Thursday, August 19, 2010

Iraq: Vacated. The Rock: Vacation

Finally! Our vacation! It seems like we’ve been waiting for this day for ever!

Everyone here at Big White is walking on eggshells. Big Guy’s getting it in the keister, Lady M’s in one of her moods and TOTUS and I are left to deal with it. Everyone - Toes, Axe-Man, Gibbsy and even JoeyB - are pulling the  ninja invisibility act, just hoping to stay under the radar until our departure.

I think it boils down to the heat. Not alGore’s Global Warming heat, butt the kind imposed on us by an ungrateful, formerly supportive media, and the other haters in flyover country. For the first time in her life, Lady M’s not proud of his poll numbers.

First, as reported by my bud Dewey From Detroit, there was MoDodo’s racist rant throwing Big Guy under the bus with Granny Dunham and Jeremiah Wright, and  practically smootching GEORGE W. BUSH! (I’ll have more on this disturbing incident later today.)

So Lady M has pretty much taken it easy this week, resting up for our vacay. None of the usual grueling speechifying about kid’s fat behinds or expressing her sincere gratitude to any of our little people for the work they do for us. Of course, she did have to pack for our vacation, which is grueling in itself. We’ve barely had time to unpack from the last two.amo ice


Big Guy’s week so far hasn’t been quite as easy. He’s been on the road bashing the Party of NO, dodging questions about the Hamasque that he was for before he was against, and trumpeting his own accomplishments.

First and foremost on the list of accomplishments is the triumphant end of Bush’s Iraq War. In fact, our first planned celebration on the Rock (that’s what we insiders call Martha’s Vineyard – I’ve no idea why) will be a toast to Big Guy for delivering on his promise: pulling our combat troops out of Iraq by August 31. We also have celebrations scheduled for all of the other promises he’s delivered on. So far it’s a light schedule.

So I think everyone needs a vacation this year: Lady M is still exhausted from her trip to stimulate the Spanish economy, and Big Guy – well he’s been stressed on more fronts than he knew he had.

And all this constant stress is taking a toll on their health. You can tell by looking at their hair:

  royal smoochfuzzywuzzywasabear 

Both Lady M and Big Guy’s hair show signs of stress, causing all sorts of broken ends and an undefined but obvious fuzziness.

I’m wondering if we shouldn’t have those organic vegetables from the Big White garden checked again.


OMG! Is that a bald spot?!!!! 


bo creepy

You must admit: this man looks like he needs a vacation (not Senator Nelson).

But the worse stress of all has been caused by the brutal criticism we’ve been getting for our vacation(s). Maybe everybody has forgotten about all the work for the American little people we’ve done just over the last couple of weeks. Let me refresh your feeble memories:


 amaine DV811752

Maine                                      Spain


  1. We went to inspect our national park in Acadia Maine.
  2. Lady M just returned from a grueling overseas trip to end racism and repair the damage our predecessor did to our relationship with Spain. Actually, this whole trip was brought on by stress: Big Guy forgot that he was not, repeat NOT, supposed to invite Oprah to his birthday party in Chicago. We could not let that faux pas pass without consequences. (H/T Clarice). Boy, that little screw up on BO’s part cost the tax payers a ton of money.
  3. While we were working in Spain, Big Guy repaired the damage our predecessor did to our relationship with the NBA by shooting hoops with LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Bill Russell and Magic Johnson. And he had a birthday party with Oprah.
  4. No sooner did we get our feet back on American soil when we were once again whisked away to Florida’s oil soaked beaches to show our solidarity with the little people suffering tremendous economic loss due to George Bush’s oil spill, and to have lunch.

I’ve got to run, I think I hear Marine Won landing! I’ll have much more later from the Rock, baby!