Friday, March 1, 2013

Chicago. And. All. That. Jazz.


this commercial message brought to you by MO and NikeThings began well enough; completely covered in a pinstripe pant suit with pearls

Let’s see: first we cancelled gym classes across the country in order to inject more important topics into the school curriculum like sex education, diversity, global paranoia, self-esteem, nutrition and sex education.

Now Lady M wants to reintroduce “activity” classes in order to eliminate the fat behinds the kids are getting due to lack of gym class and because they’re no longer allowed to run around and play dodge ball at recess.

162851167Things began to go downhill once everyone “Nike-ed” up

mo in her free nikes Gabby Douglas, the gymnast Lady M chastised for eating her Egg McMuffin last year 

Lady M was in Chicago yesterday to kick off the latest phase of her taxpayer funded No Child’s Fat Behind program. This time we rented McCormick Place in Chicago (union shop; 3 day’s work: 1 day set up, 1 day operating audio/visual, 1 day tear down) for 6000 kids to be entertained by celebrity athletes and entertainers (including Lady M).

mo44“I believe I can fly”

Now, I don’t have a problem with phys ed. Butt I think MO’s timing may not be “optimal.”

Since the Republicans have ensured that we don’t have enough money to keep illegal felons in jail, teachers in the classroom, policeman or fireman on the streets, air traffic controllers in their towers or TSA agents at the security checkpoints or send aircraft carriers to the Persian Gulf…well people are going to wonder where we’re going to get enough money to put dance classes back in schools all across the country.

Although I guess it could sell it as part of our Jobs! Jobs! Jobs! plan; there will be a lot of jobs involved in building all those new dance studios and showers in schools across America. And I guess we could rehire some of the musically inclined illegals to teach dance class, and put those out-of-work TSA agents to work as shower monitors.

I’m just a little concerned where we’re going to get the money to do all this. I sure hope they don’t have to cancel reading and arithmetic classes in order to accommodate this very important curriculum requirement. We could end up with a generation of kids who look good in their free Nikes, and know how to “dougie.”


Butt unfortunately they won’t be able to either read the nutritional labels mandated for their own good, or calculate their portion size.


What if I want to eat 2 cups? I was told there would be no math!

nutritional lables And don’t even think about selling me that overpriced 1/3 pound burger; I want the full 1/4 pound!

No wonder we need to regulate the size of sodas: we really are too stupid to figure it out for ourselves.


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