A Giant Among Women

They might be giants, butt still Lady M towers above them

No, Not Lady M. Although she does seem to stand head and shoulders above the rest of the field, doesn’t she? Gathered here to celebrate – well, even I can’t even keep track of all these overlapping celebration/anniversary/award programs anymore. Maybe I’m coming down with a virus.

Anyway MO and Hil  gave awards to many courageous women from around the world in honor of the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day.

What’s odd about this is that Iran didn’t have a woman receiving one of Lady M’s “International Women of Courage” awards – even though Iran just took it’s place on the U.N.’s Commission on the Status of Women’s Rights. I think they had a nominee, butt she may still be in prison, awaiting her ritual stoning to death. Maybe now that Iran is officially on the committee they’ll commute her sentence to life in prison at hard labor and let her out next year in order to attend our ceremony.

We chose not to address the awkward situation with Iran because, well, because it would be awkward. Butt don’t worry: our former friend and ally, Benjamin Netanyahu, issued a pithy statement on the appointment of Iran to the commission:

"this displays ignorance. Iran continues to stone women and prevent rights from both women and men."

Like I said, pithy. Benji can pretty much say anything he wants: nobody likes him any way.

So while Israel is left to deal with this thorny situation too, let’s turn our attention instead to the new, softer side of MO that Koopie, our new dresser is pushing:

Just a couple of giggly girls

I really like the Lanvin frock, soft, drapey plum fabric with just the right touch of understated hardware:

Fabulous detail! Designer zipper, surprising amidst the soft folds.

Butt I suspect you can see the problem immediately: the shoulder drape works well enough on emaciated arms; butt on fabulously toned biceps: not so much.

 

And the draping in silhouette is not as successful as we might have HOPEd either. Butt Hil seems to like it.

 Hmmm; so that’s where all those folds went

Butt again, as you can see, it may just be camera angle distortion. Point of view is very important. It’s a huge complicating factor, and makes my job so challenging.

  Never let someone shoot you from below the chin line. Ever. I thought we’d covered this when Hil was FLOTUS

Later in the evening Koopie re-draped us in a sparkly tweed short sleeved suit to celebrate the 100 year anniversary of International Women’s Day in the East Room:

We added our lucky bangles and prayed that someday women, who make up nearly half of America’s workforce, will finally reach wage parity with men.  “We gotta get paid more for it,” she told the audience, to applause. So we can pay more taxes too.

I think I’m going to prepare my pitch for a raise again. Toes promised me one before he left, butt as usual with this bunch, it was just an empty promise.

PS. Koopie got a raise. I think it was for teaching Lady M how to stand more like a lady:

We’re working on sitting next: a much larger challenge.

WTF: Now Accepting Applications

Apparently there have been some contests going on around here that I was not advised of.

First, I guess people weren’t satisfied with the name Big Guy personally picked for our new Big White brewski. This fine product has been made possible through the hard work of our very own little worker bees –  no - not Obamacare. I’m talking about our honey ale:

Some argue that it should technically be called mead. Butt despite the ingredients and chemical composition of the brew, we had Congress deem it to be something else. Because it sounds more appealing and will be easier to sell this way. And no, I’m still not talking about Obamacare.

Anyway, I see they held a contest over at iOTW to give it a more manly name. Here are the finalists, and it looks like the winner was “Dolt 44,” although I personally favored “Clingers Bitter” – which has a little more panache, I think.

This isn’t the first time Big White has taken a run at brewing. Some of you may remember the popular suds we made here during the first Jimmy Carter term:

Déjà Vu all over again

And just to clear up a misreported fact: Big Guy is not actually brewing the honey ale himself, because “he's a bit too busy winning the future.” Also, he doesn’t know anything about brewing beer. Although I guess that wouldn’t really be a problem. We’re constantly doing things that we don’t know anything about. That’s just one of the things that makes Big Guy so extraordinary.

