It’s getting hard to keep up with all the rats abandoning ship around here. It looks like we’ll be rearranging a few of the deck chairs ahead of our historic first, second inauguration.
Here’s what we know so far regarding the rats bailing on us: Hillary’s leaving State to “pursue other interests” i.e. making money on the lecture circuit with Bill. More than likely she’ll be replaced by lantern jawed senior statesman Jean Karré, who finds our military reminiscent of Genghis Kahn. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta is leaving to run his California vineyard and consulting practice, to be replaced by Chuck Hagel who will be responsible for
gutting streamlining both the military and Israel. Patraeus has resigned from CIA to write a book; he’ll likely be replaced by John Brennan – if and when Hillary can squeeze her testimony on Benghazi into her lecture schedule. Also departing, Secretary of Labor Hilda “tireless champion for working families” Solis; most likely to cash in lobby for “tirelessly champion” Big Labor.
Let’s just say there is a lot of surplus government cheese out there to be had and our house rats have been adequately trained to know how to snag it.
Butt today, let’s focus on my personal favorite shipmate, Turbo-Tax Timmy:
Also referred to affectionately around here as “Rat-boy,”
I understand Timmy is leaving to pursue his own cheese:
Timmy (along with his boss) is best known for demonstrating that qualifications for government jobs are over rated. He has also proved (along with his boss) that - thanks to grade inflation - being the smartest man in the room isn’t an exclusive club anymore.
The education system being what it is these days, we find it beneficial to provide some additional on-the-job training for incoming recruits:
As you can see, it works pretty well:
So I suspect we’ll be offering the training to all incoming team members too, along with Advanced Rat Training 201 and 301:
Oh, there will most assuredly be looting:
“Okay Timmy, I’ve taught you everything you know, now get out there and make us some more cheese!”
Let the celebration begin with a little more whine and cheezies: