UPDATED WITH PREDICTIONS BELOW!!!
Well, it’s a wrap! One way or the other.
Bo and MO ended the interminable campaign last night with a concert in Des Moines. In a half-empty (or half-full, depending on how full your glass is) auditorium.
Bruce Springsteen just doesn’t seem to have the appeal he once did.
I guess the campaign Big Brains liked the symmetry of wrapping up in the very place Big Guy began his ascendency way back in 2008. But seriously, who authorized this poster:
“Finish where we started” – FINISH? does anybody around here even read copy anymore? And to think - we used to be so good at messaging.
Earlier in the day Big Guy joined Jay-Z in Columbus for another huge rally with the rapper customizing a version of his big hit “99 Problems” by cleverly replacing his signature “b**ch word with “Mitt” in order to rap “I got 99 problems but Mitt ain’t one.” I’m not sure, butt I think he was endorsing Big Guy. Some other people were confused too, because I heard one guy holler out “Hey Jay-Z, I’ve got news for you: America’s got 16 trillion problems, and Mitt ain’t one of them either!”
Like I said, we used be so good at messaging:
Butt back to Des Moines (pork capital of America, coincidentally); Bruce Springsteen rocked the half-full house. He even wrote a special song for the event called “FORWARD!” in honor of our newest, and last, campaign motto.
"Not the best I've ever written. How many things rhyme with Obama?" he asked.
“Trauma” comes to mind, butt perhaps not especially useful for artistic purposes. Or political.
Before joining Big Guy in the pork capital, Lady M was busy stirring up the troops in Florida. She was pretty emotional:
"Together, slowly but surely, we have been pulling ourselves out of that hole that we started in," Obama said, casting her husband's first term in office as a difficult but productive road to economic recovery.
Declaring “we are going to get this done,” an emotional Michelle Obama rallied a central Florida crowd Monday night.
“Your president is nowhere near satisfied,” she said, making the pitch for a second term for her husband, President Barack Obama.
But Michelle Obama warned that the president needs every vote he can get.
"Don't let anybody push you out of line," the first lady said, telling those who haven't voted yet to get to the polls early.
And then, just for good measure, she sent out an inspirational Tweet to encourage all you folks to get to the polls:
Here are a few things the “folks” have been able to imagine so far:
- 16% unemployment,
- $32 trillion debt,
- gas @$7.60 a gallon,
- a poverty rate of 23%,
- a $10 trillion deficit,
- 2 more empathetic Supreme Court Justices,
- another dead ambassador,
- another dead border patrolman,
- many more dead former Navy Seals,
- another 2000 guns walking into the hands of Mexican drug cartels,
- a lot more “flexibility” with Russia on our missile defense systems,
- a nuclear Iran,
- Israel - gone,
- EPA shut down on all gas and oil drilling,
- EPA shut down on coal mining and coal run generation plants,
- the price of electricity tripling,
- the price of food doubling,
- 50 more bankrupt Solyndras…
- Oh yeah - and “Death Panels” to hand out the “pain pills”
On second thought, maybe it would be best if you just took your thinking cap off before entering the voting booth,
and replace it with the old, standard issue cap:
Anyway, then it was on to Iowa where MO joined BO for the final rally.
Emotions were running high all around:
It’s almost as if Big Guy knows something we don’t. I’m afraid at this point, we can only HOPE. For CHANGE.
I know the “Gentleman's Agreement” with our lapdogs in the MSM is that exit poll results and outcome predictions will not be released, by journOlists before all the polls close (unless Big Guy needs a boost). Butt I’m not a MSM journOlist. So, I’ve decided to release my predictions of the outcome of this historic election. Now!
My predictions are the result of my “U-Predict: Election Results” android app analysis of election trends, polling models and data going back to the election of Richard Milhous Nixon in 1972:
Demographic shifts, economic issue variables and a tip from Dewey about Michigan, are also included in my analysis.
An now, my W.A.G. on this election is (drum roll please):
Other bold predictions (probably way more scientific than mine) include Michael Barone:
and Karl Rove:
So, keep a smile on you face and faith in your heart.