Butt wait, there’s more! There’s also a contest going on to see which lucky high school will win the honor of TOTUS’ Big Guy’s oratorical skills at their commencement ceremonies. We had to extend the deadline though, since we only had 14 contenders, down from over 1000 last year. And good news! This year, due to demand, we’ve opened applications to cosmetology schools, massage therapist programs, truck driving schools, GED programs and dog obedience schools. Butt don’t waste time, you only have ‘till Friday!

And speaking of schools, we were summoned to Sasha’s school yesterday to discuss her advancement to the Children of Really Gifted Parents program that’s starting up at the beginning of the next school year. It was just a formality, of course.

 A gift that keeps on giving: extraordinary parental units

PS: in case you haven’t seen WTF Episode 4: Living Within Our Means yet, here it is.

MISSING PERSON ALERT–THIS IS REAL

I just read this at American Digest: PLEASE DUPLICATE AND TRANSMIT ESPECIALLY TO READERS IN THE SEATTLE AREA:

Michelle Malkin reports that her cousin, Marizela Perez is missing in Seattle, WA.

Here’s more info Michelle is trying to spread via Facebook and Q13Fox/KCPQ in Seattle:

Michelle asks:

Seattle-area readers, can you please help get the word out — and if you or anyone you know might know anything about Marizela’s (nickname: “Em-Em”) whereabouts, please get in touch with the Seattle Police Department/UWPD or contacts listed at Facebook link above ASAP.

Marizela, if you are able to let your dad and mom know that you are okay, please contact them. You are so loved.

***

“Lahat ay magiging maayos” is Tagalog for “All will be well.”

May God make it so. Please keep my cousin and her family in your prayers. Thank you.

Please help if you are in the Seattle area and pray for Marizela’s safe return.

Where Up is Down; Cold is Hot

Welcome to Washington D.C. home of the nation’s Imaginarium Theatre. Here, nothing is as it seems to be:

• An act of Islamofascism is portrayed as  a “bus accident”

• Acts of anti-semitism are considered acts of “troubled artists”

 Galliano for Dior

• Union protestors marauding in Madison for 3 weeks are portrayed as downtrodden souls just trying to scrape by,

while peacefully protesting against Nazi tactics.

Union protesters practicing their “civil” rights

 

• Polls reporting Wisconsinites solid backing for public sector unions… consist of significant oversampling of union households.

New York Times Polling Pool (for more polling tactics, see here)

Where “we must live within our means” means we have to find a way to increase our means.

Where a union ball buster like Michael Moore speaks credibly of  “solidarity” with his union brothers in Wisconsin.

You tell ‘em, Mickey (h/t Pink Flamingo)

Butt finally:

Out of this fog of confusing obfuscation, smoke and (blush) mirrors comes this piece of news you can believe in. Something, finally, that makes perfect sense.

Lady M is rated #1 on the new Quinnipiac “hot meter” poll of politicians!!!!!!

It was a close heat however, with Chris Christie coming in just 3 points below MO.  Butt she blew the doors off Sarah!

 

 

  

 

 

    

The results:

• Michelle: 60.1
• Billy Clinton: 59.2
• Christie: 57
• Big Guy: 55
• Sarah: 38.2

And there you have it, a “hot” poll you can believe in.

The only thing is, normal body temperature is 98.7. By that standard, all of these candidates would be on life support.

And just exactly what does it say for globull warming?

Fortunately for all, Algore was not in the running.

Linked By: Larwyn’s Linx on DougRoss@Journal Thanks!

Mrs. O’s Thank You Note. Winning!

If there’s anyone out there who still doesn’t realize what a “thoughtful” and “down-to-earth” person Lady M is:  here’s proof.

Ms. Mary Tomer over at the Mrs. O site was very excited about the short, “hand-signed™ ” (by our SigTech 4000) thank you note she received last Thursday from Lady M. She said it arrived just as she was rushing off to her MBA (MoBAma?) classes at Columbia Business School to learn how to become a capitalist pig – although I’m thinking she has already developed her innate skill in that area, and the diploma might just be putting lipstick on the pig – so to speak.

