It Takes Won to know One: we take our Wonsies on the Road

It’s official: Lady M is going to serve as the public face of Team Obama’s our new grass-roots mobilizing effort “It Takes One.”

(Also available in our Spanish sub-titled version)

Did she just call “you people” toads !?

Maybe I’m reading too much into this urgent plea, butt it sounds to me like Lady M is suggesting that young couples - in addition to having their friends and family donate their wedding present to Team Obama – 

now spend their honeymoon soliciting votes for Big Guy too: 

Anxious to get started, prior to the impending Virginia crusade, Michelle taped and released an inspirational "It Takes One" video message.  Hoping to goad Obama supporters into action, Mrs. Obama opened the video reminiscing about her husband's first campaign for the Illinois legislature when, as mere newlyweds, Shelley and Barry "would take friends along" on romantic outings, where they would all "collect petition signatures to get Obama on the ballot."

I’m not so sure that will work as well for typical newlyweds as it did BO and MO. After all, not everyone is cut out to sacrifice the way the Wons have.

This new emphasis on the individual is an interesting twist in our campaign philosophy which, up till now, was more like Hillary’s “It takes a Village”storybook. And frankly it seems a bit counter-productive given Big Guy’s recent position that “you didn’t do that yourself.” Butt who am I to question our big brained campaign staff?

Who is that icon with the chart? A Doctor handing out the blue pills? “Just take one?”

Not exactly inspired signage, if you ask me. It reminds me way too much of those slippery floor warning signs:

 

(Also available in Spanish)

 

No piso-ing allowed

MO is just asking that everyone recruit one new volunteer, or one new voter to vote for BO in November:

“That one conversation you have, that one new volunteer you recruit, that could be the difference between waking up on Nov. 7 and feeling the promise of four more years or asking yourself, ‘Could I have done more?’”

That’s definitely a thought worth reflecting on.

Anyway, I guess this is just an extension of some of our previous “onesies” campaigns:

Onesies for baby (also available in Spanish)

Onesies for Baracky

Butt since were talking about the WONsies, I should mention that there’s been another disturbing security leak: someone leaked information on Lady M’s up-till-now super-secret onesie containment system:

Life, time and gravity change your body...sometimes no matter how much you exercise or watch what you eat, it's hard to reverse the effects. Playtex have come up with the perfect solution to body blips with their new generation of active shapewear, which immediately shapes the figure and creates a visible reduction around the thighs, hips and waist.

It’s a miracle, for sure:

“The underwear works using Acti-Mineral ceramic crystals that are woven into the fibers of the fabric.”

And they work great. When applied correctly.

The worst part of this latest, huge security leak is that I’m afraid it means we’ve lost all moral authority with respect to the temple underwear controversy.

                                   

And now that August is right around the corner; you know - the month when everyone in Washington gets all wee-weed up -

I’m just going to go out on a limb and predict that we’re going to have to change our WONsies. Soon.

Now let’s get out there and win WON for the Gipper!

When I was WON I had just begun

Butt there’s no point wandering around the forest, or beating around the “Bush” – let’s just get right to the point:

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

WTF 2012 Update: The New “Inflation”

I knew the lack of business experience in Big Guy’s administration would eventually get us in trouble. So here it is: we’re running a deficit. No – not THE deficit:

H/T Jim Hoft

No, we’re talking about Big Guy’s personal campaign deficit.

Amid a heavy barrage of advertising by opposing “super” political groups, President Barack Obama’s re-election campaign spent more than it collected in June.

I don’t know if they realize it yet or not, butt this type of spending can’t go on forever. Obama 2012 is not like the government, they can’t just have the Bernanke perform a little “quantitative easing”

What do you say we ease those seams out a little for you? Give us a little more wiggle room.

So this just can’t go on. Somebody in Campaign Central -

No, it says right here: two “o” s

is just going to have to learn how to use that calculator ap.

