It’s in the history books now. Setting a modern day record with more than 5 million votes cast, the winner of the coveted Golden FLOTUS in When Snarks Attack: 6 is . . . “Gerard”!!!
Congratulations Gerard!!! You have won the fame and ovation of millions of MOLs and FOMs around the world and a permanent place in my Snark Hall of Fame.
Gerard’s winning snark "It's clear to me that as long as the editors of Capitol File have faces Nancy will have a place to sit." carried the day and achieved snark immortality.
The cherished Golden FLOTUS is now yours forever, to use and display as you wish.
It was a horse race right down to the wire. My team of ACORN vote counters were up all night. Moments ago Toes certified the results and offered his compliments to Gerard; “It was Chicago style machine politics at its best. He mobilized his base, provided the right mix of voter incentives and got out the vote.”
Congratulations to Janice; you went down swinging girl (I hope you’ll still get those air conditioners working when we get to hell). And congratulations to all the “runners up” and all my loyal, snarky FOMs and MOLs. You are all winners in my book, even if you don’t all get a statue.
For the record, the final vote count was certified by Toes after review of the audited results by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheatum & Howe. The results were as follows:
- Gerard – 1,390,000
- Janice – 1,160,00
- srdem65 – 810,000
- Moright – 290,000
- MiaZagora – 280,000
- Sine Qua Non – 270,000
- PortiaElizabeth – 230,000
- bettyann – 180,000
- Cinderella – 170,000
- Kathy N – 160,000
- Madame DeFarge – 140,000
- chiron – 90,000
In a special shout out to srdem and vereteno, we have received requests to immortalize your snarks “if it zips, it fits” and “we are on correct path comrades” from MOLs who would like to have “tea” mugs so inscribed. What do you think?
Posts
I'd like to thank all the little snarkers.
ReplyDeleteMOTUS,
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the year you should sell a keepsake mug or decorative plate inscribed with all the Golden FLOTUS snarks. Perhaps you could get the Franklin Mint involved and take out an ad in the Sunday newspaper lifestyle supplements. I'm sure you could make some serious money.
Oh boy, now my creative marketing imaginings are running wild. How about a subscription series of limited edition miniature pewter boob belts? You know, one a month with the added bonus of a beautiful display case if you purchase the whole set. Really, the marketing possibilities are endless!
Congrats to Gerard. A snark such as yours deserves many an award.
MOTUS..How about a limited edition set of beautiful "tea" cups inscribed with the buyers choice of favorite snark?
Gerard:
ReplyDeleteAgain, congratulations on your victory
For the full text of Gerard’s acceptance speech (done without teleprompter), please visit American Digest
Cinderella:
OMG, OMG, OMG your product and marketing ideas have my head spinning!!!
What great ideas!!!
I’m going to be up all night dreaming about being “too big to fail”!!!!
Big capitalist pig “Oink”!!!!!
MOTUS, a question, isn't Gerald a guy? And isn't he the first guy to win a Golden FLOTUS?
ReplyDeleteThis is big. Even bigger than the boob belt.
Congratulations!
Mrs. P
Congratulations Gerard! Not only for the big win but also for breaking the glass ceiling here at MOTUS! Because of your bravery and superb snarkiness, in the days to come I think we'll see many more male snarks...all of course are welcome. Balance is so healthy.
ReplyDeleteMOTUS, I hope you'll add on the special glass ceiling mention to his Golden FLOTUS. BTW, when I won my award, I was traveling under another name (AnnieCarmel)...may I (someday because I know how busy you are with the store and all) have my Golden FLOTUS re-inscribed with my real snark name? It would mean so much...OR...in line with Cinderella's marketing ideas, maybe we could purchase a mug with our Golden FLOTUS image on it? Too much? Ah well...ideas for the future.
Mrs. P...you are right. It's a new day/era here at MOTUS! Very big (unless, of course, some of the Anon's are male snarks)! If so, I hope Gerard's obvious high self-esteem and lack of insecurity will encourage them to come out from the shadows.
ReplyDeleteBoob belts are officially so yesterday.
Congrats to Gerard.
ReplyDeleteMOTUS, you may use "if it zips, it fits" as you wish. I cannot take credit for the phrase as one of my offspring (in a micro-mini skirt that she couldn't sit down while wearing) told me that I was a MOL who didn't understand fashion. In her defense, she was at that time a size 3 and looked OK, but a little slutty.
Madame,
ReplyDelete..."Boob belts are officially so yesterday."
Yes, that's why it's important to own a set of beautifully hand painted pewter miniatures complete with lovely display case. Who would ever want to forget the indelible mark our very own "icon" has made on the world of fashion?
Perhaps a special edition of the MO action figure that has sets of boob belts and wighats. The possibilities are endless. Though I have a guy name, I'm a MOL through and through --just thought the name was amusing
ReplyDeleteMrs. P:
ReplyDeleteWell, yes, Gerard is a guy. A MOD to be exact (Mean Old Dude). But he isn’t the first MOD to win the coveted Golden FLOTUS. Our second Golden FLOTUS winner, chiron, is also a MOD. And well versed in Latin too.
And I hope we can agree, nothing is bigger than Lady M's boob belt.
Madame:
I’m sorry about not celebrating the shattering of the glass ceiling back when chiron Won. My bad.
