jam as I did FORE years ago?