“Learn more about this ap”

We can’t continue to rent space we aren’t going to use. Not only is it expensive, butt it looks bad when you pay to rent a 20 thousand seat arena for your campaign kickoff and half the people you hired to attend are no-shows.

Guarding all the empty seats at Ohio State’s Jerome Schottenstein Center

It's a campaign faux pas to hold an event in a room that isn't full; to promise the media a more-than-capacity crowd then fall this far short of that promise is utter incompetence.

May 5, Campaign Kickoff at Ohio State: Sure looks lonely up in the balcony

Butt being the trooper she is, Lady M doesn’t let the incompetence effect her performance

Butt make no mistake, she wasn’t happy with the incompetent

Still, it’s not too late to WTF. We still have a cool $97 million in the bank. Of course, at our current burn rate, that’s only 2 and half months worth of expenses - and that’s before we have to buy votes for the actual election. So, we’re looking for ways to be more frugal. The first thing we did was start charging Lady M’s expenses to “administrative fees” instead of the campaign, although she’ll continue to pick up the charges for personal items such as gum, mints and pocket tissue herself.

So although our 2012  WTF: FORWARD kickoff got off to a rocky start at Ohio State by spending $93 thousand dollars to rent a stadium that held twice as many people as showed up, the Big Brains have a plan. The Old-School way of “If you rent it, they will come” doesn’t work, so they’ve developed a New-School way. It’s a much more cost effective and reliable way to fill our seats. Instead of relying on fickle Democrats humans, we’re going with the all new, virtual composite crowd butts (VCCB). That’s right! It’s the Amazing Inflatable Crowd! Used in over 80 movies and TV shows, they are now making their realistic inflatables available to Big Guy to WTF. As explained in their promo materials:

“We provide an unparalleled level of detail customized to match the look of your crowd including everything necessary to blend the inflatables in seamlessly among the real, non-inflatable extras.”  (H/T Charlie)

Wow! “They’ll even match the look of your crowd!”

Can you tell which ones are real, and which ones are inflatable? Me either!

And you’ll be happy to know that Inflatable Crowd has successfully defended themselves against a patent lawsuit filed against them in 2007 by Crowd in a Box as documented in the Hollywood Reporter article: Judge Dismisses Crowd Dummy Case.

So based on the verdict in the Dummy case, Team Obama has gone ahead and generated their own “Inflatable Barry.”  Since we all know you can’t be in two places at once even if you have super powers, and we’ve got a lot of money to raise, we’ve created a cost effective solution with nothing more than a thin-skinned facsimile that’s filled with air.

This allows Team Obama 2012 to conduct multiple, synchronized fundraisers (because time’s a fleetin’). You can Rent-a-Barry inflatable for a fraction of the cost of the real thing to address your group or organization and help us raise money for Big Guy’s reelection. We’ll even throw in a TOTUS 2 model to ensure a realistic presentation.

So don’t delay, contact our Team Obama Inflated HOPE and CHANGE Dream Team today to line up the Barry of your choice for a very reasonable rate, before all the good dates are gone:

                 

Select a Barry-Inflatable that blends in best with your group 

                

(NOTE: price does not include the reasonable and customary processing, shipping and handling fees)

So let’s get going out there: less than 4 months left! And we still need what ever money you’ve got left. Don’t let the Republicans stop what we’ve already got planned for your great-grandchildren’s future.

And don’t forget: you could still win a dinner with Lady M and Big Guy: the real thing or the inflatable facsimiles – your choice.

Linked By: BlogsLucianneLoves, and Lalaa Land on facebook, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!

Saturday Week in Review

I didn’t see the normal Friday night news dump this week. I guess we figured there was already enough negative news floating around this week to make our usual “bad-news Friday” unnecessary.

Just on the economic front alone it was an awesome week: 

1. Weekly jobless claims shot up to 386,000.

2. Foreclosures are hitting our most vulnerable citizens.

3. Factory activity contracted for a second month in a row.

4. Home sales dropped a whopping 5.4% -- the biggest drop in nine months.

5. Retail sales dropped for the third straight month.

6. Consumer confidence dipped to 84.7.

7. U.S. business inventories increased by .3%...

8. …sales dropped .1%.

