Big Apple on a Dime

Lady M, Grammy and the girls got back from the Big Apple late Wednesday. I’ve hidden all the scales, and switched my refractors onto the lowest setting, –10. The trip was a huge success and a big hit with the Wee Wons. Whoa! We even hit a candy store! Here's the reverse order run down from the Chicago Sun Times:

• Wednesday. We toured the "Sesame Street" studio. You remember Sesame street, right? Where we touted our fruit and veggie diet? Nothing to eat there. Then, off to Brooklyn, visiting the Brooklyn Bridge Park, the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory and a well-known pizzeria, Grimaldi's. Pepperoni and sausage. Oh yeah, someone ordered a veggie pizza, but that was just for show.

• Tuesday. Harlem.Not the real Harlem of course, where the pimps,whores and drug addicts hang, but the uptown gentrified part. You know, where Bill Clinton has set up his lair office? Then we toured the Studio Theater and the famous Apollo Theater. All that touring worked up a voracious appetite. Lady M and some friends dined at Aquavit, owned by Marcus Samuelsson, the guest chef at White House first state dinner for the Prime Minister of India. She ordered the tasting menu. (that’s like, what, 15 courses?) Grammy and girls stayed at the hotel and ordered in: lobster appetizers, kobe sliders garnished with foie gras,caesar salad, hold the anchovies, extra dressing, hot fudge sundaes, and a fifth of Captain Morgan’s. It’s so cute to see the wee Wons act all grown up.

• Monday night: A preview of a new musical, "The Addams Family,"which opens next month. We’ve pretty much covered that already.

• Sunday matinee: The musical "Memphis" about an interracial couple in segregation-era Tennessee. Before that, brunch at the Mesa Grill. (the girls – all of them – luv Bobby Flay.)

• Saturday night: Blue Man group. On the same day a stop at Dylan's Candy Bar (have you ever had a deep fried Snickers bar? Divine!)

In addition, we squeezed in lunch at my personal favorite Russian Tea Room, but it’s really nothing like it used to be in the 80’s, or  even the 90’s with Bill and Hil. I think they even get their borscht out of a bottle now. And the caviar is domestic. Not to mention that they redid the whole room and it no longer looks like a St. Petersburg bordello. Some people like the more sophisticated atmosphere, but frankly I find it all a little bourgeois now.

But we did the whole trip on a very tight budget:  Lady M, Grammy, the Wee Wons, a dozen little friends, 5 days in the Big Apple. Round trip transportation on special Air Force Two shuttle:$150,000. Accomodations and food (lots of food): $150,000, total number of photos shot by paparazzi: 2.  Cost to clear the streets, sweep the crowds, confiscate cell phones and cameras: priceless.