Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Parasites, Two Ways

Boy, everyone around here is a little bristly today. Probably because we’re hosting the big State dinner tonight for President Hu Jintao, and the Chinese lanterns haven’t arrived yet.

Big Guy, head of the Peoples Republic of Amerika, had a private dinner last night with the head of the People’s Republic of China in one of our Big White dining rooms.

P011811PS-0637I don’t think dinner in the “yellow” dining room was necessary

After dinner he agreed to sign a nuclear safety pact with the Peoples Republic of China:

an agreement between the U.S. and the People’s Republic of China to establish a “Center of Excellence” in China to promote effective nuclear security and safeguards.

a “Center of Excellence?” In China - the People’s Republic of China? To “promote effective nuclear security and safeguards?”

Don’t you think we should have thought of that before we either gave or sold them all of our nuclear secrets? 

Butt on a positive note, maybe this means we can start building nuclear power plants in the U.S. again! Since Big Guy has banned the drilling of oil in the Gulf, the drilling of natural gas in the West, would like to ban the burning of dirty coal everywhere and Al Gore says corn really doesn’t make very good ethanol after all - we’re running out of options.

Meanwhile, back to the Chinese New Years party: everyone’s buzzing around here getting ready. Lady M and Chef Comfy have been working on the menu for months, butt as of this morning the only thing for sure are the eggrolls and fortune cookies.

And I can’t reveal who our celebrity guest chef is going to be tonight either. (Butt don’t forget: we have ties to the Food Network, so almost-Iron Chef Ming Tsai is a good guess, especially since our other PBS guy isn’t available)

mingSemi-Iron Chef Ming Tsai

We considered real Iron Chef Morimoto, butt his demeanor doesn’t really meet our new civility standards:

MORIMOTO A little too “Samurai Warrior” for the kinder, gentler Big White cuisine. Besides, we think Big Guy got his parasites from Morimoto’s hamachi tartare

Big Guy’s having a working lunch with Hu and a group of business leaders from China and America. Hu hasn’t told us who he’s bringing butt the American delegation includes Steve Ballmer of Microsoft, Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sachs, and Jeff Immelt of General Electric, as they were the highest bidders.

Topics to be discussed include human rights in China, improved trade, the value of Chinese currency, and the primacy of the U.S. dollar.

The menu may not matter much after that, as everyone’s going to be dyspeptic after that.