9. Food prices are skyrocketing. [I swear, if those peanut butter and mayonnaise jars get any smaller, Lady M’s going to have to order them by the case lot]

10. More Americans are getting federal disability than jobs.

 

Plus, I see that unemployment rose in 27 of the 57 states last month. How can that be good for our team? We better get the spinners back in the game, because it might be time for a good story right about now.

That’s a lot of bad news that would normally need to go in the spin cycle for days,

butt as I mentioned yesterday, we are grateful for the distraction created by that Tea Party guy (h/t ABC’s George Steffannnoapolistishire??) in Colorado. That pretty much makes all this bad news disappear – heck, all the cable news shows are still 24/7 on the Dark Knight.

Even Big Guy and the presumed Republican candidate (PRC) suspended campaigning (although Big Guy only did it because Romney did) and addressed the situation.

First BO, who - in that special way he has - managed to personalize this tragedy, thereby making it feel more heartfelt:

My daughters go to the movies. What if Malia and Sasha had been at the theater, as so many of our kids do every day? Michelle and I will be fortunate enough to hug our girls a little tighter tonight, and I’m sure you will do the same with your children. But for those parents who may not be so lucky, we have to embrace them and let them know we will be there for them as a nation.

Of course, if the Wee Wons had been there, their SS guardians would have mowed the dirtbag down with their uzis the moment he walked out from behind the screen. Too bad somebody in the audience at theater 9 wasn’t packin’ an uzi. Never leave home without one!

Anyway, when BO was done emoting, his fans immediately began chanting “4 more years!” - because who wouldn’t want a narcissist genuine guy like this as their president?

When you’re a rock star like BO you just have to get used to that sort of reaction, no matter how inappropriate:

Meanwhile, our spin-meisters note that PRC Romney just phones it in:

“Our hearts break with the sadness of this unspeakable tragedy. Ann and I join the president and first lady and all Americans in offering our deepest condolences to those whose lives were shattered in a few moments, a few moments of evil in Colorado,”

How impersonal, aloof, out of touch, can you get? Speaking of evil, at a time like this? And God. Inappropriate.

“The Apostle Paul explained: Blessed be God who comforteth us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble.”

Did I mention that Romney is a Mormon? I’ll bet he’s rich too – something that really bothers typical white women with big brains like Cher:

That’s probably why she felt it necessary to cast aspersion on Mitt’s mental abilities and compassion, in addition to his faith and wealth.

Apparently she didn’t actually watch Big Guy deliver his remarks; he’s pretty wedded to those lectern notes of his when TOTUS isn’t around. Not that there’s anything wrong with that; unless you consider it to be a sign of weak mental capacity and insincerity if you don’t speak off the top of your head, like Cher does.

Since the head bobbing up and down is even more distracting than the head bobbing from left to right, I think it best to go back to reading everything as it scrolls smoothly over TOTUS’ screen. Then you look and sound really smart. Just like an actor.

I, Caesar

BTW - and speaking of Big Brains - I wonder which one of them decided to put TOTUS on administrative leave? Bad idea.

I know I’ve given Lady M short shrift lately due to all the other news, frankly I thought you might enjoy the break after the full Brazilian, butt I’ll try to do better next week.

Till then, let’s all just enjoy MO’s big day out in Philly, hawking the virtues of No Child’s Fat Behind.

Lady M looks great butt I’d like to give a shout out to Kathleen Sibelius: “Hey Kitty! Your age is showing, cover those knees. And it wouldn’t hurt to put a few pounds on those skinny bones. I know we’re all about ‘no fat behinds’ butt you’re starting to look a little anorexic.” I HOPE she finds that helpful.

 

Love the little blue chef hats, butt that big old blue flour sack…not so much.