I am never too busy to support one of my best MOLs. I have just updated your Golden FLOTUS in my world famous Snark Hall of Fame.
Lady M will be heart broken if her boob belt statement is over.
srdem:
Thank you sooo much. I will add it to the product line this weekend. And please pass along my thanks to your offspring too. If she can maintain that little touch of “slutty”, she will be on her way to a possible FLOTUS gig herself someday.
Cinderella:
Oh, you are good! When I get to be “too big to fail”, will you be my marketing director?
Stand Up Chuck:
It’s a great MOL name and you are filled with great marketing ideas too. How many marketing directors can one mirror have?
chiron is a Mean Old Dude?
ReplyDeleteAll this time I thought chiron was a Parisian who enjoyed her apres Hermes cocktail at Harry's.
Mrs. P
chiron...as in Chicago Ron...or what? How did I miss that? Oh well, so much for glass ceilings. They are officially so yesterday...ha ha.
ReplyDeleteStill, exciting now that we have two (?) MOD's. What happened to our humorless troll? MOTUS with MOL's and MOD's as your FOM's and a troll visit now and then, you have reached for the stars and have arrived in the big time.
Mrs. P & Madame:
ReplyDeleteHere is my evidence:
1- chiron comment ". . . since I not only was educated by the Jesuits for umpteen years, I was also in the seminary . . ."
2- chiron comment reporting “insider info” from “Beantown” on election night “. . . Late last night a group of us boys headed over to Brown headquarters to get some champagne and to see if we could touch that truck. . .”
So, ipso fatso, I conclude that chiron is indeed a MOD. Perhaps if he is still visiting, he can confirm that he was indeed the dude who shattered the glass ceiling.
As for our little troll, I don’t know what has become of it? I miss our troll too. Trolls are people too ... sort of.
MOTUS,
ReplyDeleteI'm now thinking a line of artisan crafted sterling silver boob belt replicas for the wrist would be a smart move on your part. Good grief girl, you could be the next David Yurman!
Congrats to Gerard!
ReplyDeleteMOTUS
Five million votes--wow! Just think how many more votes will come in after Big Guy shoves amnasty down our throats. Let's see, that should bring in about fifteen million votes from undocumented democrats aka illegal immigrants.
Mj
Congratulations, Gerard. May you snark forever onward in the footsteps of all the great snarkers, including my very favorite, Dorothy Parker, who immortalized the witty, "Brevity is the soul of lingerie," and which our fetid FLOTUS expounds upon.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Gerard. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was little, I had a big Barbie head with makeup and hair brushes, bows, etc. It was for playing putting makeup on, making hairstyles, etc. Maybe we could make one of MOO? Complete with a set of wighats and weaves to put in her hair. Great for all the little wee wons out there who idolize MOO. And, someone mentioned action figures. How about a miniature lifelike replica of MOO with her outfits to match. Just like Barbie? Except instead of cute bikinis or evening gowns, we could have a collection of green and metallic shoes, OTK boots, ugly accessories and clothes that would barely fit the doll. Just a thought......BTW, Congratulations Gerard!!
ReplyDeleteCinderella:
ReplyDeleteSome could be silver and some could be made of those old bones we found in Mexico. We can even create or save some Mexican jobs!
I might qualify for some porkulus money!!!
MJ:
Yea, we came in just under 5 Mill the last time. There’s more MOLs and MODs out there than Gallup polling would suggest ... either that, or we’re learning our Chicago rules.
I think you see why amnesty is taking up a big spot on our plate.
bettyann:
Please don’t get MO started on lingerie again! My circuits just can’t take it.
BTW, how are the little campfire kids?
Janice:
Sorry you came in second sweetie. This doesn’t reduce your commitment to air conditioning hell, does it?
It just shows what a well oiled Chicago style machine can do in an election. You are a great snarker, and I know you’ll be back in the hunt real soon. Tweet me and I’ll send you Toes “Tips On Winning An Election, Chicago Style”.
Kathy N:
I still have one of those Barbie heads! I get it out to help re-focus my images of what a girl “should” look like.
That 3D MO dressup set is a great idea. Raj and I are still working to perfect our 2D (aka flatsimile) Lady M cyber-dress-up cutout game which debuted here as a free download last year in Fashion Forward Takes A Look Back. The problem is that in order to play, you have to have some Adobe Photoshop software because it is a “PSD” file thingy or whatever.
Raj is working hard to fix it so everybody can play, but he can only work on it in short bursts, before his eyes start to swell up. Even as a “NOT anatomically correct” doll, the undressed MO is really hard on biological eyes.
Madame:
ReplyDeleteI am sooo sorry I didn't respond to your idea of getting your Golden Flotus on a mug. I was hurrying to update your GF with your new handle and, I must admit, I was a little overwhelmed by all of Cinderella's great ideas. Especially the subscription sets: "OINK".
I haven't tested the GF on any products yet, and I want to make sure that it trans-images from screen to mug properly first. It's kind of a complicated pseudo-3D-flatsimile image (butt made of pure 24k cyber-gold of course).
If it does, and I think it should, then of course, any Golden Flotus winner can have her or his GF inscribed onto any product in my special "Private Showroom of Beauty".
I just love my new job as capitalist pig!!!
"OINK"
Kudos to Gerard!
ReplyDelete