Pastry Chef Yosses and his staff of little people have been busy for 3 days baking organic cookies made with Big White honey to pass out to all the ghosts, ghouls and goblins who drop around here for a visit. We’ll also be putting them in the goodie bags for all the kiddies who’ll be stopping by tonight for trick or treat.
Lady M would have been on the campaign
trial trail with Big Guy, but she’s been busy picking out costumes for both of them to wear to tonight’s festivities. Unlike last year, when it didn’t matter so much, this year’s costumes need to appeal to our ungrateful voters in a last ditch attempt to get them to the polls to vote for HOPE and CHANGE that WE believe in.
So instead of the generic kitten-eared cat woman from last season, we are sticking with popular costumes this year - in order to appeal to the maximum number of voters in the 18-34 demographic that we need to win big on Tuesday. So here goes, let me know what you think.
First up, MO as Planet Pandora’s hottest it girl, Neytiri. # 1 was done without our patented world class containment system:
While # 2 is – as you can see – was taken with it, along with deployment of all of my magical powers.
I rather like the # 1 “natural” girl version. Not only is it more in keeping with the spirit of Planet Pandora, but since it’s supposed to look that way, I don’t have to work quite as hard. But that’s just me being selfish. So if you prefer #2, I don’t mind sacrificing for the good of the American people.
Next, we go in the opposite direction. This is one Halloween costume that never seems to get old. Just a little more “mature.” Behold: the original witchy woman, Elvira Queen of the Night. All of the guys with beer bellies now remember her from their college days, so maybe this is a go.
And while this is next one is one of Lady M’s favorite costumes, we’ll probably reserve it for day wear. It’s currently hot and popular with the ultra-young set, butt they really can’t vote yet (unless some illegal alien has their Social Security number). This is Hit Girl, the 10 year old cartoon vigilante who fights crime and corruption at every turn. Definitely a costume against character, but we love purple, short skirts and capes. And it might also appeal to fly-overs clinging to their guns and religion.
From the kid next door to the Jersey Shore: here are a couple of really hot contenders.
First there’s Mike, “the Situation” with his signature swagger and 6-pack abs. Something we all know MO admires. And look, you can buy them right down the street at Halloween USA.
But here’s the coup de gras: Let’s put our hands together for Snooki!
This is so Lady M, of course we’ll need maximum containment and extraordinary refraction capabilities. But what the heck, it might be the last really fun party we have around here for quite awhile.
Big Guy didn’t have much time to select his costume this year as he did last, when, as you’ll recall, he went as a dweeb.
Just as well since MO picked out a couple of costumes for him. They’re all geared to a different voting block.
This first one, obviously, was intended to win the San Fran Bay area for Fancy Nancy and Barbara “call me Senator” Boxer.
Don’t get excited. Big Guy’s still got the manorexic thing going on, but this costume comes with its own full body suit complete with all the man-muscles. I don’t think this is going to make it to the final cut however since it might annoy some of our Blue Dogs, and it looks like San Fran Nan is a pile of leftover cold cuts any way.
Next, we have the classic Joker. A big hit just a couple of years ago, but looking a little tired and dated now. But no doubt a great number of our constituents can still identify with it on many levels.
So here are two options from the Michael Jackson songbook, guaranteed to reach across the aisle and pull in a few people from every voting block, so either one of these should be considered a solid contender:
or, classic MJ
Hey, Big Guy looks great with Jheri curls!
But there’s one final costume. Also Mike, the Situation, from Jersey Shore. This one is intended to appeal to the group suffering the worst from an enthusiasm gap: you know Joe Six Pack.
And while we could really stand to lure that group back in, I’m afraid you’ll have to agree with me on this: between the two of them, Lady M so owns this one.
So let me know as soon as you can which one you like best. We need all the votes we can beg, borrow or steal to pull our chestnuts out of the fire this time.