Here we can examine Lady M’s little eye up close and personal: what’s up with that?

Th-th-th-

 

That’s all Folks!

 

Linked By: BigFurHat on iOwnTheWorld, and Larwyn’s Linx on Doug Ross@Journal, and Key West Reader on HotAir, and Washington76 on PJMEDIA, and sb on Weasel Zippers, and Washington on The Economic Collapse, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Patty on Gateway Pundit, and MJHAWKEYE, Thanks!

The truth is out there. But sometimes it’s a Composite.

We’re working through our response to the latest vicious Romney attack ads. Here’s what we’ve got so far:

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil: the new Obama 2012 campaign slogan¹

Hear no evil. Just don’t listen:

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: “They’ll have a bunch of ads with the scary voices and you know, most of what you hear you can just go mute. Just press the mute button. That’s a good thing about the remote. Or you can use the DVR and fast forward.

See no evil. Just refuse to see what you think you saw:

The president's supporters have a multipronged counterargument: Either he didn't make those comments or they were taken out of context or even if they are in context they don't matter because we should be reading between the lines.(snip)

A commenter on Emily Ekins' post last night goes even further, condemning the "intellectual dishonesty it takes to believe that's what he said.

To which author Tim Cavanaugh replies: "So I'll bite: What should we believe he said, other than what he in fact said? "

Thank you Tim, that’s a good lead-in for our next and final strategy:

Speak no evil: This one is the trickiest so far, especially since we’ve already tried the old “it was taken out of context” trick and couldn’t get enough air to fly a paper airplane. In fact, Mrs. P argues that:

“…the context makes the quote worse, not better.”

Obama’s utter contempt for the idea that people deserve to prosper due to the fruits of their own labors and their own skills is made even deeper and more apparent from the entire quote...

This presented a bit of a dilemma given the fact that once you’ve let the truth horse out of the barn it’s always harder to claim you’ve solved the problem by going back in the barn and closing the door. Butt after days of noodling and strategizing, here’s what the Big Brained Dream Team come up with: “He didn’t say that! No, really! He didn’t!”

Up till now - no matter how ridiculous on it’s face - if it was uttered by our silver-tongued devil it was taken on its face to be brilliant and our lapdogs would jump through hoops to prove it. Since even they’re having a little trouble with this one, BBDT decided that step one was to send BO out to claim he didn’t say that! This will push the silver-tongue myth to the brink, butt I think he can pull it off. It’s just a slight variation on the Emperor’s New Clothes fairy tale, and that one’s still working for us.

Step two: our Truth Team launched an ad calling Romney a liar for daring to use our own words against us. I guess it’s a pretty good ad, butt when Little Mo ran it through the MOTUS truth-o-lator it spit out a slightly different version. If you insist on your truth being perfectly clear and completely transparent you may want to watch the MOTUS composite version of the campaign ad:

Let me make this perfectly clear: Romney said that Big Guy said “if you’ve got a business, you didn’t  build that. Somebody else made that happen.” When what Big Guy actually said was “if you’ve got a business, that, you didn’t  build that. Somebody else made that happen.

Did you see how “that” worked? Romney clearly misquoted Big Guy and took his words out of context by dropping “that” superfluous non-fluency “that” Big Guy inserted. (Note to self: we have got to get TOTUS back in the game.)

Anyway, if this new attack campaign doesn’t do the trick, we’ll just have to change the subject. I can’t believe I’m saying this, butt thank goodness for that distraction in Colorado. We’ll be making the most of that later today to once again put Big Guy’s humanity and empathy on display and to ask for a reinstallation of civility in America. And to remind everyone why the Second Amendment is really not such a good idea after all.

Now, in unrelated news, it seems that the freak October snowstorm that knocked out power for days across the the Northeast last year has resulted in a mini-baby boom, with maternity wards all up and down the Atlantic seaboard being unusually busy this week. Big Guy issued a statement earlier today issuing congratulations to the new parents, butt reminding them that “you didn’t do that on your own, Mother Nature did that.”

