Tuesday, March 26, 2013

So Let It Be Written: Mazel Tov!

Last night, the Wons continued their historic tradition of celebrating Passover with a modern, stylized, non-traditional Seder in the Big White. Big Guy, sans beanie, and Lady M joined a select group of powerful and rich friends in Big White’s “Old Family Dining Room” for the historic event.


“Hey, Michelle: watch where you’re pointing that.”

Who was there? Well, most of them are secret, butt I can tell you that ValJar, Axe-Man and Mrs. Axe-Man were there, along with Ben Rhodes, Deputy National Security Advisor for Strategic Communications who invented the famous euphemism, “kinetic military action,” or KMA, to described Big Guy’s use of military force in Libya. As far as I know, Benji hasn’t come up with any snappy euphemisms to describe Big Guy’s refusal to use military force in Benghazi to save U.S. Ambassador Christopher Stevens, former Navy Seals Tyrone Woods and Glen Doherty, and Foreign Service Officer Sean Smith. Big Guy had to do do that on his own: “Bumps in the road.”

image001Author Unknown  (h/t: calamity jane)

Each guest was provided a copy of the Maxwell House Haggadah, which provides plain-language readings. Which is perfect because, without TOTUS, Big Guy’s a very...uh...uh...plain…uh…language...uh...kind of...uh...guy.

maxwell-house“Good to the last drop”

Most of you are familiar with the traditional Passover Seder, so I’m just going to touch on a few of the transformative elements of Big Guy’s interpretation.

Traditionally, an extra place is set for Elijah the Prophet. It is said the Elijah will bring the Messiah so a place is reserved to make Elijah welcome hoping that he will bring the Messiah. I think you can see the problem: the new “messiah” is already here. So, to emphasize this fact, Big Guy, in the role of Lincoln, leads the reading of the Emancipation Proclamation before allowing the Prophet Elijah to join in the fun. Do you see how slickly this transmogrifies the central meaning of Passover to the American shame of black people still in shackles. Now that’s transformational! And historic!

Never Won to be upstaged in the trend setting, transformation department, Lady M added her own twist on Big Guy’s Seder toast. While Big Guy and guests raised glasses of Manny (his affectionate term for Manischewitz, fortified Kosher wine), Lady M hoisted a Mazel Tov Cocktail (3 ounces Manischewitz, 1 1/2 ounces Gin, twist of lime). How cool is that?

mazeltov_cocktailMazel Tov!

Big Guy always says that if he and MO had Jewish children, they would look pretty much like the Wee Wons, so, in the past, the Wee Wons have performed duties of Jewish children, asking four, modern, non-traditional questions about the evening’s purpose and, later, pointlessly searching for the afikomen, a piece of matzah that has been hidden at the White House.

cainele-de-apa-portughez-poza-3Little Bo always finds the afikomen first

In past years, Big Guy’s favorite questions were prepared by the National Jewish Democratic Council:

  1. Why has President Obama provided record amounts of military aid to Israel?”;
  2. “Why has President Obama worked so hard and succeeded at uniting the world against Iran’s illicit nuclear weapons program?”;
  3. “Why has President Obama achieved the historic passage of ‘Obamacare’”?; and,
  4. “Why has President Obama fought to strengthen Medicare and Medicaid?”

This year, however, the Wee Wons were not in attendance having reportedly been assigned to participate in a classified, offshore, spring break assignment. Mr. Claire Shipman would not comment on the whereabouts of the Wee Wons, butt did confirm that wherever they are, they participated in a respectful, “non-traditional” Seder. Due to the classified nature of the “assignment,” there are no photos of the Wee Wons private Seder, butt here, in its place, is an artists rendering of the event:


As for the menu, Obama Foodorama described it best:

The White House chefs, led by Executive Chef Cris Comerford and Executive Pastry Chef Bill Yosses, use family recipes provided by the guests to create a menu that in the past has been dubbed "kosher style" by White House aides rather than strictly kosher. This year's feast included matzoh ball soup, beef brisket, carrot souffle and noodle kugel, with a meringue with raspberry ganache for dessert. (Above, a detail of the matzoh and floral arrangement, with the Maxwell House Haggadahs atop place settings)
Traditional Passover red wine was served, and a stack of whole wheat matzoh was piled high on a gold-rimmed plate. The eggs, bitter herbs, lamb shank and haroset that are part of the traditional seder were also offered. Chef Comerford typically uses vegetables from Mrs. Obama's Kitchen Garden, but it's been bitterly cold in Washington recently, and on Monday it snowed.

p031113lj-0069Lady M and Little Bo fetch bitter herbs from the Organic Garden of Good & Evil

And last, butt certainly not least, the event everyone was waiting for: Big Guy’s wildly popular, historic performance, “playing” the role of Pharaoh:

He’s a natural!

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and  kcrouch on twitter, and  BlogsLucianneLoves, and Free Republic, Thanks!

Cross-Posted on Patriot Action Network