Saturday, January 12, 2013

Rats Jump Ship; All that Remains is de Brie.

It’s getting hard to keep up with all the rats abandoning ship around here. It looks like we’ll be rearranging a few of the deck chairs ahead of our historic first, second inauguration.

titanic_deckchairsHere, help me move this a little more to the left

Here’s what we know so far regarding the rats bailing on us: Hillary’s leaving State to “pursue other interests” i.e. making money on the lecture circuit with Bill.  More than likely she’ll be replaced by lantern jawed senior statesman Jean Karré, who finds our military reminiscent of Genghis Kahn. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta is leaving to run his California vineyard and consulting practice, to be replaced by Chuck Hagel who will be responsible for gutting streamlining both the military and Israel. Patraeus has resigned from CIA to write a book; he’ll likely be replaced by John Brennan – if and when Hillary can squeeze her testimony on Benghazi into her lecture schedule. Also departing, Secretary of Labor Hilda “tireless champion for working families” Solis; most likely to cash in lobby for “tirelessly champion” Big Labor.

Let’s just say there is a lot of surplus government cheese out there to be had and our house rats have been adequately trained to know how to snag it.

bo cheesehead“I just think we have to spread the cheese around.”

Butt today, let’s focus on my personal favorite shipmate, Turbo-Tax Timmy:

timmy does he scare you too

Also referred to affectionately around here as “Rat-boy,”

ratboy copy

and “Ratzo”

ratso1 copy


mc1 copyJoe Buck and Ratzo Rizzo, left and right

I understand Timmy is leaving to pursue his own cheese:

investment bankingRatbert get’s a job offer, butt it doesn’t provide enough cheese

Timmy (along with his boss) is best known for demonstrating that qualifications for government jobs are over rated. He has also proved (along with his boss) that - thanks to grade inflation - being the smartest man in the room isn’t an exclusive club anymore.

begging copyThis is the man who’s been in charge of your cheese the past 4 years

The education system being what it is these days, we find it beneficial to provide some additional on-the-job training for incoming recruits:

As you can see, it works pretty well:

tim-geithner-ben-monkey see monkey do dojpg

So I suspect we’ll be offering the training to all incoming team members too, along with Advanced Rat Training 201 and 301:

dilbertAdvanced Rat Training 201

Oh, there will most assuredly be looting:

transferring wealthAdvanced Rat Training 301

mouse-has-cheese1-1bf8sfx  I has a Cheezie! Thanks Boss!


bo and tiny

“Okay Timmy, I’ve taught you everything you know, now get out there and make us some more cheese!”








Let the celebration begin with a little more whine and cheezies:

barick-obama-cheese-400x300The official cheese of our historic first second inauguration

CHAMPAGNE-DEL-TITANIC-BARACK-OBAMA The official champagne of our historic first, second inauguration

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!