¹Troll note: I chose these cute little black AND white penguins instead of the racist chimps conventionally used to illustrate this aphorism. You’re welcome.

Linked By: Mother124 on NewsBusters, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and BadBlue, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, and Mireille Buser on twitter, Thanks!

The Case of the Composite Birth Certificate

There are 8 million stories in the naked city.

Some of the naked city’s naked statuary at DuPont Circle

And we all know how much Big Guy loves a good story:

I call this story “The Case of the Composite Birth Certificate.” And according to Sheriff Arpaio, it’s not just a figure of speech:

Investigators for an Arizona sheriff's volunteer posse have declared that President Barack Obama's birth certificate is definitely fraudulent.

Members of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio's posse said in March that there was probable cause that Obama's long-form birth certificate released by the White House in April 2011 was a computer-generated forgery.

Now, Arpaio says investigators are positive it's fraudulent.

Mike Zullo, the posse's chief investigator, said numeric codes on certain parts of the birth certificate indicate that those parts weren't filled out, yet those sections asking for the race of Obama's father and his field of work or study were completed.

Meanwhile, across town, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and Debbie Wasserman (aka “Sargent”) Schultz have all coalesced around the demand that Mitt Romney release all of his tax returns, not just the ones required by federal law. They want them all the way back to his days as a – supposedly – struggling young student at BYU in order to allow their crack tax forensics audit team to comb through them looking for any and all possible irregularities that Turbo Tax didn’t catch. And to point out that he’s R.I.C.H., unlike Nancy, Harry and Debbie. That way we can get that whole 99% vs the 1% thing going again without actually having to embrace the Occupiers. They’ve proven themselves to be a tad unreliable with the “values-voters” category. That wouldn’t normally have been a problem, butt in an election year some of these voters in swing states tend to get a little queasy about all the drug use, rape, theft and general hooliganism going on in the Occupier camps. So this is a much cleaner way to tee up class warfare.

And make no mistake: the R-Words are making this a class war!

Butt the gang of 3 would like you to know that this is not a partisan position; they would demand the same from any and all other candidates as well. Other than themselves of course: when asked to release all their tax records, their spokespersons indicated that they have released “full financial disclosure required under the law.” Which I guess is good enough to qualify you for a job as former Speaker of the House and Minority Leader,  Senate Majority Leader and Chairman of the DNC, butt not, according to Harry, good enough to qualify you for  dog catcher. If you’re Mitt Romney that is. Or not a Democrat.

Funny, isn’t it?  If someone other than Donald Trump had been half as interested in BHO’s life story back in 2008 as they are in Mitt Romney’s tax records from back when he was saving the Olympics we never would have been able to fundamentally change America in Big Guy’s image and likeness.  So I’m just saying: be careful what you ask for.

Just a little food for thought: if we would have had this “story”

Instead of this “story:”

back in ‘08, we might not have this “story” now:

Tracking Food Stamp usage in the United States: guaranteed 100% fraud free

h/t Doug Ross

Just for the record, both the Donald and the Sheriff are still making a big stink about Big Guy’s records. And believe me when I tell you we are going to do all we can to keep you focused on the topics we choose. And, despite what you might read at Lady Liberty 1885’s blog, those topics do not include the cost of some of Lady M’s little mini-vacays.

So for the last time: we HAVE the original Certificate of Live Birth. What more do you want from us?

As I said at the beginning: there are a million stories in the naked city; this is just one of them. Want another?  We’ve got more:

You keep demanding more, and we’ll keep delivering more:

Be sure to tune in next week.We’ve already got a lot more episodes in the can, butt we’re still tinkering around with a name for the series.

Linked By: Clarice on JustOneMinute, and  Blonde Gator on NewsBusters, and BlogsLucianneLoves, and MRM on twitter, and TelePromptOTUS on twitter, and NOBO2012 on Free Republic, Thanks!