Saturday, September 17, 2011

More Science For More Jobs - Four More Years! Raw Raw Raw!

Big Guy’s always greatly anticipated weekly address was about Jobs, Jobs, Jobs again this week. Today he previewed the debt reduction plan he’ll be presenting to the Deficit Reduction Super Committee next week:

“On Monday, I‘ll lay out my plan for how we’ll do that — how we’ll pay for this plan and pay down our debt by following some basic principles: making sure we live within our means and asking everyone to pay their fair share.”

substitute superherosSuper heroes: Behold My Jobs Bill! Details at 11:00! So get to work; you don’t have much time.

Some of the little details of Big Guy’s original American Jobs Act – seen here in the Rose Garden bundled into its giant binder clip, just like in your office! – are beginning to leak out.


For example how we’re going to “pay for it.” That’s where we get a glimpse of Big Guy’s creative thinking that he pulled together during his sleep away on Martha’s Vineyard. Here’s just a little glimpse: he’s going to raise taxes on millionaires and billionaires and private jets! And he’ll be proposing the elimination of some of those unfair “loopholes” like charitable deductions and mortgage interest deductions that are currently used by so many scofflaw's. I think we’re trying to eliminate charities that are competing with well paying government jobs that also provide handouts. And clearly, with no one having bought a house for 3 years now, there’s enough pent up demand that the housing market no longer nedds that decades old “loophole” deduction incentive to get back on its feet.

Besides, isn’t that a small price to pay for a bill that “puts teachers back in the classroom, and keeps cops and firefighters on our streets.” Except, I thought we all ready did that with the last stimulus? Or maybe those funds got diverted to their underfunded pension plans, or something.

Other details that you may have missed in Big Guy’s new and improved JOBS JOBS JOBS Plan:  provisions for “The Plaintiffs’ Lawyers Full Employment Bill” by creating a new protected class of the “unemployed” – and let’s face it: that’s a HUGE group now! Under the American Jobs Act, employers can be sued if they don’t hire an unemployed person to fill their job opening, and the candidate feels he’s been discriminated against (and let’s face it, who won’t?). So there’s at least 100,000 lawyers jobs created or saved right there.

Also, as you may recall from Big Guy’s Big Jobs Speech, he promised to streamline the patent process. And true to his word, he signed the America Invents Act into law last week.

patents boDoes this little desk make my presidency look big?

The first major revision to patent law since 1952, you might think this is just another arcane piece of legislation. Butt since there are people singing it’s praises while others are vehemently condemning it, you can assume that - like most things in Washington - it is exactly the opposite of what it claims to be, and the guys whose lobbyists bought the most tables a our fundraisers got the “win.”

Some think it’s more crony capitalism, while others see it as a tool that will stifle growth and innovation and still others think it may be “patently” unconstitutional (that’s a little patent attorney humor).To be fair, there may have been good intentions involved, but as always, leaving the details to bureaucrats can and will result in unintended consequences. Which of course is why everyone thinks government is all screwed up in the first place. All I know is that Lady M’s industrial strength containment systems have already been patented (here, here and here) and therefore cannot have impacted this legislation in any way.

compression garmentHigh speed industrial containment rails

Beyond that all I can say is that anything that rises to the level of inclusion in one of Big Guy’s patented TOTUS presentations to the nation - especially one to a joint session of Congress - has been bought and paid for in full by someone with a dog in the fight.

Here is a picture of a very proud Big Guy last Thursday, right after he signed the “American Invents Act” at More Science High. You do remember our little Firesign Theatre tutorial in the “Shoes for Industry” post, don’t you? Here’s the More Science High pep rally tape:

magic brain bucketBig Guy at More Science High, watching a demonstration of a new “voters guide” cap.

This is one patent I expect we’ll see fast tracked. Not only does it provide helpful instruction and direction for how to vote in a Presidential election, it also assists you in complying with Big Sis’ directive, “if you see something, say something.”


Screenshot Studio capture #250