Ms. Tomer sent Lady M a copy of her wonderful book, Mrs. O: The Face of Fashion Democracy  last September, ahead of the October publication date. One of Lady M’s assistants just got around to responding. (We work off the “wedding gift rule” around here. It gives you a one year grace period for acknowledging gifts; although even Miss Manners thinks that rule might be a bit dated in our post Pony Express world.)

Anyway, Ms. Tomer was apparently quite excited about receiving the response: she said it was “a reminder of what a kind and genuine First Lady we are so fortunate to have in Mrs. Obama.”

Did she mention: sensitive, considerate and always appropriately dressed?

Indeed, it is. Although I personally think the response should have gone out before the book became available through Last Word Book Liquidators for $5.95, butt that’s just me. (H/T SondraK who, btw, has a sweet new blog: update your linkies) Also, I think it might have been nice to thank Ms. Mary for her wonderful gift before it was superseded by the next iconic Lady M book by Kate Betts, that came out last month: (and we reviewed here)

 

So, Ms. Kate Betts: you can expect your own “personalized”, “hand signed™ ” thank you paragraph from Lady M, suitable for framing, just in time for next Christmas Winter Holiday!

Speaking of fashion icons and the face of fashion democracy: did you see that Mexico’s First Lady, Margarita Zavala Calderon, was back in town last week for a bilingual reading of the Cat in the Hat? Frankly, I didn’t expect to see her again, after last May’s visit. Butt Lady M promised she wouldn’t have to stand in the rain and run around a gym in her raincoat this time.

Here are a few pics from last May: Lady M made Margarita chase the little kiddies around while she found other ways to intimidate them into getting their fat butts moving:

This visit, Lady M took her meds and let Margarita entertain the children.

We didn’t tape the whole event this time either. We didn’t want any more AP video of kids outing their illegal immigrant parents.

So I think things worked out much better this time.  “Give me five, kids! OK, make that 10! Whatever.”

      Winning!

3-D Printing Machines. WTF? Obama’s Birth Certificate No Longer “Off the Rack.”

A 3-D printing machine, WTF? Seriously: this could Win the Future for Big Guy. Just when everyone around here was preparing for the end of the American Century, someone from Cornell comes along with this: A machine that fabricates any object in 3 dimension! How cool is that?

The Economist went so far as to say it could revolutionize the industrial revolution. They’re talking about making ears, and skin, and kidneys! And cakes with your initial embedded right in the middle – in dulce de leche! Or any other flavor of your choice. You’ll be able to get them right at Costco.

3-D cakes, a bit small, butt they come by the gross at Costco

Butt Wow! We have so got to get one of those printers. Think of all the potential applications around here. No more ill-fitting clothes, evah! We could print Lady M’s wardrobe to order:

• Specially printed skirts and slacks that are made to order for our unique J-Lo profile:

 

…in order to avoid that unfortunate optical illusion effect.  

Lady Gaga’s a big fan of custom 3-d butt fittings.

• Also, we could print our own shoes to fit our “unique feet” perfectly.

 Cripes world-famous photo of Lady M’s world-famous “Oprah” toe: custom  shoes are a must with a foot like this.

That way we wouldn’t have to wear that one comfortable pair, whether they go with the outfit or not.

View Full Album

Or worse, no shoes at all:

• Plus, we could custom print our jackets to fit smoothly over our well turned curves so that this doesn’t happen again:

  

• In fact, we could probably just go ahead and print up our own custom falsies as long as we’re at it,

in order to enhance our boob belts:

We could’ve used a little extra “lift” here.

For a complete list of rack options, visit Gerard’s Side Bar and scroll down to Thursday/Wednesday.

(Just between you and me, I think Sarah’s rack is larger)

Wow, this is fun! How about custom printed eyelashes,

to match our favorite outfits:

Lady M’s world famous peacock harvest

 

…and lips, for those days when we just can’t muster up the real deal:

Best of all, if we can get one of these machines up and running, I know exactly what I’m going to fabricate for Big Guy’s next birthday:

  Hawaiian Certificate-Lite

Real Hawaiian Birth Certificate, brought to you by Fabricate Yourself